Charlotte McKinney is Single – I Repeat – Charlotte McKinney is Single

Acadia Einstein


According to Page Six, future Oscar AND Nobel prize winner Charlotte McKinney finally dumped Hollywood doofus Stephen Dorff.  I didn’t finish reading the article because I had to get started right away packing the van I just stole with Funyuns so I can drive to Canada just in case Charlotte needs me in this tender time.

I know she is in Canada because we are friends on Snapchat.  Or I follow her on Snapchat.  We both have Snapchat.  And she is there, working on something, or maybe fishing, and I bet she is realizing that having Stephen Dorff as her boyfriend was not helping her in any way.  All it did was make it seem like she was C team after killing herself for a year to get to the B team.  So now she has the Baywatch movie coming up and if she plays her cards right she can do some work for the site and I will give her a ride back from Canada in the van.

And I would share my Funyuns.  That’s how much I care about her.  Funyun level.

I have run the site since 2005. And I have to say I am pretty damn proud of it. I wrote the book Whalewolf (sold on and am not even close to tired so I am just going to keep going. I was born in Portland, Maine and I currently live in New York and Charlotte, North Carolina. I keep hoping that at some point all these weird rebels are gonna say: "SURPRISE!" and act normal. Eight years and counting....

One Comment

  1. Sangfroid
    July 11, 2016 at 8:05 am

    There are very few beaches in Canada that are that sandy and warm looking. Charlotte McKinney in the itty bitty black bikini with the red star trek stripe ranked #7 in the all Charlotte McKinney bikini bodies list.

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