Jimmy: Do you like fishsticks?
Jimmy: Do you like putting fishsticks in your mouth?
Jimmy: What are you, a gay fish?
You know Kanye West actually got into a snit about the Gay Fish episode of South Park. There are some self declared geniuses that need to get a life. Not me, I got stoned on back pain meds and wrote a six thousand word essay on fish sticks. The concept Wall-o-Text didn’t even begin to cover it. It would have given a New Yorker fact checker a nervous breakdown. Were shoppers in Southampton and South Wales stoned when they picked the bland control product over Herring Savouries? Is Mrs. Paul really having an affair with the Gorton’s Fisherman? What kind of new age thought process thinks it’s a good idea to write a book about business with fish sticks in the title?
There was a whole section on the depredation of the environment by industrial food too. Have a yummy fish stick because the more factory ships there are out on the Grand Banks the more likely that fish sticks are going to be the deluxe menu item you get to impress a date. It’s already happened to Haddock. I can get a lobster cheaper than a haddock dinner locally now. You might not have known it but lobsters were once cheap “tinned” goods until the canneries put them all into cans and there weren’t any more lobsters and only the Vanderbilt’s and J.P. Morgan could afford them. You thought I was joking about that didn’t you. Just wait till Alain Ducasse at the Essex House charges you $320.00 for bâtonnets de poisson
Cutting out the remaining 6,700 words which included a diversion into the fish economy of Rome. (Did you know that Worcestershire sauce is actually a Roman fermented fish sauce recipe that comes to us via a mysterious English noblewoman who traveled in Bengal?) Leaves us with a fundamental question: Who is crazy enough to make homemade fish sticks? Your kids are gonna know that whole grain cereal is not the same as fluffy deep fried batter. It seems to me that it would only lead to a trauma like when I discovered years later what the blancmange Jo brings to Laurie when he was ill in Little Women was. Not only does the little witch get her sister Meg to cook this glop but it turns out that it’s essentially vanilla pudding!
Undoubtedly you think I lost track of fish sticks with that rant about Louisa May Alcott ruining my life. However it was all an elaborate ruse to tell you that the blancmange that Chaucer liked often included finely minced diced haddock making it the mediaeval version of fish sticks. All of this is why dear friends I try never to publish anything I’ve written while stoned.