Friday Nineties – Guns ‘n’ Roses – November Rain
Guns ‘n’ Roses could have been the greatest rock band of all time. They could have been the Led Zeppelin of Generation X. While Nirvana and Pearl Jam were talking about how sad everything was and wearing ratty sweaters and corduroy jackets, Axl, Slash and the band were wearing ridiculous top hats and either singing about fucking or crafting crazy ass songs that go on forever like November Rain.
The song goes on for nine minutes, and there aren’t even any words for a minute and a half! And the video is just a long rambling mess. Without the presence of Stephanie Seymour it would be totally unwatchable. Remember a couple weeks ago on Bikini Sunday when we had today’s Stephanie was being weird and giving her kid a boner? Well, take a look at her in this video. She could create boners that would stop a plane propeller.
But Stephanie aside, I’d like you all to take a gander at a group of people who stood on the edge of true greatness. They had fast songs. They had drug problems. They had rambling ideas about movies that sucked but nobody dared to tell them and they had finally replaced Stairway to Heaven as the last song at high school dances. Stairway to Heaven was the last song at dances for one reason and one reason only: it’s long. Longer song means more making out. And GNR upped the ante by offering a slow song that went on for NINE minutes. In nine minutes I could have sex like, three times (not in a row) and the song would still have 8 seconds or so left for me to burp the alphabet up to J.
So watch the video and read the lyrics after the jump. And think about the sex thing. Seriously. Ever think about having sex in the time it takes to make one of those “rice in a bag” microwave things? Yeah, I thought you did. So bring Uncle Ben on over and let’s get dirty. Wait. That didn’t come out right. Or maybe it did. YOU’LL FIND OUT WHEN YOU GET HERE!