I’ve always had a soft spot for Alanis Morissette and this is one of my top three favorite songs of hers. If you really read the lyrics they seem a little bit pretentious but then again so is the arrangement of the song. Of course it doesn’t seem pretentious at all if you think it is about a beautiful professor lady who lives in a lighthouse. She needs to live there because of her research and things and she is so beautiful and smart but she doesn’t have time to have a boyfriend because she is working so hard on her theorems.
Meanwhile, this super hunky dude who makes a good living maintaining lighthouses not owned by municipalities, state governments or the feds happens upon the professor’s home and offers to spruce the place up. She agrees but as the song clearly points out, she gets more than she bargained for. Imagine this as a small piece of their drama.
“Oh, Arcadia, for a humble and brilliant lighthouse handyman you have really given me quite a lot to think about. But as I explained that time you saw me getting out of the shower, I am working on my theorems and I don’t have time for human sexing”, said Janet.
“Oh my dear Janet,” Arcadia said as he arched his sweaty back. “I would never dream of taking you away from your important work. I just think sometimes it might be nice for you to think about something other than your immediate field of study”. He leaned forward and whispered “Maybe the facts you need are already in your brain and you just need to ‘knock them loose’ as it were.” He smiled and brushed against her ample bosoms as he turned back to his work. She bit her bottom lip and thought of how Arcadia might go about knocking something loose. She flushed as he shimmied up the side of the lighthouse, his muscle-bound legs gripping the sides of the stone structure. She considered letting him use the stairs soon. Or at least the ladder. But for now she just watched his manly butt flexing as he climbed and reveled in the residual tingling of where he touched her boob.
So yeah. I am not sure who Arcadia is but he seems pretty hunky. Then imagine her thinking about the whole deal and singing the song.
Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you’re not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slightMust be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd need shepherd
But you you’re not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slightLike any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slightI don’t think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate
So yeah. Good song. And I apparently write Alanis Morissette lighthouse fan fiction. Or hot lady professor who lives in a lighthouse fan fiction. Or really bad porn? What even was that? Damn these pills.
I had forgotten all about this song. I always liked it better than any of her other stuff.
Please universe, let Alanis see this post. It is amazing.
I want to read the rest of your really bad porn, er, fan fiction.