I Don’t Understand You Apple People

Acadia Einstein

project_colbert_00I really don’t understand Apple fans.  I understand Apple.  They killed the headphone jack on their new phones because, well, they could.  Why not invent something that you have to pay extra for and that is only sold by Apple?  Why not, instead of a wire, have two things you stick in your ears that will mean if you lean over the water or a train platform or a lion’s mouth and they fall out, you are just out $160 bucks?

It makes sense for Apple because Apple fans will agree that it is “courageous” instead of a transparent money grab and shell out the money.  And the next time they fly Jet Blue and want to watch the TV, they will have to shell out another five bucks and get the airline headphones.

I don’t believe that wireless is better than wired.  I have my home comps wired and buy dongles for laptops when I will be using it near ethernet.  Nobody ever has to move to a different place when they are talking on something that has a wire.  Wireless internet and voice is good for phones.  And people, for the most part, spend most of their time complaining about the call and internet quality of their phones.

These are facts.  So if someone who loves Apple (and I am sure there are of plenty of reasons to love their devices.  I have the old square iPod and I use it every day and love it) wants to explain to me why getting rid of the wires is good for anyone but Apple, please do.  But you can also think back to the Stephen Colbert Green Screen Challenge from like, 9 years ago. Remember?  He did this?


Well if he did it now, then nobody could make this because of stupid Apple.  Happy now, jerks?

I have run the site since 2005. And I have to say I am pretty damn proud of it. I wrote the book Whalewolf (sold on Smashwords.com) and am not even close to tired so I am just going to keep going. I was born in Portland, Maine and I currently live in New York and Charlotte, North Carolina. I keep hoping that at some point all these weird rebels are gonna say: "SURPRISE!" and act normal. Eight years and counting....


  1. Dan Brill
    September 8, 2016 at 9:58 pm

    It’s a bold, courageous, and forward-thinking war of making audio worse while charging you more for it. It’s called leadership. Look it up.

  2. Jim Ryan
    September 8, 2016 at 11:10 pm

    I am not an Apple fan per se. But I can tell you as someone who listens to an MP3 player while moving large boxes around at work on a daily basis, the cord can be a pain in the ass. Especially when one of the lines breaks and you have to be satisfied with mono. (As in a single headphone, not the disease. Probably. I mean I don’t THINK broken headphones can cause mononucleosis, but I guess you never know…) Unfortunately thus far the cordless options I’ve found are similarly expensive (and yes, they already exist – Apple didn’t invent the thing), so, Apple or not, my dreams of wandering around looking like Lando’s aide while listening to podcasts will have to wait until the price is right.

    • Acadia Einstein
      September 9, 2016 at 11:08 pm

      i throw them away when they go mono because THEY DONT COST A HUNGE!

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