Bill Clinton
For a while after I saw The Avengers I liked Gwyneth Paltrow again. I didn’t think too much about why but thinking back maybe it’s just tough to be mad at anyone when Hulk is around. But now Hulk is gone and I am back to hating her. Why? Because she is trying to sell makeup by acting like she doesn’t like to wear makeup. She is doing ads for Max Factor which is not a person but a makeup company. And blah blah seriously I can’t even stomach talking about it too much. Apparently she has “personas” in the commercials. And not fun ones like on Benny Hill. Just read this about the “writer” persona.
The writer persona is me going into town for a lunch or into London for a meeting or going to a friend’s house for dinner. Or me when I’m most myself, doing something creative, having a look that says, confidence, creativity but still very much who I am.
I can’t even say anything about it. The pretentiousness came out of my screen and suffocated me. And now I’m dead. Happy, Gwyneth? Do you feel good now? Are you glad you needed more money to buy fancy baby food from the moon so you had to be a hack and do commercials but you still managed to be smug about it which made my heart stop? Well congratulations. It worked. Now the only thing that can save me is a picture of really bored Bill Clinton…
Aerosmith doesn’t make any sense to me. How many comebacks can one band have? I know is this song was from their first comeback after they were famous in the 70′s and it is like, 20 years old now. And now Steven Tyler has Burger King commercials and is on American Idol. I think the only other thing that is still around from 1992 is Bill Clinton. Doubt me? Take a look at the video (the roller blading school girls with the hockey sticks are awesome) and gather up all the 90′s goodness and realize just how gone all that stuff is. Edward Furlong? Where’s he? Remember Alicia Silverstone? I think she’s dead. But not Steven Tyler. He just keeps coming back around like a gross comet.
Editor’s note. I don’t like soccer, but I like these posts. It’s sort of how I hate olives but like chicks from Lebanon. Acadia.
After a flurry of days in which roughly seven million games were played, by the time you read this there will be no more group stage and the knockout tournament will begin. Let’s talk about some teams.
The United States: With former president Bill Clinton watching their games and “praising their persistence”, American Hero Landon Donovan crying after the big win the USA is all about being a Hollywood story, coming from behind to win the game, hanging with any team and basically being the friendliest, most user friendly team of the summer. They’re like team internet in a way; every blog is doing these ultra positive posts and even SPAIN is giving them respect.
The USA guys are like a sports team combined with your favorite ensemble movie come to life. Herculez Gomez is on the Twitter like an excited boy. Tim Howard is your super intense goalie who never even wanted to BE a goalie, Clint Dempsey is a warrior hero and everyone loves the coach Bob Bradley. That, plus Donovan playing the role of leader and big brother and the US is the team everyone wants to go so far. Donovan is also reaping the benefits of the Nike Curse.
"Goddamn, I'm a sexy mother fucker."
No word on if he got himself locked up and had the map of a North Korean prison on his back, but, hey, I guess he put in work nonetheless…
SEOUL (Reuters) – North Korea said on Wednesday it had pardoned two jailed American journalists after former U.S. President Bill Clinton met the reclusive state’s leader Kim Jong-il, a move some analysts said could pave the way to direct nuclear disarmament talks.
Well, okay, if by “nuclear disarmament talks” they mean playing some golf, then I’ll buy it. If you read Kim Jong-Il’s Wikipedia, you’ll see that he enjoys the game of golf and hits three or four hole-in-ones PER ROUND.
Let’s put that into perspective. Tiger Woods has had 18 hole-in-ones. One time I was playing golf with my dad and they paired us up with some random dude. I hit a beautiful shot off the tee on a par 3. I know it is on the green. The random dude we’re playing with starts going on and on about how I must have just got a hole in one, because he can’t see the ball anymore. We drive the carts up to the green and the whole way he is so excited that he thinks I got a hole in one. We get up there and he can’t see my ball, so he gets more excited. I’m thinking calm down. Why? Because my ball is on the back of the damn green way far away from the hole. I then had to play like ten more holes with this knucklehead.
So, what I’m saying is, do NOT let any of our elected officials play Kim Jong-Il in golf. If he says “I’ll get rid of these nukes if I miss this hole in one,” don’t take him up on that because chances are dude is hitting that hole in one. He appears to be amazing at this golf stuff.
Also, no word on if Clinton bagged those journalism broads.