Hi everyone, this is JW and mere minutes before Big Brother started I went looking for Acadia and got this important message from Evangeline:

“Acadia is out gallivanting around and Big Brother is on tonight. Is there any way you can write the re cap in his absence?  PLEASE PLEASE?”

So, while the fearless leader is away, I will fill in and provide the best possible recap, or you get a FULL REFUND.

Before we start, I don’t do screen shots, but I will provide links and nude pictures, so really, six of one, 1/2 dozen…

Apparently our friend Andrew (a.k.a. Jewish guy) went completely nuts over his nomination on the live feeds.

We start with a recap, which is great as I never remember what happened last week. Is Matt playing both sides? (yes) Did Matt manage to stand on a surfboard the longest, winning HOH? (yes). Did Matt put up Kathy the elder and Andrew? (yes). We will find out tonight what the Brigade has planned for us; hopefully a name change to their lame sounding group.

Day 21, and Rachel (NSFW) actually STOPS YELLING IN HER INTERVIEWS to say that she was surprised that her and Brandon didn’t go up. Kathy is shocked that she went up. Hayden says “brah” or something. And Matt don’t give a fuck – he does what he wants because it’s HIS HOH.

Cut to the Rachel/Brendon showmance canoodling while Andrew walks in, defeated and without hope. Mama Kathy tries to make some sweet talk in Matt’s HOH room while wearing short shorts, oblivious to the idea that there are many many attractive women in that soundstage. Kathy wasn’t gunning for him, Matt isn’t buying it. Andrew begins the kevtching, to Hayden and some girl who i never see but Acadia calls her stealth tits (NSFW). Andrew is a man alone if you think about it; he goes along with his business, practices Judaism and cock-blocks the lovers. After the ice tea has peaches in it (meaning the have nots can’t drink it), Andrew begins a tantric moan, hating Rachel due to her insensitive behavior. He wants Brendan, all alone, in one alliance. But breasts overpower all Andrew, even money.

Back outside, The BRIGADE meet up and scheme about backdooring some folks. By the way, “Meow Meow” is literally the shittiest nickname ever. Like the worst. Think of a nickname that someone would give themselves to look cool that would be worse. You’re coming up with nothing right? Anyways, the plan is to break up the showmance by putting Brendon up.

While I am in the adverts, allow me to share the pattern I have noticed in the four years I have watched this show. Time is such a bitch for stupid people, especially when you’re stupid and are chosen to be in this show. Every season a group of people makes a good decision and puts up a threat, only to fret and worry and panic and let that passage of time, each hour after hour screw with their infant brains. They then reconsider, or get talked out of it, or decide that the best strategy is to put up someone weaker. Always happens, every time. That Evil Dick guy won that one year BECAUSE OF THAT.

Anyways, we’re back and it is time for the “hey these wacky kids are living TOGETHER segment!” Andrew is clean. He loves to clean. Enzo will call him “captain cleanup”, because he can never ever come up with a good nickname. Andrew cleans everything; he wants to speak to some of these kids mom’s, as they are slobs. That was YOUR “wacky kids living together” segment.

VETO COMPETITION TIME, and we pick players. Andrew and Kathy are here already. Brendan gets picked, not good for the Brigade. Lane gets picked, and he is an oil rig whatever in his real life. Rachel is the last one, and Andrew curses the God he prays for so heavily. Enzo is your host, and YAAAAAY we all needed to see him more. Back to the HOH suite, Lane and Matt (with a PIRATE FLAG hanging over his bed) talk about how their group just can’t catch a break. They have so many numbers, yet they have to fight off the showmance. The producers are doing some editing magic, cutting between Matt and Lane fuming while Rachel and Brendon make out and embrace in the warmth of CBS reality show love.

Back at the kitchen, Andrew tries to scheme with Matt, and a lot of this show is people letting time get the best of them. Scenes of the Brigade meeting; they figure that it will be a science exam, which would be just their “luck”. They then make fun of Andrew praying, as these hayseeds can’t struggle to comprehend how in other religions, they sometimes will wear garb, accessories, religious related clothing to pray.

