HA!  Throbbin' Hood!  I love porn parody names.

Bryan Adams is completely cool in my book.  My grammar school dances needed him to be there (figuratively), crooning with his gravelly voice and bad skin.  He was everyone in fifth grade’s hero.  And his 80s might spilled over juuuust a little bit into 1992 when he got the plum assignment of providing a song for Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.   If you have never heard of the movie then you are pretty lucky.  It is one of Kevin Costner’s suckier outings and this is coming from me who likes Waterworld.

But it was the age of Kevin Costner.  He could do whatever he wanted and boy did he.  I mean seriously, a Robin Hood movie?  Robin Hood: Men in Tights wasn’t even any good.  In fact, the best thing about the whole stupid movie (the Kevin Costner one I mean) is this song.  It is one of the biggest selling singles of all time.  Fifteen million copies!  FIFTEEN MILLION!

I wonder how much money Bryan made off that.  I hope enough to retire back to Canada and live out his days.  I don’t want to see him at some county fair, you know?  I think I need to check his website, one sec. *should do research before starting the column*

Damn.  Bryan is selling out all over Canada and then heading to Europe!  Check this out:

  • Mar 25: Riga, Latvia
  • Mar 26: Minsk, Belarus

I guess we don’t need to worry about him.  You don’t go to Riga, Latvia on a whim.  You need to know ahead of time that people even know who the Hell you are before you board the…train or gypsy wagon or whatever you take to get there.  So here’s to you, Bryan Adams.  You might not have had a hit since 1992, but that hit was big enough to carry you to Latvia.  I’m not going to Latvia any time soon.  You’ve won this round, my Canadian friend.