Where can I get a Republican Ruler?
It’s easy to forget there’s a whole other party involved in this circus we’re calling a presidential election. Ted Cruz is pretending he doesn’t even have a doodle-dasher while Donald Trump is practically ready to take a leak off the porch of the White House to prove that weasel Marco Rubio wrong when he insinuated the Trump Stump isn’t up to GOP standards. (Reputedly taking a leak off the balcony of the White House was a pastime of LBJ. It’s documented that he used to intimidate Republicans by unzipping and letting fly in the House parking lot. LBJ had issues with his displaying Little Lyndon.)
It’s so hard not to watch. It’s not just Republican Ring Dinglers on show. There’s a waitress suing Trump for stiffing her on tips and Charlie Paycheck still thinks he’s a working class hero. The whole party has gone off the deep end. The NCRSC (National Republican Senatorial Commission actually tweeted that Representative Tammy Duckworth has a: “Sad record of not standing up for our veterans.” Good god the woman might be dangerously to taking a Republican seat this November but she came back from the Iraq War without legs. This woman is so tough that she got a medical waiver to continue serving but somehow in the imaginary world of the GOP it’s ok to slam a disabled veteran especially if she doesn’t have a Trouser Hawg to waggle for the media. What’s especially distasteful is that in a fairly typical GOP response the party didn’t quite apologize but blamed the godless liberal commie pinko media for noticing the Tweet that will probably get Representative Duckworth elected to the Senate.
It would be great if reporters would pay as much attention to a deleted tweet as they should to Tammy Duckworth being sued by VA whistleblowers for ignoring claims of mistreatment and corruption.
So here’s the update on the Democrats. Sure they’re debating the metric system or something uninteresting like national policy but they’ll still be on the ballot come November. Hillary Clinton is ahead. For those interested in such things she wears a size 34C but is unlikely to engage in a White House pissing contest because despite certain impressive specialty acts in Tijuana women are generally disadvantaged at those events. So far Bernie has kept his Shmeckle in his pants. Being a socialist Jew does not disqualify one from the manly measurement method of political prowess. Being circumcised just gives Cupid’s Arrow a sleeker appearance and doesn’t actually shorten the old Ankle Spanker.
I’m running out of euphemisms. In the interest of parity I’ll include one last shocking fact for the GOP brothers and sisters among our readers: The only president actually photographed in a dress was a DEMOCRAT!