The following is a sponsored post. I’m getting paid for it. If you all just sent me money I wouldn’t have to do this but you don’t so here we are. At least I find cool places to advertise and make the commercials fun.
“It’s nice to meet you.” Acadia leaned over the corner of his desk and shook the man’s hand. “So Doris tells me that you’re missing a ring?”
The short, neatly dressed man looked up sadly. “Not just any ring. And not just one ring. I’ve lost three custom engagement rings. And if I don’t get them back soon, I am going to be in a lot of trouble.” The man looked at his watch. “I have three hours.”
Acadia “Treacherous” Einstein looked at the man. He was about 5’5” and trim. He was wearing an expensive suit and certainly looked like the kind of guy who could afford multiple diamond rings. Actually, thinking about it, he looked like the kind of guy who wouldn’t really sweat having to get three new ones. At any rate, it was time to get some more information.
“OK, sir. Let’s get a few things out of the way.” Einstein sat down and flipped open a notepad. “I get $40 per day plus expenses. Obviously since you are saying we only have three hours you can give me $20.00 and we’ll go from there. So, tell me why you had three rings and how you think you lost them. Oh, and your name would help, too.”
The man stood up and looked out the window. The view of Portland, Maine’s harbor made everyone calm down a little, and Einstein paid a premium for the office space. It helped that he lived in the other room, but still, the rent was high.
“My name is Dexter Handsome and I am in love with three women. Each woman knows about the other two and they all found out today that I was going to be giving all of them an engagement ring.
“You see, Mr. Einstein, there are laws against marrying more than one person, but asking more than one person to marry you is quite legal. Since I could not decide on my own I decided to propose to all three and then work out some way to choose between then, but then there were…complications.
“I called all the girls to let them know to meet me tonight at my apartment at 8pm sharp. I explained that I would be giving out diamond jewelry and that we would figure out who I would end up with after I had given them out.”
Einstein sounded incredulous. “They all agreed to this?”
Handsome nodded. “They sure did. And when I was finished with my calls, I went into the bedroom. When I came back, they were gone!”
“Did anyone else know they were there?”
“No,” Handsome shook his head. “I was alone. What am I going to do?”
Einstein looked at the man and told him the truth. “Mr. Handsome, I don’t think you bought any rings. I think you’re scared and you don’t know how to get out of this. You look well off enough to be able to buy three more rings and have them waiting for the girls when you got there.
“I think you called me because you wanted it to look official. You wanted the girls to really believe you felt so strongly that you would go to the expense of a ring for each person. But I think what you really want to have happen is for one of the girls to pick for you.”
“What do you mean?” Handsome looked like a guy in the water who had just been thrown a rope.
“Look, go back to your apartment and call the girls. Tell them that you don’t have any rings, but that you will get one for whichever one of them decides they want to stay with you. If it were me, I’d tell you to go spit, but who knows what dames want?” Einstein got up and opened the door of his office.
Handsome moved toward the door and then stopped. “How’d you know?”
“You never told me how much they cost. Guy loses his expensive watch, first thing out of his mouth is the price, then what kind of watch it was. ‘My $5,000 Rolex is gone’. You never brought it up once.”
“Well, I am rich. I could have just not cared.”
“If you didn’t care you wouldn’t have come to see me. Good luck, Mr. Handsome. And hey, if one of those birds gives you the heave-ho, send her my way.”
Handsome left without another word. He wasn’t smiling. Einstein looked back at his desk. It was bare. The guy stiffed him!
That was enough for the day. Einstein shut off the lights, locked the door and went into the other room to relax. If nothing else, his commute was short.
Finally a diamond commercial that doesn’t make me feel stabby!
This is the only commercial I’ve ever read.
Wow! Advertising on your site works! I now have the urge to by 6 diamond engagements rings!
I wish people would pay me too.