“If you wannabe my lover you gotta get with my friends.”

What?  What does that mean?  You have to hook up with all her friends?  That doesn’t seem like a good start.  Why does the red haired one sound like the black one?  Seriously, listen.  They sound exactly alike.  And how did they manage to make starts out of five average-looking chicks who had average voices?  It’s pure genius!

I am actually too handsome and sing too well to be a proper analog for The Spice Girls.  Also I am a guy and “The Spice Guy” is a stupid name.  I think I would need to find some other people.  Or I guess five other people.  Nondescript people.  Find the five plainest girls you know and then dress them up in platform shoes.  Then give them a song to sing and tart them up good.  You will be a sure fire hit.

Oh, and also give them weird names.  Not “Scary” and “Sporty”.   I mean like: Cumin and Tamarind.  We could give Paprika a drum solo!

Video after the jump!