As we all know, “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” broke the record for most money made in the US for a movie and it shows no signs of stopping. And as we all also know, Disney will own us for two more generations at least. It used to be that you went to movies to see things that would make you think and you watched TV so you didn’t have to think. I am not pretending I figured this out on my own, but I will say that it seems to be more and more true all the time.
The TV show “Star Wars: The Clone Wars” is pretty great and it’s a cartoon. Or I guess one of those weird computer made cartoons which seem like they would be harder to make than actual cartoons. At any rate, check it out on Netflix if you want to see something good and have already been outraged by those hillbillies that got framed in Wisconsin.
I bring this all up because two things happened over the Christmas break. 1: I got Battlefront for Christmas. 2: My millennial neighbors had seen episode 1 (the husband) and “saw all three prequels but didn’t remember them” (the wife). Now, I obviously freaked out and tried to figure out what to do. I needed to see “The Force Awakens” but I wanted the neighbors to see it, too but they hadn’t seen anything so they weren’t ready and it was VERY STRESSFUL. So I just took off and watched it by myself so I didn’t have to worry about spoilers and then made a new plan. I gave the prequels to the neighbors and played Battlefront while thy watched them.
I suck at Battlefront. The game itself might suck (look how mad the guy in the video is) but I suck AT it. I had the second one and played the hell out of it when it came out in 2005. And since I had no friends the single player was awesome. The single player in this game is almost non existent, which is officially my excuse for sucking at it. Not enough practice. But I also played a ton of multi player and that didn’t go very well. There is a part of it where you get assigned a partner and at one point I had a guy that was wicked good at it. Every time I died (which was once every 30 seconds) I would respawn by my buddy. He was always mixin’ it up and whatnot. And then, for the first time ever, I got a message in PS4 and it was my buddy! Here is what he said, followed by my reply.
Whatever, OG_OFFICIAL_08 – I don’t need you to tell me I suck. I need to tell you that you’re mean and probably have fetal alcohol syndrome so GOOD JOB PEAKING WITH BATTLEFRONT III YOU PUNK!
Now, in the intervening time, I had my neighbors over and we watched Star Wars 4-6 which means they are officially the first people I have ever known that watched them in the 1-6 order. They seemed fine with it. Then we went to see episode 7 and all was well. Movie wise, anyway.
So the husband (we will call him, Florg) used to have a PS4 but he sold it and got an X-Box which was useless. So he got a controller for PS4 so we could do split screen. Then the other neighbor (we will call him: Jinwa) came over and hey guess what? They both killed me. They didn’t even have the game yet and I lost. Now, I successfully blamed the controller, the lack of practice and Florg’s 14 month old daughter.
And I guess being able to kill me at will made both Florg and Jinwa excited because Jinwa bought the game and is now practicing and Florg bought a gd PS4 so he can kill me from Charlotte. But, I do have a secret weapon that might help me. If I am far away I can just disconnect if I am losing and pretend it is bad reception or whatever. I don’t care. I am not going to let my actual neighbors go all OG_OFFICIAL_08 on me. I can’t take it.
Watch the video game review and then think about the fact that I had to sort of watch Star Wars 1-6. Makes no sense! None!