Blah blah Charlie Sheen.  Honestly, I’m too lazy to write about him.  He’s a shithead and I am not wired enough into Hollywood to have any good insights or connections.  I do things like follow Mika Brzezinski on Twitter and holy shit it is boring.  She doesn’t do anything but roll her eyes and pronounce words wrong while other, more interesting people are busy wielding machetes.  But I’m not going to cry about it.  Oh no.  Instead, I’m going to go through some of the gossip sites and give you a taste of their jokes and then you can decide which one you want to click.  But if you click them – you better fucking come back!  Jerks!

  • The Blemish – “waving a machete around. Presumably this will be what he uses to cut the throats of children with.”
  • WWTDD – “He also drank a bottle of something labeled Tiger Blood. That label looks fake though, so it’s probably just baby blood or something.”
  • The Superficial – “And by peoples I mean his paycheck from the last eight episodes Warner Bros. canned because you can’t pay hookers in catchphrases. I’ve tried.”
  • Perez Hilton – “Now, it looks like Charlie’s machete move may be a little bit less disturbing but still pretty disturbing.”

OK, so all this exercise did was piss me off.  Honestly, I actually LOOKED for funny jokes about Charlie Sheen waving a machete around on the roof of  a building and I found four sites.  And really not that many funny jokes.  I had to include Perez, and that guy wouldn’t know funny if a clown came in his face.  Or something.  Anyway, I now realize that the celeb sites all suck and that if this gimmick is going to work I will need more things to pick from.  So where do you go to see Britney’s Spears’ butt crack and find out what Russel Brand…did?