Gambling is not a sin.  I checked a bunch of books and I can’t find it anywhere.  So I don’t know why you can’t just do it wherever you want.  There is a place that opened near my office and it frankly scares the crap out of me.  The sign just says “GAMBLING!” and under that it says “FREE INTERNET”!  I don’t know what those things have to do with each other but the windows of the place are all blacked out so I’m not going to go in and find out.  I keep thinking that it’s going to be like, three ladies reading epicurious while some sweaty weirdos play Russian Roulette.

So since I can’t go there and the Indian casino is like, 500 miles away and I don’t want to go to Vegas I may have to gamble on the Internet.  Casino games <— (this is where I went) online seem scary to me and I just automatically assume that if I put my credit card in there that two goons will show up at my house and immediately take all my s*** and I will have to live with a barrel for clothes.

Then again I do have a gallery credit card (hint, the number has a 5 in it) so what if I did try it?  I mean, honestly, I could probably just cancel the card if something weird happened. So after the jump I will break down the games and figure out how to get rich!

OK, so based on that site, these are the games and which ones I will play.

  • Online Slots – I cannot imagine something that would seem more rigged.  Also if the coins didn’t come out of the CD drive it would suck.
  • Online Blackjack – this is in bold because this is the one I will probably play.  There is a chart.  I can read charts.
  • Online Roulette – I think regular roulette is rigged so no way on this one.
  • Online Video Poker – One time I was waiting for my friend in Vegas and there was a video poker machine in the casino outside the elevator (big surprise) and I spent like, $200.00 before I figured out how to play.  I should have known.  Stupid Nintendo-looking thing.
  • Online Pai Gow – Sounds weird.  Probably because I’m racist?  I dunno.
  • Online Craps – Craps is the most fun game in the casino.  Everyone gathering around the table yelling.  Hot girl blowing on dice.  Meh.
  • Online Keno – Keno is stupid.
  • Online Baccarat – I’m not James Bond.  I’m the guy he’s afraid of.
  • Caribbean Stud – Nah, I’m from Maine.

So blackjack it is.  I’ll report later when I’m ruined.