Now I am sure some of you are going to wonder why the lady from Ugly Betty is singing.  But if you are not familiar with the weird saga of Vanessa Williams then boy are you in for a treat.  Here it is!  It’s not long and I heard about it at a party once so if I have it wrong why don’t you correct me in the comments Bob Woodward!

  • Sometime before 1984 – She takes some “arty” naked pictures with some lesbianing in them.
  • 1984 – Becomes first Black Miss America.  And I don’t mean they had a separate pageant called “Black Miss America”.  I mean the regular one which was apparently a HUGE DEAL back then.  Probably because of Russia.
  • 1984 – Someone finds the naked pictures and sells them to Penthouse Magazine
  • 1984 – Becomes the first Miss America to quit being Miss America in the middle of her reign.  So I guess Pope Benedict copied her.
  • 1984 – The same Penthouse Magazine that she was in has a centerfold named Traci Lords.  Miss Lords went on to do adult movies.  The problem with all that was that Miss Lords had a sweet fake ID and she was FIFTEEN YEARS OLD in the Naked Miss America magazine.  That made having that magazine a federal crime.
  • 1994 – After a really loooong gap she has this song.  It is pretty.
  • 2004 – After another looooong gap she is on a bunch of TV Shows.

Oh and as a weird side note, Traci Lords became a “real” actress.  So I guess the moral of this story is that the 80’s were terrible and it was really easy to get a fake ID back then because of the Russians and crime pays and that Vanessa Williams is famous every 10 years or so.  She is like a comet!  So here you go.  Listen away and get ready for 2014.  She will probably be the new pope.