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Courtney Stodden’s Pumpkins

Just in case you don’t know who she is, Courtney Stodden is some kid (she is 17 in these pics taken last week I guess) whose parents let her marry some nobody actor.  The dude was in “Lost” and the “X-Files”.  And now he’s in this kid.  Look at him licking his lips in the banner pic.  I really don’t get how someone can be this scummy.  And how the hell could her parents allow it?  Oh, what?  You say she is from Florida?  Got it.  Makes much more sense now.

I’m pretty sure I could learn the whole true story on some reputable news site, but I would rather spin things out in my own way.  I assume that Courtney’s dad was playing poker with the actor guy and lost her in the game.  And rather than get caught with a 16 YO girl and go to jail, he married her right quick in what is apparently the smart and legal play in Florida.  She thinks that having a bunch of doofuses like me posting her pics on the Internet makes her famous and I think (not sure) they are getting a reality show so she is fine with the whole thing.

So we have 51 year old hobo molesting a kid who has a 17 year old ass, 1 year old boobs and a 45 year old face.  And this all takes place in one of America’s most holy places: a pumpkin patch.  I guess we should just be happy they weren’t related to start with.  Pumpkin isn’t just something that grows in Florida, you know.  Add a space in the word and you have one of the Sunshine State’s favorite past times.  More morbidly curious pics after the jump.

Look how much he can lift!

Everything about this is wrong. Even the pumpkins on the ground are probably poison.

Whenever I make my 17 year old wife stick her round ass into the camera I take off my sunglasses, too. It's a bold statement. It says: I'm a monster, and I'm not ashamed.

Why is the douche wearing a hat? He's probably bald. Yeah? Who goes for bald?

If you have a 17 year old daughter. Or a daughter of any age. Or you just know some young girl, lock her in a room somewhere so this can't happen to her.

Damn

Double Damn

OK folks. The girl is 17. He is 51. Her parents are allowing this. Can we not do a citizen's arrest? Or shoot him? Can we shoot him?

About The Author

Acadia Einstein

I'm the funny one. And the handsome one. And I pay for everything.

7 Comments

  1. Kristin

    Well, I don’t wanna sound all outraged and crap because I’m mad that my body hasn’t looked like that since…since…since…ummm…well, it never looked THAT good but, ya know. When I was 17 I guess I had the body of a 17-year-old. She has the body of Pam Anderson.

    That being said, this is disgusting. It’s just…gross. Is her husband the douchebag from Green Mile? The one who peed himself? If so, I’m gonna go puke. If not, he’s still a douchebag.

    Reply
    • Kristin

      For the love of God…it is the douchebag from Green Mile. I just puked on my keyboard. Are you friggin’ kidding me??? That girl is breathtaking (from here, anyway)…and that’s the best she can do?? Thanks for posting this. I’m telling my daughters to make sure they go to college. Good looks don’t get you where they used to, apparently.

      Reply
  2. Jen - Life With Levi

    If you’re gonna do a photo shoot like this, you’d think they would have at least been able to hire a photographer with one of those fancy lenses that zooms in on the focal point and blurs out the rest. You know, like hey, nice ass, glad you blurred out her face.

    Reply
    • Amber

      LMAO Jen! I totally agree! I was thinking that….her body is rockin’, but what happened to her face?!?! I guess they could use these photos in schools to show what crack will do to you. Stay off drugs or your face will end up looking like THIS.

      Reply
  3. sangfroid

    It’s the hip hop clothes on the hippie era guy that makes it really creepy.

    Reply
  4. Cornmeal

    The girl is frickin’ clueless. She tries to mix in bible quotes in between her slut quotes on the social networks.

    Reply
  5. JamericanSpice

    At 17 there is so much to do with life. I guess you can see the path she is on. Have she signed with Playboy or etc as yet?

    It’s terrible that her parents would allow this. A 17 year old boy I can understand, but this old pedo-thinking ick. It’s disgusting! It’s just disgusting!

    Of course she is beautiful. Weird because not all 17yo looks like that. But yea this is the best she can do?

    makes you wonder about her childhood.

    Reply

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