Hookers and Blow: The Strange Death of Antonin Scalia
Hookers and Blow! About ten seconds after I got done making the popcorn for the inevitable clown show in Washington over the death of Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia I thought: The weird conspiracy theories are going to start flying soon. I’m enjoying all the complete denial in politics over this thing. The director of Idiocracy tweeting that he didn’t know his movie was a documentary isn’t as satirical as he thinks. More polite people call it the Palinization of America. She’s the patron saint of those neither enlightened or learned who don’t let that or the lack of common sense stop them from trying to get elected. It doesn’t stop them from gathering like minded idiocrats to their cause either.
What is a guy to do then when truth is stranger than fiction. The Washington Post is reporting the strange detail that the 79 year-old Scalia was at Cibolo Creek Ranch in the company of 35 other members of an “exclusive fraternity for hunters called the International Order of St. Hubertus, an Austrian society that dates back to the 1600s.” This is one of those no stinky girls allowed groups where the men dress up in dark green robes and have a Latin motto. “Deum Diligite Animalia Diligentes,” which translates as “Honoring God by honoring His creatures.” I’m envisioning paddles and other fraternal nonsense. Justice Scalia didn’t go to Yale so he couldn’t do all the fun Skull and Bones things like little George and his Daddy. (In the 2004 election both the Democratic and Republican nominees were Bonemen. There is no hope for America)
Sadly, the truth is likely far more banal. “Secret Society” is usually rich people code for “club ludicrously wealthy dudes use to try to fill the gaping hole where their humanity is supposed to be.” Sometimes their activities include sticking their balls in the mouth of a dead pig.
Our friends at Wonkette put reality in perspective for us. We here at Superficial Gallery totally agree that it would be irresponsible to enflame the conspiracies surrounding the death of Justice Scalia. Not while the raging controversy about whether Katy Perry is actually JonBenet Ramsey is exploding.