According to Page Six, future Oscar AND Nobel prize winner Charlotte McKinney finally dumped Hollywood doofus Stephen Dorff. I didn’t finish reading the article because I had to get started right away packing the van I just stole with Funyuns so I can drive to Canada just in case Charlotte needs me in this tender time.
I know she is in Canada because we are friends on Snapchat. Or I follow her on Snapchat. We both have Snapchat. And she is there, working on something, or maybe fishing, and I bet she is realizing that having Stephen Dorff as her boyfriend was not helping her in any way. All it did was make it seem like she was C team after killing herself for a year to get to the B team. So now she has the Baywatch movie coming up and if she plays her cards right she can do some work for the site and I will give her a ride back from Canada in the van.
And I would share my Funyuns. That’s how much I care about her. Funyun level.