So this weekend, Trump shocked nobody by winning the South Carolina Republican Primary which means that…well, nobody knows exactly what it means. It might mean that Trump is going to get the nomination which would mean it would be him against Hillary or Bernie. That would be pretty sweet. I mean, if you thought The Donald had fun beating up on Jeb, wait til he gets his mitts on Hilly or Old Man Winter. And since nobody has even mentioned the fact that Trump sort of….how can I put this….makes stuff up. How we know there are people who don’t care about what he makes up, but there is a whole second half of the country that thinks that he is not really running. You can’t run for President just because you’re rich, right?
Well, maybe not. There’s some fun speculation on whether or not Bloomberg will run. Why not? I am sure that amassing a bunch of money must make you a successful leader which means you could be President, right? If you know how to win, you should be able to WIN the presidency. You hear me, Peyton Manning? Nobody will care if you did HGH on the campaign trail, and everyone loves your Nationwide commercials. You could even make it your campaign jingle:
~Vote for me for Presideeeeent.~ Sounds good, right?
And I guess realizing what a terrible President Peyton would be SHOULD show the voters what a terrible President Sore Loser Trump and/or Bloomberg would be. It won’t, but it should. And it pretty much guarantees that if Trump gets the nomination and LOSES that everyone will blame whatever happens to the country on the fact that he wasn’t around. Which then means that next election we can pretty much be sure to have:
- Trump II – the Revenge
- Mr. Burns from the Simpsons
- Elon Musk (Obama lifted the weird name restriction)
- Richard Branson (sure he’s British but Trumps two opponents are Cubans who hate immigrants SO WHO CARES ABOUT RULES?)
- The Monopoly guy
- Mark Cuban
Who will win then? Tom Brady. Is he qualified? By our new standards he is. He even has a wife that doesn’t speak English super well like Trump! So let’s just prepare ourselves for Brady in 2020. This time, cheating will HELP!