Celebrity Tongue Pictures
I was wondering if I should get back to work on the Celebrity Tongue Section and was really going back and forth on it. Then Esquire dropped a new set of pictures of Alison Brie. And as you can see from the banner, she is not wearing a gas mask or popping a balloon or sitting in a cake. Nope. She has her tongue out. So suck on that, other fringe fetishes! We remain the dominant force on the Internet for pics of famous or mildly famous women sticking out their tongues.
Seriously. It’s a thing. I realize it might not be a major victory but it is still a victory. It might not be like being the fastest runner alive, but it is definitely like being the fastest Amish swimmer or the woman who can do Sudoku on one foot for the longest. The only difference in our case is that WE know we are #1. And I am not sure how many swim meets the Amish have so you may have to wait for that one…
Also here are a bunch more pics of Alison Brie’s tongue. Not that you care…
Folks, Acadia’s in New York this week, so he asked if I could post something here today for him. Since I’m fresh out of boring history trivia at the moment, I thought I’d share this picture of Alison Brie eating some ice cream. And it’s not because we have a thing for hot chicks licking things here at Superficial Gallery. It’s just because I think Alison would like you to know that she really likes ice cream.
Oh, what’s that Alison? You want to remind us where the ice cream goes?
Apparently, Alison Brie likes ice cream AND helping.
The woman above is named Helen Flanagan. She is apparently some sort of model/nobody in the UK. She also sort of seems remarkable because her name sounds like she should run a boarding house in 1890 and spend time washing clothes in a big pot with an oar.
But the REAL reason that she is even on the page is that she is sticking her tongue out. And you might not know this, but we are the world’s foremost authority on that subject. Look!
Anyway – now that the site isn’t stupid slow I am going to start putting more tongue pictures in. Years ago I would have found that sentence odd. Now I am quite fine with it.
When I first saw this picture I was all excited because I thought maybe Madonna’s spinal cord had snapped while she was singing “La Isla Bonita” but gamely tried to keep the show going. Then I saw the crumpled up money and thought maybe she was bankrupt and some guy at a Waffle House gave her a fiver to lick a microphone he found on the ground. But then I found out she wasn’t paralyzed or at Waffle House and did whatever that is she’s doing on purpose.
Then I allowed myself to think for 30 more seconds and realized that thousands of people in New York paid her money to do it. Sort of makes me want Sandy to come back and punish them. I can honestly and unapologetically say that I like TONS of Madonna songs. But that’s as far as it goes. I like Bob Dylan songs too but I would not pay money to watch him wheeze around the stage and mumble and lick things.
Just stop it, Madonna. You are freaking me out. You look like a big pile of ropes with David Letterman’s head on it.
Jessica Simpson has a line of clothes or something and needed to promote it at Macy’s. That person on the left is her sister, Ashlee. I assumed she was dead but maybe I just assume everyone I haven’t thought about in 4 years is dead. It’s not like I can keep track of all these things. Famous people’s jobs are to do things people care about. THIS DOES NOT QUALIFY! I watch Project Runway sometimes. It takes like, a day to make a dress out of bologna or old mailboxes so why would I pay triple for one from these two?
Maybe if they could use the picture below for the ad campaign. It would improve things. If she went around sticking her tongue out like that wearing a Jedi cloak and holding a sign that said “This is what your girlfriend wants for Christmas” America would look like a giant LARP game on December 26th.
Why do I not work in an ad agency?
You might think that I forgot that the Gallery is the number one place on the internet to see pics of celebrity tongues. Well I didn’t. I’m just lazy and with all the staff changes and turmoil and whatnot I sort of need to pick up the pace.
So I am going to do things a little differently. I’m going to show you the pics over here and then put them in the picture area. Why? 1: It is cheap way to make more posts. B. It makes it easier for me to remember to do it. 3: I need to get more people on the tongue fetish bandwagon. Think about it, I am willing to bet that there are more tongues than there are elbows in the world.
For someone to get their tongue cut out I think you have to either be guilty of badmouthing the Pope or have a secret the mob doesn’t want you to tell. But losing an elbow? That probably happens to people all the time. Arms get chopped off, folks. It’s a tough world. Think of all the dangerous places people drop their phones now. Like, I bet the number of chopped off arms has skyrocketed since the iPhone came out. You drop a $600 iPhone into a some big, gear-filled machine, you can bet you will be reaching in there to get it.
Where was I? Oh, right, tongues vs. elbows. This is my case for you people to drop your perverted elbow fetishes and get on the tongue bandwagon. Let’s go! Pics after the jump.