jessica-simpson

I really don’t think I am ever going to find a better picture to represent the greatness of American than that picture of Jessica Simpson up there.  And since she is now older, heavier and lamer all you HATERS can use her as a metaphor for our beloved country.  Or you can watch me build a rocket, tie some bunting on it and shoot it to the moon where it will land, shoot sparks and then make a giant picture of Ice-T and Coco unfurl and all the rest of the world can watch them smiling and/or scowling at them ALL NIGHT LONG!

Also check out how long Jessica Simpson’s Tongue is.  She could climb a tree with that thing.

Have a fun day, suckers.  I’m going to go cut down a butt-load of trees around my swimming pool.  Seriously, who puts spiky holly bushes and stuff around a pool?  It’s like razor wire.