Hey ho, let’s go! It’s that time again – American Horror Story debuted their eighth season, Apocalypse, on Wednesday Sept. 12, and let’s just say it was both horrific and comedic, to say the least. This installment has easily been the highest anticipated season as we will finally be rewarded with the crossover we’ve all waited for – season one’s Murder House and season three’s Coven. While Apocalypse will feature it’s own new plot, many of the players from Murder House and Coven will be returning to reprise their coveted roles. Of course we’re finally getting the *possible* showdown of a lifetime thanks to none other than Michael Langdon, aka the devil spawn born to Vivien Harmon and Tate Langdon in season one of the anthology series. Now let’s get down to brass tacks and recap what we know so far after the premiere of season eight.  And if you want to watch the live show, jump to the bottom of the page!

 

GAME APOCALYPSE: Who are the players?

Coco St. Pierre Vanderbilt: Social media influencer/billionaire heiress. The character you love to hate, but hate to love. She’s here to whine, especially when she dines at Outpost #3. 

Mr. Gallant: Sassy and classy hair stylist that believes he can convince you no one else has the same hairstyle as you.

Mallory: Personal assistant to Coco, she takes the grunt of Coco’s verbal harassment, but needs the money I suppose.

Brock: Coco’s contractual husband who is later released of all marital obligations and left to incinerate along with the rest of the poor souls left in the city.

Evie Gallant: Mr. Gallant’s rich and oblivious Nana. She opens with chastising her housekeeper for serving her “burnt champagne” (a classic Dynasty quip starring the one and only Joan Collins) only to be told the world is ending while her dashing grandson swoops in to save the day. But not without fresh champagne for the road.

Timothy Campbell: One of the genetically fit chosen survivors to take to Outpost #3. Timothy is part of a, ironically, nuclear family who has just been accepted by UCLA before being ripped from his family and thrown into an armored Hummer. Goodbye yellow brick road. Timothy’s DNA was obtained from an ancestry DNA kit submitted online. *WARNING PEOPLE: Don’t fall for this slick plan orchestrated by a secret society that will use your DNA for good or evil eventually.*

Emily: Another genetic mutant (aptly named after my love of X-Men and their genetic mutation for super powers). Emily was sprung outta the pokey and put in the same bunker as Timothy before the nuclear missile strikes LA. *NOTE: it’s assumed she’s a teenage mutant because she’s with Timothy, but this isn’t actually confirmed in episode one.

Ms. Wilhemina Venable: The leader of Outpost #3 who also won’t stand for being called anything but Ms. Venable. She’s stiff and walks with a cane, but can serve up a cold bitch slap when the time is necessary. She’s also a conniving, evil, soulless woman, and that’s just from the first episode.

Miriam Mead: Ex-military with killing in her DNA. She proves to be a ruthless executioner with a surprising hit of moral compass around Ms. Venable. She’s a trickster so don’t let her near you with a Geiger counter or you’re the next day’s warm meal.

Andre Stevens/Stu Stew: This beautiful couple is also in Outpost #3 and have an undying love. That is until Miriam runs her Giger trick on poor unsuspecting Stu and well … the rest is settling quite well in Nana Evie’s belly. The best white meat chicken she’s had and, BONUS, it’s full of fiber. Andre is not pleased and understandably upset although Ms. Venable and Miriam “assure” everyone that eating dead bodies are at the top of their no-no list.

Dinah Stevens: Perhaps the silver lining in the shit storm of Outpost #3. She’s sensible (so far), sweet (so far), and always has something positive to say. Although, Mr. Gallant doesn’t get her bumper sticker shit and quite frankly doesn’t want to hear it. Re: sassy and classy as stated above.

Michael Langdon: The antichrist born to Vivien and Tate in season one is all grown up and ready for his calling in life. He’s the head of The Cooperative and is so fly he literally looks like the vampire Lestat. Moment of silence for those beautiful locks of golden hair. *** Let’s move on. He comes in strong like a twisted prince charming via contaminated pus laden horse drawn carriage. His credentials are impressive, not only does his ID end in 666, but he’s got unlimited access and the skills to intimidate Ms. Venable. He’s here to take out the trash, in more than one way.

The Cooperative: A privately funded organization that could quite possibly be associated with the government/military in some way or another. They’ve known the missiles were coming and were busy preparing their outposts for those chosen and those who’ve paid to survive this attack when the time comes.

