Pharma Bro buys record. Will only let Taylor Swift listen.

Sangfroid
pharma

My next plan to get attention is to kidnap Taylor Swift and tie her to some train tracks so I’ll get to meet Batman

Martin Shkreli, Pharma Bro as he’s now known for jacking up the price of the AIDS and cancer drug Daraprim by 5,000 percent, has done it again. When you’re a sociopathic businessman it’s a real problem to figure out what to do with all the cash you’ve squeezed out of the sick and dying. Burying it all in the desert in barrels is a possibility but you only have to do that if you’re a high school teacher turned meth cook. If you’re an honest legal businessman you can buy whatever the hell you want with it. If it’s impressively stupid enough the Stock Market Bros will invest more in your companies. (Which they are doing)

For only Two Million dollars Martin Shkreli bought the exclusive Wu-Tang Clan album. Only one copy was made. It was placed in a hand-carved wooden box with a leather-bound book of parchment paper then stored in Marrakech while a frantic bidding war went on for who would own this priceless artifact of whatever the hell it is Robert Diggs (aka RZA) cooked up in a Hip-Hop version of the Emperor’s new clothes. We’ll never know if it’s a huge joke by the Wu-Tang Clan because Martin Shkreli doesn’t intend to let us common folk listen to it.

“We’re about to put out a piece of art like nobody else has done in the history of music,” RZA told Forbes. “We’re making a single-sale collector’s item. This is like someone having the scepter of an Egyptian king.” –Robert Diggs

Martin Shkreli hasn’t actually listened to the album. The Bloomberg Businessweek article that broke this story tells us that he delegated the task of confirming that there is an actual recording to an employee. He made his final decision on the basis of the auction-house representative telling him all sorts of cool people like celebrities and rappers would want to hear it.

That’s right Martin Shkreli blew two million dollars of hard grafted money in hopes of getting a date. He’s joked on Twitter that he’d buy Katy Perry’s guitar to get a date with her and he’s also said that he’ll listen to Shaolin with Taylor Swift.  Katy Perry and Taylor Swift being two of the least likely musicians to want to listen to a secret Wu-Tang Clan album I don’t think Shkreli actually knows what he bought.

“I was a little worried that they were going to walk out of the deal. But by then we’d closed. The whole kind of thing since then has been just kind of ‘Well, do we want to announce it’s him? Do we not want to announce it’s him?’” –Martin Shkreli

cute

Cute gay guys in costume might like to RP with a super villain Martin.

Martin Shkreli is basically a living cartoon villain. He’s only one step away from buying a costume and making all the typical Evil Overlord mistakes while Batman and Robin rappel down the side of his building ready to go POW and BAM in order to put an end to his badness.  He’s already made a list of other artists he’s willing to pay for exclusive albums just so he can keep it from us. The only problem is out of all the billionaires out there not one of them wants to be Batman

“If there is a curious gap in your favorite artist’s discography, well, now you know why.” –Martin Shkreli

batman

Author:
Sangfroid's unabashed use of punctuation and grammar has made him a literary standout on the internet. A rising star in the urban/romance/horror/science fiction/Nancy Drew fiction market, Sangfroid is the talk of the local McDonald's. His dog actually ate the first page of his magnum opus "That Foggy Night" and compared it to other great works like the weekly circular for its absorbent qualities.

7 Comments

  1. Penny
    PennyReply
    December 11, 2015 at 10:09 am

    People like him should not have expendable money. They tend to be dangerous.

  2. Pat
    PatReply
    December 11, 2015 at 10:53 am

    Good article on a minor event that is emblematic for the times in which many of us (but not all) live. Can Sangfroid replace Vonnegut? It’s a thought.

  3. Cider
    CiderReply
    December 11, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    All of this is true but just FYI, lots of/most/all pharma companies do this shit. So while he’s a megalomaniac asshole, so is every pharma CEO that does the same. This one just got viral for some reason.

    • Sangfroid
      December 11, 2015 at 1:39 pm

      This guy is the CARTOON villain everyone loves to hate while the whitebread banker CEO’s are going: “Man stop ruining our good thing.” Plus the question is whether you’d put out for getting to listen to the Wu-Tang Clan. That alone makes him my favorite bad guy ever.

  4. Bigscrod wants cake
    December 11, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    If I was a billionaire, I would definitely spend a couple million on a stupid record. The hell with kids with cancer, let them find their own money.

  5. Cornmeal
    CornmealReply
    December 17, 2015 at 8:09 am

    I’m no fan of that douchebag at all, but I put more blame on the Wu Tang Clan for all of this than him. I mean seriously, what did they think was going to happen with a stunt like this? It’s not like doucheface commissioned the album; it was their idea. They should have known it was entirely possible that some dicknose prick was going to win the bid. And that scrotum has proven that he’s nothing if not an opportunistic shithead. He doesn’t even want to listen to the album for crying out loud. Wu Tang got what they deserved with this bullshit.

    • Sangfroid
      December 17, 2015 at 3:17 pm

      It’s getting more surreal by the second. The actual clause from the contract is: The buying party also agrees that, at any time during the stipulated 88 year period, the seller may legally plan and attempt to execute one (1) heist or caper to steal back Once Upon A Time In Shaolin, which, if successful, would return all ownership rights to the seller. Said heist or caper can only be undertaken by currently active members of the Wu-Tang Clan and/or actor Bill Murray, with no legal repercussions. RZA tweeted this morning “We’re really getting the urge to call Bill Murray”

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