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Deadliest Catch gets Deadlier – RIP Phil Harris

Fuck

I was just reading the Internet and found out that Phil Harris, the captain of the Cornelia Marie from the Discovery Channel show Deadliest Catch died at the age of 53.  Apparently he had a stroke a couple weeks ago while unloading crab and finally succumbed to it yesterday. (As an aside, Vange thinks she is a good editor?  Well, suck on the name of a TV show, a TV Network and a fucking SHIP all on the same sentence.  Warm up your italics and what not, Strunk.)

Anyway, Phil was one of my favorite douche bag captains on the show.  And they are all douche bags.  But he was particularly douchey.  Last year or to years ago or whatever he had a blod clot that passed through his heart while he was captaining.  So obviously his circulatory system was somewhat compromised.  Discovery Channel said this:

“Discovery mourns the loss of dear friend and colleague Captain Phil Harris. He was more than someone on our television screen. Phil was a devoted father and loyal friend to all who knew him. We will miss his straightforward honesty, wicked sense of humor and enormous heart.  We share our tremendous sadness over this loss with the millions of viewers who followed Phil’s every move. We send our thoughts and prayers to Phil’s sons Josh and Jake and the Cornelia Marie crew.”

So then does his death count as a statistic about crab fishing?  Like, since he was technically involved in crab fishing will they use him as another example of how dangerous it is?  I mean, he smoked cigarettes constantly while he was on the show.  I think he even smoked when he was asleep.  So maybe that’s why it’s so dangerous?  Or the drowning?  Whatever.  They can’t count this as a crab death.

If they did, then you could also say that hospitals are the most dangerous places in the world cause so many people die there and the cause of death for everyone ever would be: heart stopped beating.

So RIP Captain Phil.  I hope your kids don’t become fuckoffs.  And I also hope you didn’t leave them bankrupt.  Cause thinking about it, I’m not sure what kind of life insurance policy a chain smoking crab fisherman could actually get.

About The Author

Acadia Einstein

I'm the funny one. And the handsome one. And I pay for everything.

4 Comments

  1. JLancaster

    I think it was the fact that this guy’s life (or work) was narrated by Mike Rowe — in that deep voice that I feel so attached. Damn tv, making me feel things for people…groan

    Reply
  2. Acadia

    You’re right. And I also cannot help but notice that Vange did not edit me.

    Reply
  3. vange

    I’ve told you 28485950038378 times, I hate editing articles after they go live!

    Reply
  4. Sputnikki

    i hate being this handsome, and yet i muddle through

    Reply

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