Hey! did you know on one of these Big Brother After Dark shows, the kids got drunk and Kristen (stealth tits) ate a spider? FOR TRUTH!

And we’re back, and Lane wants a beer, wants to open a beer store, and the guys ask him how lawless Texas is. “Growin up in Texas, guns are second nature.” says Lane. He regales the houseguests of his hayseed ways; you drive around in a truck, drink some beer, shoot some animals at night. He hopes for a truck someday that is retro-fitted with guns. He loves guns.

Cut (poor poor cut, bad editing) to the veto comp, as Enzo looks like Shazzam and MC Hammer, and he is our host! The comp is one of those memory ones; you look at Aladdin type things, candles, palm reading hands, etc. You have to count, which sucks for Kathy because the only numbers she knows are on license plates. Andrew does not want to stick his hand in the eyeballs. Matt is good at math, but cannot eyeball count stuff. Lane is screwed, as I bet he can’t even count. The object of the game is to get three points. Enzo asks a question in which the answer will involve a number. After everyone answers you either stay or fold after seeing everyone’s answers. It’s like poker, but dumb. First to three points wins. Rachel looks like an awesome pirate wench in her genie outfit.

Let’s not do heavy play by play on this, as these games are always convoluted. 1st up; how many fortune cookies were there? Matt and Lane stay, everyone folds. Matt wins by getting closest, up one point. Lane is out. Next up: how many candles? Rachel, Matt and Andrew stay. Andrew wins, Matt is out, the Brigade is done, and Andrew has the lead. How many feet are on the big black hypnotist wheel? Kathy tells some dumb story about how it looks like snake. Brendon, Kathy stay. Brendon (equal time for the ladies) wins, Kathy and her dumb snake story are done. Matt’s pissed. tied up between Brendon/Andrew. How many cards are in the house of tarot cards? Everyone calls them “tarrat cards”. Andrew is the only one who stays, and he is in the lead. Hayden says “duhhhhh”. or something. How much magic potion is in the big bowl, in ounces? Brendon stays, he ties it up, with Rachel shutout. How many eyeballs are in the big huge glass? Rachel, Andrew, Brendon stays and only one can win now. Of course we go to an advert. Back on, your winner is… Brendon gets the Power of Veto, which keeps the lovers together, Brendon says that the house is now run by “brenchael”. However that should be pronounced.

Post game, Rachel straddles Brendon in the short skirt while the internet feverishly tries to get those screenshots. The lovers make out and decide that Andrew is needed in this house. Meanwhile the Brigade has DISSENSION in the ranks, as Enzo questions Matt being the brains of the group. But seriously, look at the group – Matt is the brains by default. In the HOH suite, Matt and Andrew have a chat about votes while Andrew questions why Matt didn’t put the Rachel/Brendon alliance up. Matt wants Kathy to go, offers up help while Andrew feels screwed.

Back from the ads, Brendon and Andrew have a super quiet, in the dark talk about the Brigade and their secret alliance. Andrew wants to go BOLD, and Brendon is the only guy he trusts. Serene shots of the outside lead us to Brendon’s staged “put on the veto necklace and look at the picture of the houseguests.” Rachel is doing the “duckface/kissy face” look in her picture that all the ladies love to do. The VETO MEETING STARTS. With the dramatic music in the background, we hear Kathy kiss ass and not request him to use the veto on her, as there is a risk of Rachel going up in her place. Andrew’s speech thanks Brendon and goes long winded, almost recapping the whole show. He makes a DECLARATION that he is coming after Brendon and Rachel, then asks for Brendon to give him the Power of Veto! Brendon then obviously decides to not use the veto, because when someone says “I’m coming after you” you do not. It is all a part of Andrew’s plan; he shows everyone he is going after the lovers, so they can be secret. “ANDREW IS A HATER!!” says Rachel, so I think Brendon needs to tell her of the plan. Everyone knows Andrew’s game, and we’re out.