This week, on Glee…

  • Will says the Glee club needs money, but the issue is resolved when Sugar donates to the Glee club.
  • Artie and Rory both want Sugar to be their Valentine.
  • Rachel’s dads finally make an appearance, and are played by Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stokes Mitchell. They agree to have a Hudson/Berry family get together in light of Rachel and Finn’s engagement.
  • There is a new club, The God Squad, except it apparently always existed. Sam, Quinn, Mercedes and GLEE Project’s Samuel Larsen’s character, Joe Hart (named in honor of his premiere episode,) are members. Joe is a dreadhead Jesus freak who has the hots for Quinn. Similar to Samuel himself, he seemed unsure about his stance on whether or not gay is okay (I will elaborate later.)

  • The God Squad decides to do musical valentines for money.
  • Kurt is getting gorilla-themed valentines from a secret admirer.
  • Rory and Artie duel for Sugar’s affections.
  • Santana and Brittany are interrupted pre-kiss, and Figgins tells them somebody complained about their PDA, and hints it was religiously influenced. Apparently Figgins’s job is just to tell main characters about the various complaints he gets now. (See The Spanish Teacher.)
  • Santana pays The God Squad to give Brittany a musical valentine, making it clear she is a lesbian.
  • Rory tells the Glee club he will need to move back to Ireland soon, and sings mournfully. The episode does not make it clear whether or not this is just a ploy for Sugar’s sympathy, but if it was, it worked. She tells Rory he is now her valentine, because she feels much worse for him than for Artie.
  • At a God Squad meeting, the club discusses how they feel about giving a gay couple a musical valentine. Joe confesses he’s never met a gay person, and will have to think about it.
  • After the meeting, Mercedes tells Sam that she came clean to Shane, and can not be will him. She says Shane cried, and we do see footage of this, and it is hilarious. She performs a Whitney Houston song, which is both lucky and unlucky timing on Glee’s part.
  • The Hudsons and Berrys have dinner, and insist Rachel and Finn go upstairs and have sex. No, I’m not kidding. You see, Rachel’s dads are certain that, if they spend a night together, they will end up fighting and realize they rushed into things too quickly.
  • Rachel insists they do not have sex, and Finn witnesses her hour long bed routine. (Right after dinner?) Finn needs to poop, but Rachel will not have any of it. They fight, and Jeff Goldblum listens in, delighted.
  • Kurt gets a visit from his secret gorilla admirer, but it’s not Blaine, it’s Karofsky. Karofsky says she isn’t out at his new school, although I could swear he said he was when they talked at the gay bar? (I’m not going to research, though. I’m not emotionally invested enough.) Karofsky says he loves Kurt- what?- and can’t stop thinking about him. Kurt politely turns him down, and one of Karofsky’s classmates makes his presence known. He overheard everything, and, from the looks of things, is going to tell. Hey, that’s a douchebag move, but maybe Karofsky will get a boyfriend out of it?
  • Rachel and Finn make up, and decide to go to the party Sugar is holding at Breadstix. They go downstairs, and Rachel’s dads drill them on whether or not they learned anything from their night together. They said they realized they don’t know each other as well as they thought, and blah blah blah… the Berry dads are relieved, but wait! It turns out they decided, since they aren’t used to each other, it would be smart to get married even earlier. This scene makes me wonder if we’re supposed to be against this or not. At first, it seemed like the show was talking us into supporting their engagement, but now I think we are supposed to side with people like Kurt and Rachel’s dads.
  • At the party, the God Squad performs, and says they decided that love is love, and they do a number for Santana and Brittany, who get their first real kiss.
  • Blaine shows up with an eyepatch and performs a song.
  • That is the anti-climactic end to both the episode and this recap.

And that’s what you missed on GLEE. Mmmmmm-BOP!