While I am aware that few like soccer (even though some insanely talented writer here did a stunning, pulitzer-worthy series on the World Cup for this here site), I am completely knowing that people love people with wacky names.
So, English Premier League mainstay Liverpool have been scouring the globe looking for quality young talent that they can mismanage and probably sell off before they get really good. Liverpool has found a 21 year old Dutch striker who has a name so powerful, so amazing that they can make back whatever it costs to sign him on jersey sales alone.
His name? RICKY VAN WOLFSWINKEL.
Seriously.
It will be a signing that will live in history if made. I eagerly await episodes of “Liverpool Classics” in which old soccer reporters will say things like “you know the Van Wolfswinkel signing is what really started the dynasty.” I await proper sounding English commentators trying to speak fast and follow the action while also tripping over the words RICKY VAN WOLFSWINKEL. Most importantly I hope for (nay, EXPECT) to start seeing these jerseys everywhere:
TWENTY9CAST: Now with the power of 1,000 Wolfswinkles.
I’d change my name to Wolfswinkle if I could. But no first name. Just Wolfswinkle. Like Cher.
thanks for the news but I HATE soccer, folks!!