I’m sure you are all familiar with Fiverr and if you aren’t then you need to go spend like 14 hours there immediately. It is a cornucopia of doofuses willing to do amazing things for five bucks. Not those kinds of things, mind you. Silly stuff, mostly.
But there are a lot that are “marketing” focused. And once a long time ago I dared Eva Halloween to post a commercial I made for her if I ever got around to actually making it. Well I did and you can view it here. A masterpiece, no? No. It is awful. And that was sort of the point. It was supposed to be sort of a joke and to be fair the commercial for the gig was way better than what I got. He offered to give me a refund but it was five bucks and I felt too cheap to make him send me it back. But next time I am definitely going to be more discerning.
I really have to be because here’s what Eva Halloween did in retaliation (if that’s what you call it). The fiverr part is good, but the intro and the bump she put at the end are outstanding. Like – I don’t even need to have the rest of the video. Her and her damn overachieving. Now I need to up my game. Maybe fiverr has a guy who spells the name of your site in the snow with pee. He would have to drink a TON to spell theyearofhalloween.com.
Today’s pampered female flies around in giant jetliners with sky-waitresses bringing her drinks and cigars and jars of diamonds. And what did they do to deserve this fine treatment? Nothing!
In this video we see how ladies of…yore got around. They dressed up in fancy costumes climbed up on the outside of planes (flown by competent men, of course) and danced all the way to wherever it was they were going. Sometimes their clothes fly off (not kidding) and maybe near the end of the video they jump off the planes and parachute onto some old-timey dudes. I don’t know. The video was three whole minutes long. I can’t watch things for that long.
What a nondescript person. And a nondescript song, too. Lucky for me. I should pick nondescript things all the time so I don’t have to describe them.
I guess if I have to say something about the song it would be this: it’s like a frigging lullaby. I only made it halfway through. I mean, I remember it, but sheesh. Am I the only one? Seriously – do you have ANY thoughts about this? The video is after the jump. Don’t screw me over. I am interested in this. It’s like science.
I wonder if when people listen to this song on their oldies station they think that the “Lyrical Jesse James” named in the song is the one who used to make ice cream machines out of golf carts on TLC and cheated on Sandra Bullock with a chick who looked like a crumpled up comic book. When the song came out, everyone thought of the cowboy one. Come to think of it, there were a lot of movies about cowboys in the 90′s, and a lot of movies about baseball, too. What’s that about?
Eh, I don’t know why you let me go on these tangents. I need to stay on point. “It’s gettin’ kinda hectic.” should be a saying that comes up way more often than it does now. I don’t know when the last time I ever heard anyone say it. Or if I ever heard anyone say it if they weren’t actually singing or referring to this song. So I guess what I am trying to say is that we should make this a thing. I can try to say it at least once a day. Maybe more if things are really getting kind of hectic. Incidentally, is “kinda” an actual word or just a phonetic spelling of how everyone but jerks say “kind of”?
Gah, I said no more tangents. Video and lyrics after the jump.
See those people in that pic? They ring a bell? I bet they do, but I am also going to bet that a lot of you can’t name them. But you might remember the story of the plucky girl with the hurt foot who did a vault for the USA in the Olympics. Or you might think that it is the story of an old guy who hobbled and then kidnapped a young girl. Regardless, “Your Woman” by White Town is a song that is sort of like that.
I have no idea what it is about, and I could not tell you any of the words. But I know the song. It’s like someone played it to me when I was sleeping. Every night. For a year. Even after I read some of the lyrics I didn’t understand it. The guy is saying: “I could never be your woman.” No kidding, dude. You are a dude! Why don’t you just write a song about “there is something that you can cut in half and its cross-section would be a cube“. Makes just as much sense.
If you people tell me you don’t remember it I will call you a no good liar. And we will fight. Video and lyrics after the jump.
“You had me at meat tornado.”
See that lame screenshot from the video that I’m featuring this week for Friday 90′s? That’s all we get from now on. Why? Because I think I’m getting sued. Why? Because I used some picture someone linked to me as the banner for a Friday Nineties once and apparently it was copyrighted so for all you know I’ll be getting sent to the…jailhouse. Or something. Meanwhile, stupid Wyclef gets to make up a fake charity to save Haiti and what happened to him? Nothin’! He’s probably the king of Haiti now, or whatever they have there. Meanwhile I got the MAN shaking me down. I think they must think this is a real business. Little do they know what awaits them.
*looks at hosting bill…checks in gallery treasure chest*
Yeah as far as I can tell all they are gonna get is a Super Ball and an HO Touchpad.
*bounces Super Ball…ball goes out window and gets eaten by a mean dog*
Dammit. Someone remind me to find that dog tomorrow so I can film it when his poop goes over the house! Video and lyrics after the jump.
See that guy in the banner? If you know who he is by looking at his picture then the odds are good that you are related to him. If you had asked me who he was before I decided to do this song for Friday Nineties I would have just shaken my head. Then if you told me his name was Shawn Mullins I would just stare at you blankly. Basketball player? Some kid of “enthusiast”? Famous murderer? Maybe all of those things. I don’t know. The whole point of this is that I had no idea who he was. And neither do most of you. But his song? Oh yes. You know the song.
