Gambling is not a sin. I checked a bunch of books and I can’t find it anywhere. So I don’t know why you can’t just do it wherever you want. There is a place that opened near my office and it frankly scares the crap out of me. The sign just says “GAMBLING!” and under that it says “FREE INTERNET”! I don’t know what those things have to do with each other but the windows of the place are all blacked out so I’m not going to go in and find out. I keep thinking that it’s going to be like, three ladies reading epicurious while some sweaty weirdos play Russian Roulette.
So since I can’t go there and the Indian casino is like, 500 miles away and I don’t want to go to Vegas I may have to gamble on the Internet. Casino games <— (this is where I went) online seem scary to me and I just automatically assume that if I put my credit card in there that two goons will show up at my house and immediately take all my s*** and I will have to live with a barrel for clothes.
Then again I do have a gallery credit card (hint, the number has a 5 in it) so what if I did try it? I mean, honestly, I could probably just cancel the card if something weird happened. So after the jump I will break down the games and figure out how to get rich!
OK, so based on that site, these are the games and which ones I will play.
- Online Slots – I cannot imagine something that would seem more rigged. Also if the coins didn’t come out of the CD drive it would suck.
- Online Blackjack – this is in bold because this is the one I will probably play. There is a chart. I can read charts.
- Online Roulette – I think regular roulette is rigged so no way on this one.
- Online Video Poker – One time I was waiting for my friend in Vegas and there was a video poker machine in the casino outside the elevator (big surprise) and I spent like, $200.00 before I figured out how to play. I should have known. Stupid Nintendo-looking thing.
- Online Pai Gow – Sounds weird. Probably because I’m racist? I dunno.
- Online Craps – Craps is the most fun game in the casino. Everyone gathering around the table yelling. Hot girl blowing on dice. Meh.
- Online Keno – Keno is stupid.
- Online Baccarat – I’m not James Bond. I’m the guy he’s afraid of.
- Caribbean Stud – Nah, I’m from Maine.
So blackjack it is. I’ll report later when I’m ruined.