Maya Sieber Ice Road Trucker
Never let it be said that if something is mildly successful that it won’t be copied over and over again. Given the success of introducing their first female character, Lisa Kelly, the History Channel decided to find the prettiest truck driver they could find. It must have taken a long time. I bet it would have been easier to find a halfway decent looking girl and teach her to drive a truck. Why? Because good looking people don’t have to take shitty jobs unless they are teenagers or in witness protection.
Don’t believe me? Well, when is the last time you said: “Look how hot that janitor is!” or “put down that bag of Whoppers, take off that headset and kiss me!”? Never? Exactly. May Sieber seems to have all of her teeth and the fact that she has been driving a truck for three whole years means one of two things. 1: She will die pretty quickly. 2: It’s not all that hard to drive on the ice roads. Given the fact that I have been watching the show for a long time and I haven’t seen anyone die or even get hurt makes me think this is a scam.
That will work out well for Maya Sieber. I’m sure that she’ll have a great time hauling loads all over the Great White North. And just to make sure we talk about equality for a minute: this whole thing is stupid. Girls should not do that job. Just like men should not be nurses, women should not drive truck. I know this because I would be a great truck driver which means it is a gross job. So stay tuned to this space for updates on how Maya is doing. Hopefully there won’t be an accident or a gang bang or an accidental gang bang. I hope it is just: she drove to this place and gave the people there some chips. Or a pipe. Or a pool table. I don’t know what they need. Watch the video after the jump and shut up.
You know how sometimes you are watching Discovery Channel or History Channel or SyFy and they have a show about looking for mythical creatures? Bigfoot, the chupacabra, the Loch Ness monster and all other shit consumes the imagination of some people. I mean, who wouldn’t want to sit around in the woods for a few weeks waiting for Bigfoot? Or the Jersey Devil? Or some other thing.
Would you be scared? I wouldn’t. Seriously. Bigfoot is like Chewbacca and everyone knows Chewbacca is all kindly and whatnot unless you beat him and space chess. And anyway, if you check with Darwin (remember, this post is about Darwin) it seems like natural selection has left us with just mundane unscary animals. We just have whales and pumas and donkeys and kangaroos. Nothing creepy or scary looking at all. Look through those cute little animals below. How could a world that produces such adorable creatures also produce a chupacabra? It couldn’t. So take a look at the little cuties below. My favorite is the blobfish. I call him Blobby Brady. Thanks for keeping things nice and simple and not scary Mister Darwin!
That chick drives truck in Alaska. I have to admit, I love Ice Road Truckers. It’s no Deadliest Catch, but it is pretty good. The premise is simple: people in the Arctic (oil rigs, Santa) need shit. The only way to get it there is on these scary ass roads. And the people who drive the trucks on those roads make a lot of loot cause the roads are made of ice and they will inevitably crash.
After two seasons of stupid Canada, now we are in Alaska, and one of the truckers is Lisa Kelly. I guess the fact that the is a little skinny chick makes her compelling, but I think they could really spice things up if they had her be some sort of trampy ice siren. Like, she hangs out at the yard and asks guys all day if she can help them ‘deliver their load’ or…’shift their gears’. I can’t think of any other dirty truck things, though so maybe she should just drive.
Also – the Dalton Highway was built so that the trucks could bring stuff to Prudhoe Bay so we could get oil. And for 30 years, people have been careening off cliffs and shit to bring them new drills and creamed corn and Hustler magazines. So why don’t they use some of the stimulus money to build a train? How bad ass would that be? They could carry lots of shit that is too dangerous for the trucks, and they could have a car full of sissy protestors, too. I love trains. Damn, I wish I could have thought of more dirty truck talk. “Let me back that in for you?” “That sure is a big rig you got there”? “I’ll have sex with you in your truck”?
Meh – watch the video. NO! Wait! “I’ll wear glasses like Governor Palin”? Huh? Huh?
This is her official site! Remind me to join her forum!