When one is disarming a bomb, one needs to keep calm.  Panic causes mistakes and makes one sweat.  Then the sweat gets in ones eyes and ruins their designer T-shirts.  Agent Acadia Einstein knew all this because he was currently ruining his shirt and squinting terribly and wished that standard secret agent attire included a giant Paul Pierce style headband.  Acadia was a the Hanalei Bay Resort and the bomb had been found in the lost luggage room.  Einstein wasn’t even supposed to be there.  Just his luck.

The trip to Hawaii was going to be a quick stopover:  pick up some microfilm, go to Dog the Bounty Hunter’s house and cut his GD hair, (that was personal, not business) then fly to Singapore for the real mission.  He was supposed to pick up the film at this hotel but his contact never showed.  And when he was about to leave he heard one of the employees say that a suitcase was ticking.  And Einstein, having once been tricked by a very large rectangular clock, wandered over to the lost luggage room to see if he could help.  At first glance, it was totally not a clock.

So now he had the back hinges of the case removed and was working on the bomb from the back.  It didn’t seem too complex and he was sure he could have it defused quickly but then realized why he was sweating so much.  This was all wrong.  Microfilm?  Someone in a hotel just yelling out that there was a bomb in the hotel?  Them just letting some guy from the lobby start defusing it?  Nobody calls the cops?  This is a huge trap.  He straightened up and stopped working on the “bomb”.  As he turned around he heard the click of a gun.  A tall Hawaiian with a polo shirt, khaki pants and a pistol with a silencer was behind him.  Acadia had never seen him before.

“Mr. Einstein, I need you to come with me.  I assure you that the ‘bomb’ is harmless and the hotel will be quite fine.  To be honest I am a little surprised that you fell for any of this.”

Acadia couldn’t disagree.  The whole thing seemed so stupid in retrospect.  Maybe he had been drugged back in Portland?  As he walked down a narrow hallway into the back of the hotel he casually assessed his situation.  Nobody in front of him.  Tall guy with the gun behind him.  He could still hear the bustle of the hotel and there was no way this goof would shoot him right then.  The door at the other end of the hallway was too far away.  Why drag a bleeding corpse down a hall when you can just make him walk and then shoot him?

He took his chance and spun around quickly – his lightning speed caught the tall guy by surprise, as did Einstein’s Peruvian Jaw Splitter punch.  The tall man dropped like a stick and the gun rattled against the floor.  Acadia grabbed it.  It felt…

“This gun is made of wood!” he said to nobody.  What kind of ridiculous trap is this?

“The kind that you don’t escape from…Mr. Einstein.”

Acadia turned around to see the ugliest man he had ever seen.  He had heard about him but never seen him.  But that face.  It had to be him.  Captain Blap.  This was serious.  Captain Blap clapped his hands, his terrible face jiggling in a way that was just…wrong.  Three guys came out of a door Acadia hadn’t even seen.  Maybe he had been drugged.  No matter.  One guy blew powder in his face and on his way to the floor he realized this was serious…