Help! My vibrator has been hacked.

Categories:LOLZ
Sangfroid

vibrator

There is now an app for everything. A woman is suing a sex toy firm for tracking her… intimate moments.

A girl walks into a bar, and goes up to the bartender and complains about ex-boyfriend and how she will never get laid again. The bartender looks at her and reaches under the counter and pulls out a purple dildo. He tells her that the dildo is a Magic Dildo. “This is a magic purple dildo you just say the words ‘Magic Purple Dildo’ and where you want it to go”. She listens to him and is intrigued. Two Hours later her ex-boyfriend walks into the bar, and sees his ex-girlfriend running around with the dildo following her. She finally yells out “HELP! HELP! HELP! A MAGIC PURPLE DILDO IS FOLLOWING ME!” He goes, “(Scoffs) yeah right, Magic Purple Dildo My Ass

The vibrator is called We-Vibe. Its big draw is that it can be remotely controlled through a smartphone app. The app allows you to swap messages, start video chats and remotely control the “device.”

Basically it’s kinky phone sex brought to the next level. That buzzing you hear in the next boring meeting might be …   “Build excitement with secure in-app voice, chat and video.”

”This is one of the more incredible invasions of privacy we’ve ever dealt with.” Victim’s lawyer Eve-Lynn Rapp

Only one Chicago woman went and used We-Vibe without realizing that the thing was sending. Having never yet encountered an app that didn’t involve frustrating downloads and numerous clicking on Terms of Service and an eventual call to Pakistan for customer service I’m finding it hard to believe the victim was unaware of what was going on. Then again maybe We-Vibe is so mind blowing fantastic that she just forgot. Wouldn’t that have women lined up to buy the thing instead of horrified?

Help! Help! A magic We-Vibe is …

Standard Innovation said they took issues of privacy seriously and were unaware of the lawsuit.

Author:
Sangfroid's unabashed use of punctuation and grammar has made him a literary standout on the internet. A rising star in the urban/romance/horror/science fiction/Nancy Drew fiction market, Sangfroid is the talk of the local McDonald's. His dog actually ate the first page of his magnum opus "That Foggy Night" and compared it to other great works like the weekly circular for its absorbent qualities.

9 Comments

  1. Julie Maloney
    Julie MaloneyReply
    October 2, 2016 at 10:54 am

    I work from home so luckily I just have to head on over to my giant trunk to pull out what I need.

  2. Acadia Einstein
    October 2, 2016 at 11:21 am

    They are gonna put those brick and mortar dildos out of business!

    • Sangfroid
      October 2, 2016 at 6:56 pm

      Or it could start a new XXX version of PokeGo. The name is already perfect. You’d wander around looking for a signal to “touch”

  3. Kenny King
    October 2, 2016 at 11:50 am

    I knew someone this happened to!

    • Sangfroid
      October 2, 2016 at 6:53 pm

      What would be worse would be a lover setting up a javabot to send the stimulation signals because they’re bored of her.

  4. BNev
    BNevReply
    October 2, 2016 at 12:01 pm

    I didn’t even know that had an app. Just downloaded it. This chick should stop her bitching! She better not ruin this for me!!

  5. Cider
    CiderReply
    October 2, 2016 at 3:31 pm

    I don’t follow exactly what the problem is. So I’ll just assume this is another girl who doesn’t know how phones work. Lulz.

    • Sangfroid
      October 2, 2016 at 6:51 pm

      I could see it if she accidentally broadcast a request: “Touch Me” to what sounds like remote control dogging groups. That would be the ultimate accidental send!

  6. Rambles, Rants, Writings
    October 9, 2016 at 12:40 pm

    Wow you can get all sorts of apps these days and everyone wants to sue anyone over anything that they possibly can!

    I must admit this made me laugh!

    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes

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