Can someone get Santa a cough drop?

First of all, A Christmas to Dismember – sign me up! I am ready for this creeptastic Christmas movie! What a nostalgic nod to Tales from the Crypt episode starring Joan Collins titled, “… All Around the House”. We also get a little Easter egg with comparison to AHS: Asylum’s episode 8, “Unholy Night,” in which a killer Santa is on the loose. Talk about ruining that Christmas spirit! Murphy and Falchuk really came in with a strong follow up to last week. Join me with a glass of wine and let’s talk Traitor.

It’s all about the Benjamin’s baby.

We find out that Dinah is the predecessor of our favorite Voodoo Queen, Marie Laveau and she’s using her powers for capital gain in LA. Cordelia asks for a meeting with Papa Legba and Dinah is happy to arrange – to the tune of $100k. Cordelia wants to trick Michael into Hell and trap him there – but needs Papa Legba’s help. Earth to Cordelia – Michael’s dad lives in Hell. After we get the epic return of Nan – who is seriously living her best afterlife, Papa offers to help Cordelia as long as she sells the souls of all of her girls in return. Cordelia declines the deal and rather offers herself as a sacrifice. Papa Legba refuses her counter stating there’s no deal unless he gets the girls. 

Double Trouble

Next, we are introduced to Bubbles McGee, a witch turned actress who is shooting her latest Lifetime thriller. After some witty banter with Madison, Bubbles agrees to help take down the warlocks using her gift of soul reading. She will attend a dinner at Hawthorne’s, at Myrtle’s urging, and find out what they are up to where the coven is concerned. She learns of their plan to kill them all and reign power over the world with Michael as the Alpha. But she also finds out that they’ve killed one of their own, John Henry, a crime punishable by burning at the stake. 

I dunno, I just did it.

Coco has a new talent and it’s … well … as she puts it – a human Weight Watchers. Give her a piece of food and she will tell you how many calories are in each piece. Impressive talent; however, she chokes to death on a Sno Ball trying to prove her powers. Mallory pulls out some witchery we’ve never seen before and as saves Coco by slicing her neck open and removing said food item. She then heals her up and as a result Coco is back and kicking. How many times can a group of characters come back to life? And no one knows CPR?

Pas the salt? Behold?

The coven – plus Behold – are having a lovely dinner themselves when we learn exactly how Myrtle came back – for the third time. Cordelia performed a spell that nearly took her own life to call in the reserves for this situation. The witches do their best “Saturday Night Fever” walk to gather John Henry’s ashes. Myrtle vapes. All is well in the world. Mallory shocks the coven when she performs the most badass resurgence known literally bringing John Henry from a flame of fire to life. A new Supreme is among us everyone! 

S’more anyone?

As if driving a Prius murder mobile, killing John Henry, and plotting a grand scheme to destroy the world isn’t enough, Miriam proves she a true monster when she pushes that buggy into another car and doesn’t return it to it’s bay. ANIMAL. Anyway, Coco is used as a distraction while the council snatches Miriam from the parking lot. What about those hooves? All that satanic zing wasted. Shame. 

All in a day’s work. 

Cordelia busts the warlocks when she walks in on them cackling over the spell that kills only women. True gentlemen as you can see. Most importantly, she advises them that their new concoction is nothing but an old trick procured by none other than a witch in the 1500’s. She then uses a spell that all women must learn, perpetuum clausis, basically a STFU for men. Next, we get the justice we’ve been waiting for – John Henry in all his glory setting Ariel and Baldwin on fire without an eyelash out of place. Imagine the surprise on their faces when he came billowing in looking fine as hell. No pun intended. Miriam also gets the burn treatment, but seemingly enjoys this as she’ll finally get to see Daddy Satan. Bitch walk away commence. 

What were your thoughts on episode 7 of AHS: Apocalypse? Did John Henry’s return reignite (see what I did there?) hope that the witches will be able to reverse the end of the world? Do you think Evie is Bubbles under an enchantment? Is it by coincidence that she, Mallory, Coco, and Gallant were on the plane to outpost #3? Or do you think she’s another character introduced for the episode? Comment below with your thoughts! Don’t forget to subscribe to Superficial Gallery for all the horror tea to quench your thirst and I’ll see you on Halloween for a very special live stream reaction to Episode 8.