Apparently the Internet doesn’t want you to talk to anyone at a gas station.  Ever.  For any reason.

This is from Center, Texas, but this is very serious.

Shelby County Clerk’s office

There is a syndicate of criminals presenting themselves as sales promoters who are giving free key -ring holders at gas stations or parking lots.  The key rings have a tracking device chip which allows them to follow you.  Please don’t accept them. They select their seemingly well-to-do potential victims and if you accept, then you will be in for their tricks.  The key holders are very beautiful & hard to resist accepting but remember you may end up paying more than the key holder including the risk to your life.  Please advise your friends and family members as well as it will probably spread to other parts of the country.

Chandrell L Polk
Shelby County Clerk’s Office

How many Batman tracer device keychain things do these fools think I can keep track of?  Like – say I gave out 15 tracer key chains and you dumb victims went driving all around town with them.  How the fuck would I know which was which?  Would there be a app for that?  Like Google Maps for robbers?

No – I don’t think so.  I think if I wanted to follow someone I would probably…I don’t know…follow them?

Dummies.  Stupid Chandrell L Polk.  Stupid Internet.