 

Now that we’ve gotten introductions out of the way, let’s do a quick sweep of how we ended up with Michael Lestat, I mean Langdon, swooping in to evaluate Outpost #3.

Citizens of LA receive a security alert informing them that missiles are coming and will wipe everyone out in approximately an hour. We learn from Coco’s father (RIP) that he’s secured four spots on a private jet that will take her to safety if she can get to Santa Monica quickly. She brings Mallory along and convinces her that she’s basically Elton John without her. Coco will never hold a candle to Elton. I digress. The city is in total chaos with people committing suicide to avoid becoming ash after the missile attack. Coco makes it to the plane but not without Mr. Gallant and his comedic relief Nana, Evie, and forces his way onto the plane. There are two more spots and Brock has no chance in hell of getting to the airport in time. People come for the plane and one hell of a dedicated driver sacrifices his life to save Coco and the motley crew aboard the PJ. Meanwhile, back in LA, everyone has lost their minds looting, murdering, and basically going all out Purge style since it’s the end of the world as they know it. Coco and crew watch LA go up in smoke from the safety of 30,000 feet in the air. Someone finally asks where they’re headed. Let’s ask the pilot … oh wait – no one is piloting the plane! Spooktacular. Evie to the rescue with her witty remark about not getting a fresh fruit cup. Priorities people.

We catch up to Timothy and Emily (hey that rhymes!) who are now being transported two weeks post missile attack to what we learn is Outpost #3. They emerge into a dark and foggy world and watch two occupants of Outpost #3 go down execution style for a crime of which we soon learn is a hard line in these parts.

Upon entering Outpost #3 they are poofed, decontaminated , and ushered into the most ornate fallout shelter mankind has known – or did when they were living … that’s irrelevant. Ms. Venable remarks that The Occupation transformed a prior all boys school once they knew the world’s fate. Emily asks if it was transformed for the end, but Ms. Venable corrects her by saying it’s the beginning. *Hold that thought*

Ms. Venable breaks down the color class within Outpost #3 – someone read The Handmaid’s Tale before coming up with this tiered class. The Greys are your standard worker bees – not privileged but important to the necessity of order. Next are the Purples – The Elite – these lucky ones are either there by way of a rich lifestyle or being a teenage mutant. The Elite can do pretty much whatever – but there are rules. 1) Only refer to Ms. Venable as, well, Ms. Venable. Typical power play as we learn later she is nothing but a black hole instead of an actual human with a soul. 2) You may not leave the outpost under any circumstance at all. If you leave, you are contaminated, and must be dealt with accordingly – which means losing your furnished room complete with trendy Victorian era clothing. Score! 3) No unauthorized copulation ever. There are sever consequences for this violation. Unauthorized? Do you need a permission slip to do a little mattress dancing? A roll in the hay? We learn here that is the reason the two Greys were executed when our teenage mutants arrived. Can you say buzzkill?

Timothy decides to shower – good call since you’ve been in the aftermath of a nuclear annihilation. He fogs up the room with hormones and hot water combined. After toweling off he looks into the mirror only to see the numbers “666” written and a warning whisper of “Beware Timothy”. He thinks it’s odd but doesn’t want to be tardy for the cocktail party.

Cocktail hour is upon us and you have to be dressed accordingly. Tighten those corsets ladies – don’t worry, you won’t feel uncomfortable after this meal. The teenage mutants meet the rest of Outpost #3’s residents who have been there at most two weeks already. Everyone is their usual happy selves, except for Coco who has found something to complain about (I see a pattern). Cocktail hour also comes with a creepy song, courtesy of Ms. Venable.

Dinner is upon us and each person is served a delicious ice cube/marshmallow that contains all the vitamins necessary for your body to function. Coco complains. Evie has a witty one liner. Life goes on. Miriam informs Ms. Venable that a radiation spike has been detected amongst the room. Insert Geiger counter and a panel of suspects full of fear. Miriam delivers a speech on the affects of radiation to the body and how selfish it is of the person to risk contaminating everyone in Outpost #3. After a thorough sweep the Geiger counter pulls the unfortunate culprits, Mr. Gallant and Stu. Both are taken in for a shower from hell resulting in missing skin and naked bodies on the floor. Insert gratuitous butt shot of Evan Peters. Ladies and gents you’re welcome. Luckily for Mr. Gallant and his fabulous behind, he appears to be clean after the rigorous shower; however, Stu is not so lucky. Cut to everyone consoling Andre who has just lost the love of his life. Cue the delicious courtesy meal, a nice, warm pot of stew. Ms. Venable is spitting her game and spinning the truth about poor Stu all while the others begin divulging in this amazing non-ice cube/marshmallow dinner. Mr. Gallant finds an oddity – perhaps a bone, which raises concern amongst the others. Andre – bless his heart – then finds a finger of the man he once shared a life with, Stu. Stu is the stew?! Say what?! Most everyone is disgusted while Andre has a mental break. Nana Evie is chowing down and talking up the amount of fiber in the meal.

