This pic has nothing to do with the song, but the dude who sings it is ugly so I am putting up this awesome Art Deco image from RodolForever

This pic has nothing to do with the song, but the dude who sings it is ugly so I am putting up this awesome Art Deco image from RodolForever

I am sick of songs like this.  This dude is slobbering all over himself professing how much he’s in love with this chick.  Or dude.  I don’t know.  But whoever it is the guy is making a whole big deal out of how much in love with the person he is and he sounds like a fool.

I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

I’m no relationship coach but I am going to go out on a limb and say if you kiss someone’s butt that much you will eventually end up eating what comes out of it.  I’m not pretending you shouldn’t make your significant other feel wanted and loved, but you really should not tell them you will be the greatest fan of their life.  And DEFINITELY don’t tell them you will be “love’s suicide”.  Mostly because it doesn’t mean anything.  Why be confusing?  Here are some better things to say when you want to let your significant other know how much you care:

  • The odds of me trading you in for two 18 year olds when you turn 36 are pretty low.
  • I love when you finish my sentences because it means I don’t have to talk to you as much.
  • I don’t tell you when I use your deodorant because I don’t want you to be grossed out.
  • I’m still here, aren’t I?

I should be an advice columnist.  I’m good at this.  Video and lyrics after the jump.

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I’ll be captivated,
I’ll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

[Chorus:]
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You’re my survival, you’re my living proof.
My love is alive and not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I’ll be captivated,
I’ll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus]

And I’ve dropped out, I’ve burned up, I’ve fought my way back from the dead.
I’ve tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said

[Chorus:]
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your…
I’ll be your crying shoulder,
I’ll be love’s suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older,
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

The greatest fan of your life.
…greatest fan of your life.