So we know what we are about round here. We aren’t really complex. We have a few things we do pretty well. One of them is make fun of celebrities ans LeAnn Rimes (Ol’ Squinty) is always a good target. But you may not all know just how many Celebrity Pics we have and how we categorize them and why the pic after the jump fits like, all of them. Forget the fact that Ms. Rimes looks like a Sleestack and is so skinny if you hugged her it would be like hugging a bag full of leaves and sticks. She makes up for those shortcomings by seeming pretty trampy.
As for the pic? Well, we have the following things that catch our eye around here.
Why? Because the other body parts are too competitive. And tbh we are getting KILLED on the feet. You people are freaks. But after the jump, we start our move, in a pic that has all three! Maybe if you know some celebrities you could get them to post for us. Come on! We’d do it for you! Now go past the jump for hot lizard action!
- White Baldy gets saved by America.
- Black Baldy gets saved by Christina.
- The Voice hates hair.
- Cee Lo made the Piglet Twins sing: Boogie Woogie Bugle We’re Gonna Lose of Company B.
- They were dressed like the things they put on the ends of turkey legs in cartoons.
- Adam Levine’s player (Hillbilly Runaway)sang that One Hit Wonder song: Black Horse and Cherry Tree.
- There were dudes playing white buckets like drums. Why? They didn’t have any black buckets?
- Overall, she sounded like middle of the road karaoke and her Mylie Cyrusish face didn’t help. She’s gonna lose.
- Xtina actually criticized her and was dead on. The chick was overpowered by the backup singers.
- La Lesbiana sang Jolene by Dolly Parton.
- Do you think Dolly Parton took a bunch of naked pictures of herself to be released after she dies?
- If I were her I would release them NOW.
- She wasn’t as…fiery as she was in the battle round.
- Jolene seems like she was pretty hot. Maybe that’s why you don’t meet a lot of Jolenes.
- She picked the song herself and Cee Lo didn’t overrule her. I don’t know why I think that’s interesting but I do.
- Adam’s player Poindexter is all…wimpy and nervous.
- I have no idea what song he’s singing.
- He could wear 100 leather jackets and stab a guy on the stage and he would still be a Poindexter.
- Xtina looks hot tonight. Last week she looked like a lazy-eyed drunk.
- What does “pitchy” mean? Anyone?
- Cee Lo said: “If everybody’s thinking the same then someone’s not thinking.” He still looks like Charles Barkley and his saying makes no sense. What if there are three people and they are all looking at delicious cheeseburgers?
- He’s got a big ‘fro for the group song. Half the people on his team suck. Sasquatch and La Lesbiana are the only good ones.
- The dark haired Piglet Twin isn’t bad. The blonde one looks like she ate Leann Rimes.
- Before the break when they did the “Social Media” room, Shrek said: “I’m waiting for the legal Thompson sister.”
- The Thompson Sisters are the Piglet Twins. Shrek is gross.
- Sasquatch is wearing a ridiculous hat.
- He looks like he should be one of the Black Widows from Every Which Way But Loose.
- I think he just said: “I got a fever, right on the balls.”
- If he did say that I hope he wins.
- Shrek is singing some Jesus song because his mom died. Downer.
- Are there any songs to Buddha?
- I can’t hear him. This does not bother me.
- Adam Levine’s team did their group song with a choir. If they need a choir it’s not a good sign.
- Cee Lo’s cowboy dude sang Addicted to Love. Now I will list some things I would rather hear than that song again.
- Me pulling my dick out of a box of glass.
- My mother bitch that I don’t call her.
- The hot chicks from the Addicted to Lovevideo telling me they want me. But the present day versions of them.
- A doctor tell me: “We’ll have to exploderate your nutsack. Please lean over; we can’t wait for anesthetic.”
- Cowboy guy sucks.
- Sideways Hat Guy went to High School with JW.
- He’s singing Angel by Sarah McLachlan.
- If they start showing pics of fucked up dogs and cats like that commercial and make me cry I’m walking! And I’m not fuckin’ linking it either.
- That dude is gonna win. Well, unless all he does is sing songs perfectly suited for him and blow the shit out of the water. Wait, that IS what he will do and he’s gonna win.
- America Saved Summer Glau.
- Blake Shelton saved Whisper. She’s like, 15. Pedo.
So that’s it. I’ll leave it with Whisper from last week. And if you leer at her you are going to jail. Freaks.
How come I even know who Leann Rimes is? She had one song a million years ago. I think it was called: “Yodeling Jailbait” and now it is 20 something years later and apparently she got a boob job and turned into Jaime Pressly? Why do I care? Isn’t Taylor Swift the blonde squinty-eyed country singer we are supposed to care about now? Does Leann Rimes still even sing songs?
And another thing. How come celebrities get all pissed when the paparazzi takes pictures of them when they have their pastrami flaps hanging out or are strangling their illegal immigrant maids but strut around back and forth just WAITING to get photographed when they have something to show off? Why don’t they just hire their own photographers and then take all the pictures they want? And they could make a couple of bucks selling the pics to the Enquirer. Who loses in this? The answer: Nobody.
So take a look at these pics and explain to me why Leann Rimes matters. Or, even better, listen to her yodeling song after the jump that she recorded when she was like, fifteen. Then look back fast to her grown up, bikini body. Then keep doing that back and forth really fast for 20 seconds. Then close your eyes and you will see pedobear!