boners

I looked in my extensive music vault for all songs specifically about popping a rod while dancing with a girl and the only one I came up with (heh, “up”) was “Too Close” by Next.  Watch the video.  Well, skip the weird car part in the first 30 seconds or whatever but then watch and listen really closely to the lyrics.  Or not very closely.  Either way, it is allllllll about rod poppin’.  You can’t miss it.

The song itself is about dancing causing the “problem” but if the band had been smart (as far as I can tell, they weren’t and this was their only hit) they could have had a whole series of songs about getting “excited” in inappropriate times and places (and what to do about it).  Imagine this string of hits:

  • “Stayin’ in the Pool”
  • “Road Boners”
  • “Sitting Next to Daisy (with a pillow on my lap)”
  • “Your Waistband is your Friend”
  • “Hugging with your Hips Wayyyy Back”

What a great collection.  But none of it would have been possible without  “Too Close”.  So thanks, Next!  Video AND LYRICS after the jump.  I am doing the lyrics thing again because it came in handy last week.  I also love going to lyrics sites because it makes me feel dangerous.  Getting a million popups and having your browser crash is like going bareback in a crack house with someone you can’t see under a blanket.  Not that I would know.

[1] – Baby when we’re grinding
I get so excited
Ooh, how I like it
I try but I can’t fight it
Oh, you’re dancing real close
Cuz it’s real, real slow
(You know what you’re doing, don’t you)
You’re making it hard for me

All the songs on you requested
You’re dancing like you’re naked
Oh, it’s almost like we’re sexing (oh yeah)
Yeah boo, I like it
No, I can’t deny it
But I know you can tell
I’m excited, oh girl

[2] – Step back you’re dancing kinda close
I feel a little poke coming through
On you

Now girl I know you felt it
But boo, you know I can’t help it
You know what I wanna do

[Repeat 1]

Baby us dancing so close
Ain’t a good idea
Cuz I’mma want you now and here
The way that you shake it on me
Makes me want you so bad sexually
Oh girl

[Repeat 2]

Now girl I know you felt it
But boo, you know I can’t help it
You know what I wanna do

[Repeat 1]

[Repeat 1]

I love when you shake it like that, ah, ah, ah
I see that you like it like that, oh, oh, oh
I love when you shake it like that, ah, ah, ah
I see that you like it like that, oh, oh, oh

[Repeat 1 while:]

I like the way you move
You’re making me want you
Oh the way you move
I like those things you do
But you’re a little too close

[Repeat 1 until fade]