Guys, we’re breaking down over here. I just finished up all the work I’ve been doing on my condo literally for years and I feel shell-shocked. I’m trying to come back to life as a normal person but I’m still kind of out of it. I feel like any second some bad thing I forgot about is going to pop out from behind a corner. I was supposed to put a post up on Tuesday but I failed at that – not only on Tuesday but on Wednesday too.

Now today’s author of choice, Sangfroid, is unable to write his post because he had “a little bit of a heart attack”. I guess he punched his heart back though, wasn’t attacked enough by it to be dead, so we’ll be hearing from him again.

Our fearless leader, Acadia, is working on curing cancer or something like that. In case you haven’t noticed, people are still getting cancer, so so far I give him an F on his execution and a C- for effort. On top of that, his back is so messed up that about 80% of the time he’s high out of his mind on medication.

So, paranoia, heart attacks, broken backs, failure to cure cancer. All this is to say, all I could really think of to tell you about today is the sorry state of us.

Now to reward you for reading that, I’ll just link you to some of my favorite things I’ve seen on the internet lately. Ready?

21 Times Olivia Wilde Said Exactly What You Were Thinking

There is a bar in London where you can pet owls.

This video of a cat that loves to be slid (slided? slidden? slad???) across the floor

This video about how much of an a**hole every cat in the world is

(You don’t get to complain that there are two cat videos. Cat videos are the reason the Internet exists.)