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It’s not a stretch for commercials to not have anything to do with the product they are advertising. It happens all the time, and seems to peak on Super Bowl Sunday. The thing that makes this commercial stand out, to me, is that what happens to these dudes is real. These poor guys seemed to have no idea what was coming, and really didn’t deserve what they got. It would be fine if the people who set all this up weren’t trying to prove some ridiculously convoluted point, but they really aren’t doing anything more than playing a practical joke on these unsuspecting fellows.
If you have to be a one hit wonder, it makes a LOT of sense to try to get one that can be played perpetually at weddings. I don’t know who the original composer of the Chicken Dance is but I am sure he is pretty satisfied in heaven or whatever because that thing gets played like a million times every weekend. Is that how many weddings there are per week? That seems high. I should check.
- Number of marriages: 2,096,000
- Marriage rate: 6.8 per 1,000 total population
- Divorce rate: 3.6 per 1,000 population (44 reporting States and D.C.)
I don’t know what the time frame for those stats are but I do know that is at least a million Chicken Dances. My calculations are based on my assumption that only white people do the chicken dance and half the people in America are white. But even the white people with their terrible dancing probably do their best to do “Da Dip.” The instructions are right in the song.
And let’s face it, most drunk people at a wedding NEED directions for how to dance. Unless it is “end of the night single people grinding on each other” or middle of the wedding little kid standing on the grown up’s feet” dancing, then it is just a bunch of people half in the bag assuming nobody is watching them, and those people can use all the directions they can get. So when “Da Dip” comes on, they can try to follow along and touch people’s hips and gyrate as long as someone leads off. Luckily, there is always at least one bridesmaid who did shots before dinner was served, so everyone can Dip. They might think they are cool, but I always think people look like they are doing “I’m a little teapot.” But with more sweat and untucked shirts.
Anyway – nice job, Freaknasty. You could invade my home and I wouldn’t know who you are, but your legend lives on in banquet halls all over America. Except for racists. They just skip you and play the Electric Slide twice. Sorry 
You may remember that I wrote a pretty long piece on the Xbox One reveal a couple weeks ago. While it was pretty therapeutic to write it and get all my thoughts out, due to Acadia bumbling about and unplugging all the wires he could find backstage here at the Gallery, I have no way of knowing if that piece received the hits I would have liked it to in order for me to continue writing things of that length. So, for this post, with the help of the fine chaps from VideoGamer.com, I’m going to try to be a bit more concise.
Worst banner pic EVER. Google sucks!
Only SLIGHTLY better!
I sort of assume if I met Marylin Manson I would be really scared and not want to touch him. I don’t want to get Devil on me, nor do I want to catch any of the weird diseases I figure he must have. Predjudicial? Sure, but he had it coming. Look at this video. He is deliberately trying to unnerve me. And it really IS unnerving if you look at it long enough. But it doesn’t make the song any less bad ass. And don’t get me wrong, the song IS bad ass. My favorite part is when they go:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
But I don’t think that’s how you spell it phonetically.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Nope, that looks like a crying baby.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW
Someone really disappointed?
omfg how do you spell it? It’s the best part. I guess now I can make it my ringtone. And if I do I will program it to only ring like that when you people call me. It’s not like my number isn’t already on the site. Whatevs, Internet. Bring it. But don’t call me and do anything weird or I will find Marilyn Manson and rub him on your face while you sleep. Think about that for a couple minutes. Me, standing over you while you sleep. Somehow holding a non-squirmy, naked and super quiet Marylin Manson and rubbing part of him on your sweet sleeping face.
Looks like I can unnerve people, too!
Swimsuit season is upon us and if you’re like me, you haven’t done a thing to prepare for it. I know what you’re thinking, “There has got to be a way to get in shape fast!” Well, luckily, I believe I’ve found the way. It’s a revolutionary new fitness regimen called Prancercise, and it’s going to get you into the best shape of your life. Have a look at the handy how to video after the jump.
Seems like it would be pretty cheap to do. And this is yet another reason you can’t use Marvel superheroes for anything. Who wants to get turned into a spider or end up looking like The Thing? Nobody, that’s who.
DC Rules. And I hope that this idea catches on. I also wonder why Brazil doesn’t have its own superheroes. Isn’t anyone interested in “Soccer Man” or “Carnival-lo”? They seem like they’d be fun. Eh, I guess they can just stick with Batman. He rules no matter what country he’s in. Now watch the video. It’s a good idea.