Gwyneth Paltrow is Fancy. You? Not So Much.

Acadia Einstein

For a while after I saw The Avengers I liked Gwyneth Paltrow again.  I didn’t think too much about why but thinking back maybe it’s just tough to be mad at anyone when Hulk is around.  But now Hulk is gone and I am back to hating her.  Why?  Because she is trying to sell makeup by acting like she doesn’t like to wear makeup.  She is doing ads for Max Factor which is not a person but a makeup company.  And blah blah seriously I can’t even stomach talking about it too much.  Apparently she has “personas” in the commercials.  And not fun ones like on Benny Hill.  Just read this about the “writer” persona.

The writer persona is me going into town for a lunch or into London for a meeting or going to a friend’s house for dinner. Or me when I’m most myself, doing something creative, having a look that says, confidence, creativity but still very much who I am.

I can’t even say anything about it.  The pretentiousness came out of my screen and suffocated me.  And now I’m dead.  Happy, Gwyneth?  Do you feel good now?  Are you glad you needed more money to buy fancy baby food from the moon so you had to be a hack and do commercials but you still managed to be smug about it which made my heart stop?  Well congratulations.  It worked.  Now the only thing that can save me is a picture of really bored Bill Clinton…


That was close.  Gwyneth Paltrow, you are horrible.  I don’t know if I could keep from hating you now if you came riding in on Hulk’s back.

I have run the site since 2005. And I have to say I am pretty damn proud of it. I wrote the book Whalewolf (sold on and am not even close to tired so I am just going to keep going. I was born in Portland, Maine and I currently live in New York and Charlotte, North Carolina. I keep hoping that at some point all these weird rebels are gonna say: "SURPRISE!" and act normal. Eight years and counting....


  1. Whitney
    November 16, 2012 at 12:19 am

    Plus one for sticking Bill at the end. Made me smile.

    • Acadia
      November 16, 2012 at 9:47 pm

      Best Comment of the Post!

  2. Rog
    November 16, 2012 at 1:05 am

    Gwenyth, you filthy, vile slut. STOP TRYING SO HARD TO BE A 20 YEAR OLD MULTI-ETHNIC GIRL!!! You’re a white 40 year old.

    Remember that shit, bitch.

  3. catwiththumbs
    November 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

    I would like her more if I knew she cleaned her own bathroom, or dusted, or took out the garbage. Naked. At my house. Tomorrow.

    • Eva Halloween
      November 19, 2012 at 12:40 pm

      I’m just going to stick her in the “maybe if you just don’t talk” category with poor, probably insufferable Scarlet.

  4. Julie@Momspective
    November 16, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Reminds me of the homeless Brad Pitt in those Chanel commercials.

Let us know what you think. Being on-topic is NOT required.