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Finch’s Featured Flicks “This Means War”

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it is reasonable to assume that it is, in fact, a duck.  However, sometimes we give others the benefit of the doubt and willingly put aside the obvious.  So if that duck were wearing a sign that said “I’m a goose,” we just might, on a good day, take its word for it.  Or maybe I am just ridiculously gullible.

Shoot…Where was I going with this again?  Ah, right, chick flicks (duck flicks now?).  Chick flicks come in many disguises and are always desperately trying (and failing) to break that mold that defines it as such.  There are good chick flicks.  There are bad chick flicks.  And then there are horrible chick flicks.  Last weekend, I saw a horrible chick flick.

Now, I don’t want to condemn the movie for everyone because, in truth, nearly every single one of my friends (girlfriends) loved it.  Perhaps it was who I went with, or the mood I was in when I saw the movie.  Either way, I think This Means War is the worst thing I have seen in theater, in years.  Some of you are probably thinking, “Of course it was bad, Finch!  Did you even see the cheesy previews?”  But I saw explosions and cool action scenes in the commercials, so I thought that it would be a good date night movie; a little bit of this and that for both genders.  I was wrong.

This Means War was about two best friend CIA agents (Chris Pine and Tom Hardy) who fall for the same woman (Reese Witherspoon) and then duel it out with each other.  Meanwhile though, there is a questionably scary Russian mob boss, who hunts the two agents down for the purpose of taking revenge and killing them.  Sounds action-packed, but 80% of the movie is Chris Pine and Tom Hardy courting Reese Witherspoon and stepping on each other’s feet in an (again, questionably) humorous manner.  Some parts did succeed in making me laugh, but overall the movie was a dud for me in the funny department.

This Means War was a poorly disguised duck, which would not have been too much of a problem if it were not a really ugly and cheesy duck on top of it.  Unless you can find enough amusement looking at two semi-attractive, semi-homosexual men for an hour and a half to pay for the ridiculous amount of money you spent to sit in that theater, avoid This Means War at all cost.  6 out of 10



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  1. Eva Halloween

    Ugh, no thanks. I miss the old, kind of crazy Reese Witherspoon that did movies like Freeway. Serial killers! Women’s prison! Kiefer Sutherland! Good times.

  2. Acadia

    1: I love your reviews, Finch.

    2: Reese Witherspoon has never entertained me that I know of. 🙁

  3. Acadia

    I take that back. She did entertain me when I hunted her for sport on my island.

    • Eva Halloween

      You must be a terrible shot, Acadia. Next time put her out of her misery before she has to make crap like “This Means War”

      • Acadia

        I was lulling her into a false sense of security when I fell asleep. 🙁

  4. Danielle

    So file this under “maybe watch when it’s on netflix and you’re really bored one night”?

    • Acadia

      That should definitely be our actual method of rating things. I need to talk to Finch.


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