cee lo green
- White Baldy gets saved by America.
- Black Baldy gets saved by Christina.
- The Voice hates hair.
- Cee Lo made the Piglet Twins sing: Boogie Woogie Bugle We’re Gonna Lose of Company B.
- They were dressed like the things they put on the ends of turkey legs in cartoons.
- Adam Levine’s player (Hillbilly Runaway)sang that One Hit Wonder song: Black Horse and Cherry Tree.
- There were dudes playing white buckets like drums. Why? They didn’t have any black buckets?
- Overall, she sounded like middle of the road karaoke and her Mylie Cyrusish face didn’t help. She’s gonna lose.
- Xtina actually criticized her and was dead on. The chick was overpowered by the backup singers.
- La Lesbiana sang Jolene by Dolly Parton.
- Do you think Dolly Parton took a bunch of naked pictures of herself to be released after she dies?
- If I were her I would release them NOW.
- She wasn’t as…fiery as she was in the battle round.
- Jolene seems like she was pretty hot. Maybe that’s why you don’t meet a lot of Jolenes.
- She picked the song herself and Cee Lo didn’t overrule her. I don’t know why I think that’s interesting but I do.
- Adam’s player Poindexter is all…wimpy and nervous.
- I have no idea what song he’s singing.
- He could wear 100 leather jackets and stab a guy on the stage and he would still be a Poindexter.
- Xtina looks hot tonight. Last week she looked like a lazy-eyed drunk.
- What does “pitchy” mean? Anyone?
- Cee Lo said: “If everybody’s thinking the same then someone’s not thinking.” He still looks like Charles Barkley and his saying makes no sense. What if there are three people and they are all looking at delicious cheeseburgers?
- He’s got a big ‘fro for the group song. Half the people on his team suck. Sasquatch and La Lesbiana are the only good ones.
- The dark haired Piglet Twin isn’t bad. The blonde one looks like she ate Leann Rimes.
- Before the break when they did the “Social Media” room, Shrek said: “I’m waiting for the legal Thompson sister.”
- The Thompson Sisters are the Piglet Twins. Shrek is gross.
- Sasquatch is wearing a ridiculous hat.
- He looks like he should be one of the Black Widows from Every Which Way But Loose.
- I think he just said: “I got a fever, right on the balls.”
- If he did say that I hope he wins.
- Shrek is singing some Jesus song because his mom died. Downer.
- Are there any songs to Buddha?
- I can’t hear him. This does not bother me.
- Adam Levine’s team did their group song with a choir. If they need a choir it’s not a good sign.
- Cee Lo’s cowboy dude sang Addicted to Love. Now I will list some things I would rather hear than that song again.
- Me pulling my dick out of a box of glass.
- My mother bitch that I don’t call her.
- The hot chicks from the Addicted to Lovevideo telling me they want me. But the present day versions of them.
- A doctor tell me: “We’ll have to exploderate your nutsack. Please lean over; we can’t wait for anesthetic.”
- Cowboy guy sucks.
- Sideways Hat Guy went to High School with JW.
- He’s singing Angel by Sarah McLachlan.
- If they start showing pics of fucked up dogs and cats like that commercial and make me cry I’m walking! And I’m not fuckin’ linking it either.
- That dude is gonna win. Well, unless all he does is sing songs perfectly suited for him and blow the shit out of the water. Wait, that IS what he will do and he’s gonna win.
- America Saved Summer Glau.
- Blake Shelton saved Whisper. She’s like, 15. Pedo.
So that’s it. I’ll leave it with Whisper from last week. And if you leer at her you are going to jail. Freaks.
OK, so this show was interesting to me before but now that it has moved into the “Battle Rounds” it is better than it was. It goes like this. *uses announcery voice*:
Each coach has 8 people on their team. In the battle rounds, the coaches take two people from their team and make them sing the same song at the same time. They even make them sing in a big ring. After the performance, the coach cuts one person. So the coach picks who sings against who and who goes home. And at no point do any wrestlers run into the ring.
So using that as the premise, tonight had four battles (one from each coach). Now, I’m gonna breeze through what each coach did after the jump but before I do I’m going to show you why Cee Lo Green is a dummy. And it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that he was dressed like a fat little red genie. He put the two chicks in the video below against each other. After the performance the cowboy guy said: “some day when Cee Lo is old he will look back on his mistakes and realize he should not have put you two against each other.”
Then again, maybe we shouldn’t listen to cowboys unless they are talking about cows or…boys. But in this instance I will agree with the cowpoke. Below you can see: Jo from The Facts of Life against Tootie from The Facts of Life!
Update! If you watch the whole clip (I had to change it cause NBC sucks) you will find out who won. So if you want me to tell you, don’t watch the whole thing.
Who won? WHO? I’ll tell you after the jump.
Sonia Rao – Are you The Voice?
I can’t remember anything about episode one except the hot Indian chick (Sonia Rao) didn’t get chosen. But, out of everyone last week, only a few poor schmoes didn’t get picked at all. Well, this week, not getting picked was all the rage.
They haven’t really let us know what the Coach who wins (winning meaning that their person wins the whole show) gets for their trouble. Power over life and death? Giant dinosaur with a saddle? Make out party with the hobo of their choice? Whatever it is, they must want it, cause they are getting pretty picky.
They left so many poor fools at the altar that they ran out of contestants, which means that (and I cannot confirm this as of yet as it is only 10:30) BUT THE HOT INDIAN CHICK MIGHT BE BACK!
- Right now there is a 17 year old and 19 year old sister act and they raise pigs. They live in the town next to pretty. They are singing that song I like from that country chick. The judges didn’t know there were two of them. Cee Lo picked them. He’s gonna try to nail them both and get thrown in jail.
- Now it’s a commercial so I’m watching the Sugarland song. I also realized that the premise of this show is that it’s based on voices but the coaches have to cut their teams from 8 to four so they will kick out all the fatties and hare lips.
- I just saw a commercial for Special Victims Unit. Mariska Hargitay is a wicked skillet face, but hot.
- Now the show is back and 8 people got picked to get a second shot. Cee Lo already has his eight so he’s fine.
I’m gonna count the eight after the jump!
I hate myself for liking this show but so far I do like it. So to be fair to people who think this is a real, informative recap, here is how the game works.
- We don’t have to sit through a bunch of clowns who can’t sing and will never have a shot. The contestants are all pre-screened and only people who can actually sing have a shot.
- Since the contest is about “the voice” and not “the hot person who can sort of sing” some of the contestants are from the “Susan Boyle” category of hotness.
- The judges sit facing away from the singer and have to go just by voice, and if they like what they hear they hit this big red button in front of their chair and spin around.
- If just one judge turns around, they get the person (they need eight on their team) if more than one turn around they try to convince the contestant to pick them. If nobody picks them they go home sad.
More (and the important stuff) after the jump!