After dinner, everyone begins to become suspicious of Outpost #3. What’s really going on here – deep down everyone knew Stu didn’t leave the outpost and they all knew he was dinner. Amongst the rage and outcry over Stu, Emily quiets everyone and points out that the room is silent. On cue, a new and slightly more upbeat song comes on and Mr. Gallant is elated. He not only loves the song, but is convinced it’s a message from The Cooperative. Soon they will be saved!

Miriam knocks on Ms. Venable’s door and asks if she’s decent. Ms. Venable replies that she’s decent enough and Miriam enters with a smirk. The two transform from hard ass heads to giggling school girls over their mischief in Outpost #3. How did Miriam pull it off – Ms. Venable has to know. We learn that Miriam simply turns the sensitivity up on the ole Geiger and picks her victims at random. She likes the thrill of a kill, but also shows a hint of morality when asking Ms. Venable what The Cooperative would think if they knew how Outpost #3 was being run. It’s definitely not by protocol and the two enjoy playing games with the residents, but The Cooperative have been paying her bills for years and she basically doesn’t want to screw up the good thing she’s got going. Here’s a hint – stop killing rando folks. That may solve your wavering attitude towards evil. Ms. Venable goes NWA on Miriam telling her to screw The Cooperative. They are the only ones that matter. It’s assumed that have some sort of relationship beyond that of co-workers, but there’s not a clear sign they are lovers.

Cut to 18 months later and we see a mad, cabin fevered array of disparity scattered about the room. Did you see Coco’s hair? She’s got the ‘do to match the threads. Outraged by another cube-mallow dinner, along with Ms. Venable’s announcement that food supply is running short and they must cut back to one meal a day, Mr. Gallant has had enough! He goes into full toddler tantrum mode and throws a plate against the wall, teasing the guards in the process. He is invincible in his eyes and can’t be touched. Suddenly, a red alarm has been triggered and sirens are wailing as Ms. Venable sends trusty ole Miriam to check out the perimeter. She is greeted by an eerie horse drawn carriage and a man in black. He flashes his credentials and wants to speak to Ms. Venable. It’s assumed Miriam knows him from some other time pre nuclear missile attack. He asks her to take care of his horses and we see an up close shot of the poor contaminated horses and their pustulate faces. The side effects of radiation.

Michael Langdon greets Ms. Venable as if he rode a magic carpet into the outpost. Cape and locks flying in the non-existing wind since there is no electricity. He begins to question Ms. Venable on how she has run the only successful outpost to emerge from the ashes. We learned earlier in the episode that 3 outposts had already been overrun, now three more, and three that won’t make it through the next few months. I suppose 1 out of 10 ain’t bad? She scrambles through some lame dialogue that Langdon is having no part in believing. He tells her he’s here to save them and take them to The Sanctuary where supplies are stocked for at least a decade and it’s like Disneyland for the prisoners of nuclear war. He lets her in on his plan, which is not to save them all, but to evaluate each person in the group and see which ones get the golden ticket and which ones end up like his horses. Oh, which by the way, have been shot by Miriam and drug into the brush where they are devoured by some unknown creature. This is when the credits roll for season 8, episode 1 of AHS:Apocalypse.

What are your thoughts/theories on who the The Cooperative consists of and what their intentions? What are you most excited about this season? A possible show down between the witches and The Cooperation? What creatures lie beyond the outpost and how do you think this ties into Coven?Comment below and let us know what you thought of the premiere of AHS:Apocalypse. Our rating scale is simple: you can rate 1-5, 5 being the best ever, in cube-mallows and don’t forget to join us on YouTube – Superficial Gallery – every Friday night at 10:15pm EST as we run through the events of the latest episode and continue to build our theories for this season. Don’t have time for YouTube live? Don’t worry, we got you covered with a podcast as well. Head over to your favorite podcast app and look us up! Swipe right if you want to be part of the hype!