Ahhh kids. Our future. Blah blah blah. I get the fact that without kids there wouldn’t be anymore people etc. etc. And they are so precious/adorable/hilarious/insightful and all the other things parents say kids are. And I am sure they are all of those things. Personally I know some kids that are pretty great. But after looking at the pictures below, I am pretty convinced that I should just place all my hopes on having robots take care of me when I’m old. Kids are terrible!
I hate when people complain about gifs. They are the only thing on the Internet that deliver consistent entertainment. Imagine if you want to Martin Scorsese and said: you need to make me a movie that is only 2 seconds long and will make everyone happy if it just repeats over and over. He would never be able to do it. Nobody in Hollywood could. Therefore: gifs > the rest of the internet media delivery systems. Take that, Ajax!
After the jump – this kid is really good at karate.
See that picture up there? That’s Britney Spears. She takes one pic of herself in a bikini where she doesn’t look like Danny Devito and the whole internet goes foolish. Take another look at the pic. Her stupid kids are blocking her and it’s all blurry. Actually it doesn’t even really look like her. I might have stumbled onto some kind of conspiracy.
Real or not, though, the pic does illustrate what having kids does to chicks whose job it is to look sexy. Lowers the bar. Wayyy down. My proof is this week’s song. You might not realize it, but “…Baby One More Time” is from 1999. And that makes it fair game. And it should also make everyone look at her in the video and then look at her ridiculous unsexy antics over the past 5 years or so and get really mad. And don’t for ONE SECOND start yapping to me about how “it’s natural” and “everyone is sexy”. No, everyone isn’t. And Britney Spears used to be but squirting out kids, smoking and doing whippets with full cans of whipped cream ruined it. And now we can just look at her dancing around all skinny and whatnot in the video that made her famous and then run to Wikipedia quick and see how old she was when she made it. I personally didn’t because I am a rebel. Or a perv. Whatever.
So remember. The reason it is ok to be mad that Britney Spears is not hot anymore is the same reason why we don’t go watch skinny people box or car races where all the drivers are old. Actually, old people car racing might be cool. Let’s do a Kickstarter!