So, I have a U.T.I.

Categories:LOLZ
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Cider

sad face

It’s not awesome. Although I consulted my midwife friend, who I always run all medical issues by first before I decide whether to bother making an appointment to see my doctor, and she told me I may have caught it early enough to flush it out with cranberry juice, I suck at drinking that sour shit and I might have to take antibiotics anyway. Which is a real shame since I tortured myself for the last 24-36 hours with drinking a lot of cranberry juice but not the prescribed amount.

cranberry juice

Dude, that shit is sour as fuck. I mean have you ever drunk straight cranberry juice? You can’t drink the cocktail crap it has to be 2 quarts in 24 hours of real juice. You can water it down as long as you drink it all but it has to be enough of the real stuff. I realize it might have been smart to have oh, say, vodka and Sprite on hand or something, but I didn’t know this was going to happen, so what can I say? I have some red wine and Dr. Pepper. I’m not mixing any of that.

I love that the only explanations on WebMD for how women get UTIs is wiping your ass wrong or having sex. Well, all I’ll say is I know how to wipe my ass.

I’ve only had one one other time in my life like 15 years ago, thank god. The only symptom I’ve had is having to (or feeling like I have to) pee a lot.

Additional info I received from my friend [though please, if it’s not obvious, don’t construe any of this (or anything on WebMD for that matter) as actual medical advice, you dolts. I’m not a medical professional and don’t pretend to be]:



  • The cranberry flavonoids bind to the bacteria, so drinking lots of water to pee more (and thereby flush it all out) is helpful too
  • UTIs are caused/exacerbated by lube. The recommendation is to abstain for 24 hours but if that isn’t possible, use a different brand.
  • Pee immediately after vaginal intercourse for the next 72 hours.
  • If you start being unable to pee, cramping, fever, you need antibiotics.
  • Many family doctors will Rx over the phone because you’re a fucking adult and can responsibly report symptoms (if I need a Rx I hope this is the case).


This is the kind of high quality material you can expect as members. Aren’t you glad? Do you feel lucky? Anybody want to talk about medical problems? Please leave comments below. And remember, I can delete them if they’re out of control, so how about don’t, Arn. Thanks!

Author:
I'm the President of Not Helping Acadia at this site, as well as Editor-in-Chief because none of these monkeys whacking on keyboards can spell. My username has now been explained, you're welcome. If you don't like me I don't care. Become a writer for the site and post your own garbage then, you plebe.

6 Comments

  1. Acadia Einstein
    January 3, 2016 at 11:59 pm

    Ha ha your pee pee is broken

    • Cider
      CiderReply
      January 4, 2016 at 9:22 am

      🙁

  2. AaronMartinelli
    AaronMartinelliReply
    January 4, 2016 at 3:15 am

    You goddamned harlot.

    • Cider
      CiderReply
      January 4, 2016 at 9:22 am

      Arn, pls.

      • AaronMartinelli
        AaronMartinelliReply
        January 5, 2016 at 6:57 pm

        Slammerkin, pls.

        • Cider
          CiderReply
          January 6, 2016 at 9:06 am

          Oh sorry I missed this reply, I was busy having sex with a real live person.

Let us know what you think. Being on-topic is NOT required.