Making Scarlett Johansson our latest “Every Single Picture” means that we will have to keep revisiting her since she isn’t dead and will presumably make more movies. And as she started so young, the transformation should be pretty cool over time. Looking are her right now, it’s tough to imagine that she’s been acting for 16 years. If she doesn’t retire she’ll have a page that’s like a mile long. And even when she’s old she’ll still look good because, as she once said:
I definitely believe in plastic surgery. I don’t want to be an old hag. There’s no fun in that.
Good for you Scarlett. And also, seems like there must not be all that many really good child actors at any given time cause look – she was in like, every movie in the 90′s.
Updated 4/13/13 – I forgot we did this so I had some catching up to do.
Well, it’s the end of a year and the beginning of another. Time for me to take stock of the year that was here at the Gallery and then ridicule it mercilessly. If you’d like to see how things shook out in 2010 or 2011, just click those links. Holy crap, I’ve been here for 3 years?! Most people come here, write a post or two, then disappear into the abyss never to be seen again. Speaking of which, those new writers I mentioned in last year’s post? Yeah, didn’t last. Shocker, I know. On the flipside, we did gain two new writers this year, Eva Halloween and Princess Peach. They’ve been around for most of the year so I’d wager all the money that Acadia doesn’t pay me that they stick around.
The site layout is new. Acadia decided to mix it up a little and also changed the header pic. Then he stripped the mine down to the bare essentials, which in this case means he took out the pictures that no one ever looked at and were just taking up bandwith. When all was said and done, he ended up getting rid of more pictures than he kept.
Overall, the Gallery built on the success of last year and managed even more hits this year than 2011. The contests we ran this year (Halloween Costume Contest & Picture Perfect and the February Picture Perfect) were also very successful. I think the best thing to come out of either of those contests was this picture:
Looks like that’s all the yearly news. Guess it’s time to get down to business then. As usual I’ve got two top 10 lists here, one for multiple picture posts and one for single posts. The reason for doing it like this is that on multiple picture posts, it counts each picture view as a hit. That makes it a little hard to compare it to stuff with all it’s content on one page. I should also mention that these are all posts made in the year of 2012. There were some posts made in previous years that managed to still get tons of hits this year, such as this Kate Beckinsale Bikini Sunday post from 2011 that managed way more hits than anything else this year. Of course, the all time heavyweight champion of Superficial Gallery is still Ice Road Trucker Girl Lisa Kelly. But I digress. Hit the jump for lists.
You know what stinks? We don’t get to do enough interviews. I mean, I yell questions at people all the time and pretend I don’t know how to get to Golden Corral and ask people and record their answers but it isn’t the same. Apparently places like “Us Magazine” get to do interviews. They did one with Jessica Biel. Of course they just asked her stupid questions about her stupid husband Justin Stupidlake, particularly about her possibly acting with him.
“I would [act with him] if it was the right thing,” the New Year’s Eve star explained. “I’m not sure what the right thing is. I think you have to be very careful about working with your partner. But that would be so much fun; I absolutely adore him. I actually would prefer him to direct me in something. I think that would be the way to go.”
Suuuure. Get your MySpace-owning, singing, dancing smilin’ laughin’ jokin’ around TV and movie star husband to get you a job. That will make you so much more relatable. Look how great it was for Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds. See, the regular schleps (not me, I’m a fancy magnate) don’t really want to see these fairy-tale match ups. Unless you get drunk and fight all the time like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton or look like cute ugly midgets like Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito we pretty much think you can take your fancy lives and shove it.
Now if you marry some nobody doctor or real estate jerk then we can sort of deal with it. But anything higher than that and we get bothered. You are currently in a movie with Anthony Hopkins, Scarlett Johansson, Helen Mirren and Anthony Hopkins. So I guess doing that isn’t fun enough for you. You want fun? Marry someone who works for the Gallery. You could have fun wondering if anyone was going to comment on your post. Or if anyone even read it…
You might have seen this pic already (some of us have jobs, you know) but here is Scarlett Johansson showing off the tattoo she got from some fancy artist Fuzi Uvtpk in France. I didn’t know Fuzi Uvtpk was a French name but we all know I’m an uncultured doof so I’m sure it is. There is a way bigger picture of it after the jump but it isn’t going to make you feel any better. The whole thing still looks like something a kid drew at camp.
Actually, if you look closely, I think it started out as an upside-down cowboy (see how bow-legged he is) and in the middle the dude (excuse me, Mister Uvtpk) realized it was never going to work so he said “horseshoe” in French and ScarJo went right along with it. Then all he had to do was make a few painful looking dots and then write “LUCKY YOU” in a way that isn’t even lined up with the cowboy legs.
Now, you are Scarlett Johansson and people know you went to get a tattoo. It came out looking like something you would return if you bought it as a sticker at the drug store. Are you going to hit the dude with a bottle and demand a refund and let the world know that you are mad and even though you are rich and famous you got screwed by a French dude whose name probably spells some French swear if you unscramble the letters? No, you are going to pretend it came out just like you wanted and show people.
Don’t get tattoos unless it is an unintelligible squiqqle. Then nobody can give you any guff!
I really don’t want to spoil this movie for anyone. Well, at least not the very end part (stay until after the credits). The rest of it is sort of, eh? What would I really be spoiling? It isn’t like Iron Man is going to die. These are franchises they are working from here. These characters are going to be starring in their own tent pole movies for years to come. Except probably Hulk and Thor and the lame arrow guy and Scarlett Johansson. They won’t be getting any more movies of their own. So maybe they die? DO THEY? Oh come on of course they don’t. And I don’t need to tell you what it’s about, either. Who cares? I’m just going to go through the characters and major (non plot) elements one by one and why I give the movie 3.5 out of 5 Captain America shields!
The following pics contain the pics I made to go with the first round of my “who has the best chest” tournament I am running over on Google Plus. Here are the brackets and the seeds. Go vote in the comments if you want.
|Class A||Class C|
|Class B||Class D|