So all the celebrity rags had pics of Paris Hilton up today. Most of the jokery was centered around the fact that she was in Cannes (it’s not pronounced: “Khan”. It’s pronounced: “bottle”) and how she doesn’t have anything to do and blah blah blah. But NOBODY is talking about how big her fucking feet are. Look at that picture over there on the left.
The full size pic is here. But before you click it – I need you to remember something about photography: things in the foreground look bigger than things in the background. So now go look at the picture, and realize that Paris’ pontoons look twice as big as all the HEADS in the front of the picture.
Now, as a science thing, please go find someone you know and kick them in the head. And no fair kicking babies or anyone with a tiny little pin head. Find a regular size head and kick it. Then leave your foot next to it. How big is your foot compared to the head? Is it twenty five times the size? No? Well then, that’s why you aren’t rich.
Find all the millionaire females you can. Then see if their feet are big enough to fasten them securely to the roof of a cave, or do that croquet mallet whack the other guy into the bushes thing with a medicine ball. If they are – then you are helping prove my theory.
And since I was on Durden today anyway – I also found this picture of Gwyneth Paltrow’s naked tit. Yay for people who care about Hollywood! Anyway – I was going to go through the Paris Hilton Pics from the mine and show you more examples of her giant ass feet – but I am tired. So do it yourself. And then come back and play croquet with me. It sucks with just one person. I already stuck the things in the ground and did the stakes and polished my balls. All you have to do is show up.