You can probably sing along with it. Or at least do that weird thing where you hum and then sing like, the last couple of words of each line. You know what I mean. It’s like when people only know the chorus of a song. Or when girls do the hand claps in Take the Money and Run. Just small things that make me sad. Anyway, just listen to the song and wonder what this Shawn Mullins guy is doing now. Maybe he is a contestant on “The Next Great Baker”! I better go look.
Oh, and see the new Friday 90′s logo on the right? Yeah. That’s courtesy of Wood Rabbit. She’s aces and she is part of the all new super team that will lead the gallery into 2012 and probably right up until the world ends. Whooo! Video and lyrics after the jump.
As of now, this has 3320 views. It should be millions! Just watch the kid. He’s got the moves like Jagger.
I decided to do Cradle of Love bu Billy Idol this week while I was staying up all hours doing this stuff for work. And mind you, it isn’t like I said I was going to do THIS song. I was just thinking about Billy Idol (shut up) and could not remember the video where the chick kicks the covers down the bed. WORK ON ME said the work I was supposed to be working on. I NEED TO BE FINISHED! I WANT HAPPY ENDING! Not sure when my work started sounding like a weird non-English speaking massage patron but it did. And I would not listen. I wanted to remember the song.
It isn’t like Billy Idol has a diverse catalog. He, like AC-DC, had the good grace to just keep rocking and screw doing anything else. You never heard Billy Idol do a duet with Dido, didja? Nope. Just like if Angus Young was out on the stage rocking and some fool like Neil Young came out to “jam” Angus would just go right by him or possibly push him off the stage. Or at least that’s what I
hope think he’d do. So armed with the knowledge that there are possibly 10 Billy Idol songs that anyone knows, I went digging.
I’d like to tell you this was a big mystery and I ended up fighting some scorpions in a tomb but all I did was remember I had the song in my iTunes so I looked it up and found it. Wow! What a tale! I’m sure you are all feeling like you got your money’s worth on this one. Maybe next week I’ll tell you the story about how I found a dime that I thought was magic but wasn’t. Video and lyrics after the jump.
Fiona Apple. She was so bad. Smoking cigarettes. Being really skinny. Humping a bunch of 90′s looking people in some basement. The video for this song was sort of what “That 70′s Show” would have been if it had been “That 90′s Show”. Sort of makes me wonder how the world is working now since the people in this video are all in the late 30′s, early 40′s now. They prolly have jobs and kids and herpes and all sorts of other happy reminders of what criminals they were.
Did you know that when you take ecstasy it makes your brain flood with dopamine? That’s what makes you feel so good. But what all the self-involved dip-shits didn’t know when they were taking it while listening to Fiona Apple was that the human body only creates a certain amount of dopamine and it’s supposed to last you your whole life. So Fiona and all her friends might have thought it was a great idea to get all zonked out and roll around some weird house but they were wrong. Not right away, and not even in 20 years. But let’s say…when they are 60. I don’t know what year that will be because I’m not some sort of Calendar Wizard but I think we will know when it is by the high numbers of ex-hipsters killing themselves because they are so sad.
Will the mass, dopamine-shortage-driven suicides of 90′s narcissists be caused directly by Fiona Apple and her song “Criminal”? I don’t know for sure. But I can say without any reservations that the odds are 50 / 50 that it’s her fault. Video and lyrics and some dude’s foot in her mouth after the jump!
Yeah I was busy all day. And it was so long ago that I did the show that the only two things I remember is that Beans told a really boring story about Pennsylvania and Melzer lorded his riches over me and refused to buy me an HP Touchpad.
Later I watched Iron Man 2. It was pretty stupid. But then I watched some more South Park and laughed at butters. I want to kidnap him and raise him as my own. I don’t think anything is cute and I think Butters is cute. So there! I’m not a monster! Yay Podcaturday!
If you don’t get this one I don’t want to know you. My clue for Name That Ringtone Game 4 took a long time to make and it didn’t help any of you. I’m glad Malissa figured it out finally. See what I did was make the first letter of each sentence in the opening paragraph spell out the name of the song. It was “The Goonies” by Cyndi Lauper. You can watch it below. If you want to skip over all the old WWF wrestlers in the beginning, the song starts around 2:15.
Here are the rules!
- First correct answer in the comments gets 5 points.
- Every other correct answer in the comments gets one point until I say that game is closed.
- One random person from the post with the correct answer (who didn’t win) will get 5 points instead of 1. Just so it doesn’t become a runaway.
- First one to 100 will win something.
New standings, the video from last week and a HINT after the jump!
So the song this week is “What’s Up” by 4 Non-Blondes. It’s a musical tribute to befuddlement and I thought that Total Recall would be a good pic to use. Poor Quaid. He doesn’t know WHAT’S going on! And the more I watched this video the more I realized that the band kind of looks like they got dressed by me if I were going to make a Mad Max movie. And I somehow had Boy George in it.
I’m not going to pretend that I know what the song is about but I assume that since it was the 90′s (1992 to be exact) there was a lot of angst about all the Gulf Wars and shit and kids just needed to let everyone know how complicated they were. But then the Mad Hatter lady says that she is praying for “Revolution”. What kind? Industrial? Was she calling for the Internet to be invented? Maybe she was talking about Prince’s band. Actually, that makes a lot more sense. I’m going to go with that. And if you ever want to be in a Mad Max movie, let me know. I’ll totally let you be in mine. You can take Boy George’s part (he’s sort of weird). Video and lyrics after the jump.