I had the good fortune of having grown up in an Irish household and that part of my heritage is the one that gets talked about. I’m 1/4 Norwegian but I don’t even know what that means. The other 1/2 is plain old WASPY WASP. But since I’m Catholic I don’t understand them, either. Once when I was nine my grandfather asked me why “I prayed to statues” and I didn’t know. He didn’t like Catholics.
Anyway if people ask me “what I am” I will say mixed with Irish. Why? Because Irish and Italian are, for some reason, the two nationalities that America loves to glorify (though I am not 100% sure why). Maybe because we are white AND we were immigrants? Look! A success story! Take that…Chinese! It’s also because I don’t understand anything about my other heritage because even the people who represented it (like my Norwegian grandfather) didn’t care. So I tell people I am mixed with Irish.
Then I sometimes add: “but I’m not racist!”
Since my Immigration post went so well I have decided to continue to try to educate you on political affairs. This week we are going to talk about armies. Specifically the difference between our army and the Israeli Army (the IDF or Israel Defense Forces). See, here in America we wait for people to volunteer to be in the armed forces. So if we decide to go fight a war we can all feel good about it because honestly that’s what they signed up for. Why would you feel extra bad about someone who decided they WANTED to be in the military getting to be in a battle? That’s like feeling badly about a fireman getting to go to a fire.
But when people don’t have any choice but to go into the army, things change. Then they are doing what they are doing because they have been told it’s their duty. And in Israel, it really is. EVERYONE (I guess except for fatsos and Neil the guy with no feet) have to go into the army for two years when they get out of high school. Two years, then you’re out. But while you’re in, you have to do…I don’t know…whatever the bosses tell you.
What does this all mean for you? Well, if you are American then it means you don’t have to worry about getting drafted. if you live in Israel it means that you seem to live in a real life Starship Troopers where it stinks that everyone has to fight but it is great that the army is so attractive. And for the record, seems like we should have compulsory military service for two years here in America. I think that mainly because I won’t have to do it and I don’t have any kids. I do, however, have lots of freedoms and 3 values that I need someone to defend. I pay my taxes so get going! You might meet a girl like the ones in these pics.
You know I don’t usually get involved in politics (my Racist Tea Party Tumblr usually handles that) but all the news about COMPREHENSIVE IMMIGRATION REFORM compels me to step in and make sure that whatever stupid deal that Washington comes up with is pushed aside to make way for my super genius plan that will not only solve the immigration issue, but also revitalize the economy and allow our politicians to focus on other crap that we can later argue about on the Internet.
Anyway – the crux of the problem is that there are a bunch of people whooping it up inside America who didn’t pay to get in. And while people sort of recognize that it would be a pain to go wandering around looking for all the people who snuck through the gate, they also agree that letting more jerks sneak in is not going to work. So since I am too lazy to worry about who is already here, I am going to focus on keeping people out.
So since my “kick out Texas” plan is not getting any traction, I need to go to plan B. Here it is.
In a quick survey, The Superficial Gallery has taken the pulse of America and has come up with the following info:
- 50% of you can’t be bothered to throw on a shirt when someone’s taking a picture.
- 25% of you eat watermelon right out of the rind with a spoon. You call it watermelon cereal.
- 25% of you have guns, really long hair and are also somehow bald.
- 25% of you have banjos.
- 25% of you are are asleep and have three really bad choices as to how you will be woken up.
The mental health part of gun control might have some merit to it after all.
Well, it’s the end of a year and the beginning of another. Time for me to take stock of the year that was here at the Gallery and then ridicule it mercilessly. If you’d like to see how things shook out in 2010 or 2011, just click those links. Holy crap, I’ve been here for 3 years?! Most people come here, write a post or two, then disappear into the abyss never to be seen again. Speaking of which, those new writers I mentioned in last year’s post? Yeah, didn’t last. Shocker, I know. On the flipside, we did gain two new writers this year, Eva Halloween and Princess Peach. They’ve been around for most of the year so I’d wager all the money that Acadia doesn’t pay me that they stick around.
The site layout is new. Acadia decided to mix it up a little and also changed the header pic. Then he stripped the mine down to the bare essentials, which in this case means he took out the pictures that no one ever looked at and were just taking up bandwith. When all was said and done, he ended up getting rid of more pictures than he kept.
Overall, the Gallery built on the success of last year and managed even more hits this year than 2011. The contests we ran this year (Halloween Costume Contest & Picture Perfect and the February Picture Perfect) were also very successful. I think the best thing to come out of either of those contests was this picture:
Looks like that’s all the yearly news. Guess it’s time to get down to business then. As usual I’ve got two top 10 lists here, one for multiple picture posts and one for single posts. The reason for doing it like this is that on multiple picture posts, it counts each picture view as a hit. That makes it a little hard to compare it to stuff with all it’s content on one page. I should also mention that these are all posts made in the year of 2012. There were some posts made in previous years that managed to still get tons of hits this year, such as this Kate Beckinsale Bikini Sunday post from 2011 that managed way more hits than anything else this year. Of course, the all time heavyweight champion of Superficial Gallery is still Ice Road Trucker Girl Lisa Kelly. But I digress. Hit the jump for lists.
Now that the election is (or isn’t, I heard Romney won’t quit) over I guess it is time for people to start crying that Obama is a Communist or whatever and we can start guessing whether or not Hillary will run against Chris Christie in 2016. But for now we can think about all the problems that we have to tackle over the next four years and how to fix them. Well, my way to fix them.
- Get China to start a war with Russia like in that Tom Clancy book and then we get rich selling them missiles and canteens and whatnot.
- Since the Dems want to raise taxes for everyone who makes 250k and over because they are rich then that means that everyone who makes less than that is not. Which means they might need Social Security. So raise the cap for SSI deductions to 250k. Then everyone can STFU about Social Security since it will have lots of dough.
- Everyone sneak into Canada to go to the doctor, then sneak into Mexico to go to the pharmacy.
- Change the electoral college (A) so that when they get to the place where they have to vote they either play Red Rover or have an actual fight.
- Change the electoral college (B) to make it so the popular vote matters. If for no other reason then that it would ensure that lots more crazy third party candidates to ruin it for someone.
- Make the border between Mexico and the US a prison. Like, it could be the prison for all of America AND Mexico. And anyone who hopped the fence would then be IN the prison. S-M-A-R-T
- Make it illegal to call a something that is ONLY a website a “News Source”. And I am including the Huffington Post. In case you wonder why I say that it is because I am a website. I don’t want any of you fools thinking this is news.
That’s not news. It’s gossip! So think about my plans and support me in my candidacy for 2016. And donate to me. Use PayPal. Technically since I am the only one who has declared for 2016 I AM WINNING!!!