Friday ’90s
If you have to be a one hit wonder, it makes a LOT of sense to try to get one that can be played perpetually at weddings. I don’t know who the original composer of the Chicken Dance is but I am sure he is pretty satisfied in heaven or whatever because that thing gets played like a million times every weekend. Is that how many weddings there are per week? That seems high. I should check.
- Number of marriages: 2,096,000
- Marriage rate: 6.8 per 1,000 total population
- Divorce rate: 3.6 per 1,000 population (44 reporting States and D.C.)
I don’t know what the time frame for those stats are but I do know that is at least a million Chicken Dances. My calculations are based on my assumption that only white people do the chicken dance and half the people in America are white. But even the white people with their terrible dancing probably do their best to do “Da Dip.” The instructions are right in the song.
And let’s face it, most drunk people at a wedding NEED directions for how to dance. Unless it is “end of the night single people grinding on each other” or middle of the wedding little kid standing on the grown up’s feet” dancing, then it is just a bunch of people half in the bag assuming nobody is watching them, and those people can use all the directions they can get. So when “Da Dip” comes on, they can try to follow along and touch people’s hips and gyrate as long as someone leads off. Luckily, there is always at least one bridesmaid who did shots before dinner was served, so everyone can Dip. They might think they are cool, but I always think people look like they are doing “I’m a little teapot.” But with more sweat and untucked shirts.
Anyway – nice job, Freaknasty. You could invade my home and I wouldn’t know who you are, but your legend lives on in banquet halls all over America. Except for racists. They just skip you and play the Electric Slide twice. Sorry 
Worst banner pic EVER. Google sucks!
Only SLIGHTLY better!
I sort of assume if I met Marylin Manson I would be really scared and not want to touch him. I don’t want to get Devil on me, nor do I want to catch any of the weird diseases I figure he must have. Predjudicial? Sure, but he had it coming. Look at this video. He is deliberately trying to unnerve me. And it really IS unnerving if you look at it long enough. But it doesn’t make the song any less bad ass. And don’t get me wrong, the song IS bad ass. My favorite part is when they go:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
But I don’t think that’s how you spell it phonetically.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Nope, that looks like a crying baby.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW
Someone really disappointed?
omfg how do you spell it? It’s the best part. I guess now I can make it my ringtone. And if I do I will program it to only ring like that when you people call me. It’s not like my number isn’t already on the site. Whatevs, Internet. Bring it. But don’t call me and do anything weird or I will find Marilyn Manson and rub him on your face while you sleep. Think about that for a couple minutes. Me, standing over you while you sleep. Somehow holding a non-squirmy, naked and super quiet Marylin Manson and rubbing part of him on your sweet sleeping face.
Looks like I can unnerve people, too!
The girl in the picture up there is named Erin. In that picture she was a meth head. I have watched a grand total of two episodes of the show Intervention. One was when it first came on and it was about some nerd kid addicted to gambling and the other one had Erin the meth head. I looked up “people on meth” for a banner pic and my god it was horrible. At least Erin is sort of normal looking. And why did I need to find a person on meth for the banner pic?
Just read the lyrics to this happy sounding song. I remember when it came out and nobody ever listened closely enough to figure out what they were saying. But now that the lyrics to every song ever written is on one of several virus ridden websites you can see for yourself just what those happy go lucky kids were talking about. Oh, and you can also see what Erin looked like after she got off meth!
I had no idea that The Pretenders were still around in the ’90s. When I was little I had a huge crush on Chrissy Hynde. But I thought they were already old when I was young like the way Tina Turner tricked people into thinking she was sexy by going on tour in her underwear when she was 70.
I am going to let the song speak for itself. And I am pretty happy that the devotion in the song has no bounds.
Let me come along
‘Cause even if you’re wrong
I’ll stand by you
Think of the friends you have and think about which ones would tell the cops they were with you the whole night when in reality they watched you sneak in the back door with a bloody sweater and duffel bag that seems to have something alive in it after you’d been gone for three hours with no explanation. Because that’s the line I put my friends on either side of. It happens more often that I’d like.
Melissa Etheridge is pretty raspy. But this song was pretty great to sing along to. Any time the song is super loud you can get away with singing it badly and nobody will care too much. Go ahead and try it. Wherever you are. Right this second. I would but unless something has gone really wrong I am either on a plane or in an important meeting right now and belting out ballads is frowned upon in those locations.
But don’t think I’m not thinking about it.
I’m not going to lie. I could. I could tell you that I put that old pic of Heidi Klum in the banner because today is the anniversary of when she married Seal (in 2005). But in reality I didn’t want to have to post a pic of the actual Seal because his messed up face scares me. I know it is not his fault but the poor guy looks like he bought a home Edward James Olmos kit. And honestly he had a hit song, married Heidi Klum (Heidi Klum Pics here and Heidi Klum Tongue Pics here) and even though they are divorced now they had the best Halloween costumes ever so whatever, guy.
And I bet if you were like me you thought there was ONE reason Seal had those scars but in fact there is a different one. And from the looks of it, Seal’s face is a hot topic. Look what Google says.
Jeez, Google. Have a heart. Stop showing me how horrible people are. Take those offensive ones out and just leave: “Why is seal’s face”. That’s what I would ask him if I ever met him. Hey, Seal, why is your face? Then he would hit me with a bag of money and tell me stories about dirty stuff he did to Heidi Klum. Well played, Seal. Well played.