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Friday Nineties – Guns ‘n’ Roses – November Rain

Guns ‘n’ Roses could have been the greatest rock band of all time.  They could have been the Led Zeppelin of Generation X.  While Nirvana and Pearl Jam were talking about how sad everything was and wearing ratty sweaters and corduroy jackets, Axl, Slash and the band were wearing ridiculous top hats and either singing about fucking or crafting crazy ass songs that go on forever like November Rain.

The song goes on for nine minutes, and there aren’t even any words for a minute and a half!  And the video is just a long rambling mess.  Without the presence of Stephanie Seymour it would be totally unwatchable.  Remember a couple weeks ago on Bikini Sunday when we had today’s Stephanie was being weird and giving her kid a boner?  Well, take a look at her in this video.  She could create boners that would stop a plane propeller.

But Stephanie aside, I’d like you all to take a gander at a group of people who stood on the edge of true greatness.  They had fast songs.  They had drug problems.  They had rambling ideas about movies that sucked but nobody dared to tell them and they had finally replaced Stairway to Heaven as the last song at high school dances.  Stairway to Heaven was the last song at dances for one reason and one reason only: it’s long.  Longer song means more making out.  And GNR upped the ante by offering a slow song that went on for NINE minutes.  In nine minutes I could have sex like, three times (not in a row) and the song would still have 8 seconds or so left for me to burp the alphabet up to J.

So watch the video and read the lyrics after the jump.  And think about the sex thing.  Seriously.  Ever think about having sex in the time it takes to make one of those “rice in a bag” microwave things?  Yeah, I thought you did.  So bring Uncle Ben on over and let’s get dirty.  Wait.  That didn’t come out right.  Or maybe it did.  YOU’LL FIND OUT WHEN YOU GET HERE!

Guns ‘n’ Roses – November Rain

About The Author

Acadia Einstein

I'm the funny one. And the handsome one. And I pay for everything.

8 Comments

  1. Janiss

    This song was precisely the reason that Nirvana was able to break open the world of rock (unfortunately and inadvertently paving the way for corporate grunge like Pearl Jam, but that’s for another post). GN’R in the space of less than four years became a parody of itself – something that it took their forebears over a decade to do! But those of us who were there in the beginning knew it was bound to happen. For all his attributes – his smarts, his insanity, his good looks, his utter crazy meanness – Axl was destined to be undone by an ego so large that it eclipsed not only his own pretty darn remarkable talent, but the talent of everyone else around him: his bandmates, his fellow songwriters (one of whom is responsible for the story behind November Rain), his video directors, his girlfriends and even his beleaguered and pretty-flippin’-egotistical-himself A&R guy. Axl’s ego mowed them all down and I think the only ones who came out of it without totally losing their minds or their credibility along the way were Duff McKagen and ironically and oddly… Stephanie Seymour, who wasn’t terribly bright, but who was smart enough to marry up after dumping Mr. Rose.

    I was senior editor at one of the most credible hard rock magazines of the era when GN’R was making the Use Your Illusion debacles and I saw this band implode firsthand while everyone around them was telling Axl that he was some otherworldly god and were too chicken to even whisper the truth behind his back – that he had gone over the edge and killed not only his band, but a whole genre of music. Fuckin’ Axl.

    Acadia, you posted about this just because you knew I’d have something to say, didn’t you?

    Reply
  2. Acadia

    I thought you might be chiming in. I also am glad to see you totally support my theory, which by default means you also agree with my boner joke and my super sexiness.

    Yesss. This is indeed going well.

    Reply
  3. loolpooq

    Slash 🙂

    Reply
  4. Con Artist Trickster

    After ten years of big long hair, leather pants, and guitar noodles, ratty sweaters could be a good change. And it was. After all, Axl had lost it, plus we won’t have that 15-years-of-waiting for the Chinese Democracy, which turned to be…

    Reply
  5. The Blue Coat Fan

    I’m on my way! Uncle Ben and Betty White… Patience…

    Reply
  6. Elle Diabla

    Props to the symphony in this jam, but “Don’t You Cry” + “Patience” are their best ballads, imo.
    Plus Steph Seymour sexes her son now, so this song loses it’s hotness to incest.

    Reply
  7. Patrick

    strangely enough.. I dig GNR, too bad Ahole couldnt dance on the razors edge a bit longer

    Reply
  8. Shane The Nutty Beaver

    I remember when this song came out and oddly enough i met a girl at a dance and danced to this song, days later i was making out with her and had her top down, she had d-cups, i realized that i still didn’t know her last name, so when i asked she said i will spell it out for you T-E-T-I and i was so fixated that i said titty ?

    Reply

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