Little Melissa comes home from 1st grade & tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day.
‘Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint, and we’re Jewish,’ she asks, ‘Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?
Melissa’s father thinks a bit, then says: ‘No, I don’t think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Valentine to?’
‘Osama Bin Laden,’ she says.
‘Why Osama Bin Laden?’ her father asks in shock.
‘Well,’ she says, ‘I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.’
Her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. ‘Melissa, that’s the most wonderful thing I have ever heard.’
And Melissa replied:
The Super Bowl is going to run what, four hours, say? That’s 14440 seconds. That means you could watch my alternative: Barefoot Bill’s Naked Guy Zombie Movie about 145 times in the same stretch. Fuck that Super Bowl. Tom Brady rules. And fuck Peyton Manning’s stupid brother. And fuck you, Ray Lewis, you and your fat RAVENS! But I digress.
I am currently in high level negotiations with Barefoot Bill (check out his link only if you want a lot of naked man) to become the guy half of the Gallery’s Official Naked Couple. So far the negotiations have gone like this: Something something. Bill telling me him and his lady partner are fine being naked. Me saying okay. Bill going to get the snow off his car (I presume with clothes on). Me writing this post.
So since I never asked anyone else to be naked on the site before (and technically I didn’t really ask him) I guess I am batting 1000 with the whole: “hey, be naked on the site” thing. So after the jump, you can see Bill as a zombie who apparently got made a zombie while he was taking a bath, cause he’s naked. Also he tries to strangle his victim instead of eating his brains. And he’s naked. So I expect some thoughtful reviews of this clip. It’s a real movie. But this scene was cut out because the director realized that the zombie was a naked dude. Now go watch! Oh, and if stupid Vimeo doesn’t work with your browser then click the link. I’m not your personal projectionist. Douche.
OK – since this is our 5th year anniversary, we are doing some new features. And also (at least based on this) resurrecting things we forgot about. So here comes the comment of the week! If you want to nominate someone for this coming week or something, I guess you can. Maybe I will try to fix the comment quote thing. But all final decisions will be made by management. Unless someone bitches. I’m not too good at Democracy yet.
If you win for the week and you have a website we will link you. If you don’t have a website and you win we will make you a website? Noo – not really. But maybe a page? I don’t know. If you win just tell us what you want for a prize. See the first winner after the jump!
That's some good shirtless death. Some damn good shirtless death.
Lots of critics and people who spend too much time thinking about music say that Beck is a genius. I assume it’s just because of this video. In fact, here is what I know about Beck:
- This video rules;
- I once knew someone who thought the lyric “two turntables with a microphone” was “tempt two devils with a microphone;”
- I know the lyric above is not from this Beck song, a-hole;
- The best part of this video, out of the million good parts of this video, is right near the beginning when he tries to do the cool jump off the dirt pile;
- The psychedelic rooftop shirtless Mexican guitar player is like, the 5th best thing in this video. Think about THAT statement.
Watch the video and read the lyrics after the jump. And if you are gonna sing the song in a car, LEARN the lyrics. Don’t just murmur until the “who’s chokin’ on the splinters” part comes on. I hate people who do that. I’d like to stick them in a cage with the people who do the hand claps during “Take the Money and Run” and set them on fire. Now get cool. 90’s losers!
Either the water is underpriced or the soda is overpriced.
Questlove, the drummer for Jimmy Fallon’s band the Roots took this picture and put it on Twitter. I’m going to forego all the outrage and the jokes based on said outrage. I’m also going to avoid posing the potentially incendiary theory that the menu could be considered by some to be historically significant for black people. What I secretly hope is that a bunch of people flip out for real and then they will find out that some black person thought up the idea. That will confuse everyone. Also I guess my hope is no longer a secret.
Seriously, though. I really want to know what you think about this one. I mean – what if it didn’t say in honor of black history month? What if it said: by special request? What if it isn’t really from NBC? As much as I WANT to believe that it is real, how come they can’t spring for the NBC logo on their menu thingy? And how much is the NBC discount? And what if it was Jay Leno’s idea?
sigh.
so do your bitching in the comments. Or post ways it could be worse for NBC. But if you are gonna try to be funny, you better succeed.
