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Harper’s Island Round Table – Episode 2

Kill!  Die!  Watch!  Ummm.  Banana!

Kill! Die! Watch! Ummm. Banana!

So the second weekly round table devoted to Harper’s Island is complete.  It was a little tougher than last week because nobody had watched the show but me when it was time to start.  But eventually it got going and we got a new participant.  The ever-prolific Maitland.  So our idea is catching on.  If we get one exta person a week, then by the end we will have….11 more.  Well.  Let’s see how it goes.

The episode was a good one and as an added bonus, we found out that we can embed the whole episode in a post.  So now we can post the ep before the discussion.  We are geniuses.  It really is a fun show, and watching it so far has lowered my cholesterol and made my bathroom sparkle! So watch, then read.  And then maybe take a nap!

 

 

Acadia : ok, it is time for round tablin’

Vange : i have to puke/pee first

Vange : brb

Acadia : oh ffs

Acadia : you people keep forgetting that i post the whole frigging chat

Hermione071 : well start after she said that.

Acadia : nope

Hermione071 : meanie

Acadia : i am starting from when i said it’s time for some round tablin’

Hermione071 : okay.

Maitland : i aint forget nothing sucker

Acadia : i am getting another beer then

Vange : if i die, you will fel bad for being mean to me

Vange : mark my words

Hermione071 : haha

Vange : ok so that was awful

Acadia : this is all going in the post, fool

Hermione071 : :/

Acadia : we dont need another 500 words about your emissions!

Vange : the bugs bunny traps?

Vange : i meant the show fuckhead

Acadia : oh

Vange : not my POSSIBLY DEADLY INFECTION

Hermione071 : OKAY BACK TO THE SHOW

Acadia : i dont get how standing in the middle of a rope loop makes it fling you in the air

Acadia : how does it know?

Vange : it alwasy works in cartoons

Vange : same with the pits

Maitland : do they have a lighthouse on this island?

Acadia : yes

Maitland : i knew the answer to that, i saw the lighthouse on wikipedia

Vange : i wanna be  lighthouse keeper

Hermione071 : isn’t a lighthouse like, the backdrop of the opening theme?

Acadia : yes

Hermione071 : so there you go.

Vange : finally, somoene less observant then me

Maitland : well, ive certainly never seen the opening theme

Hermione071 : oh.

Acadia : i dont know why they dont just put lights ont he front of boats, seems more sensible

Vange : b/c those only illuminate so far

Maitland : because that will help the pirates

Vange : you douse runing lights at night

Hermione071 : well, I can safely say that one of tonight’s deaths was incredibly worse than the half severing of uncle marty.

Acadia : which one?

Hermione071 : the chick that was BURNED ALIVE.

Acadia : oh

Maitland : woah, harry hamlin is on this show?

Vange : not anymore

Acadia : she could have put herself out

Hermione071 : yep.

Vange : yeah i was yelling at acadia

Hermione071 : stop drop and roll!

Acadia : he was, until he died

Vange : stop drop and roll

Hermione071 : but I don’t think that would have helped.

Hermione071 : she was burning alive!

Vange : not turn piruettes

Hermione071 : she was probably focusing on the excruciating pain.

Maitland : wow, why did they kill him off already? do they have another LA Law THE MOVIE in the works?

Hermione071 : oh god, I would hate to be doused and lit on fire.

Hermione071 : haha, they killed him off in the pilot ep!

Acadia : they are redoing clash of the titans

Vange : it doesnt hurt that much when it keeps on

Vange : the nerves die

Hermione071 : oh lovely

Vange : smells awful tho

Acadia : i like the british dandy now

Vange : what

Vange : why

Acadia : because he handled being upside down with aplomb

Maitland : i think jd dunn is the killer

Hermione071 : the british guy and little face seem SO wrong for each other.

Vange : he needs to work on his abs

Hermione071 : but I am impressed with little face, she has some standards.

Vange : that was pitiful

Vange : do a crunch, pull yourself up to the rope and climb up to the tree

Acadia : mm hmm

Hermione071 : well, he did say he was out of shape.

Vange : CAPT OBVIOUS

Vange : him not you jo

Acadia : well, i like the girl now

Acadia : the scarf girl

Hermione071 : little face?

Vange : i did not care for all the babmi mutilation

Acadia : no, fuck her

Acadia : i mean Abby

Hermione071 : oh.

Vange : scarf girl is nose job girl jo

Hermione071 : her.

Hermione071 : ah, I gotcha.

Acadia : who went in her room and put the clipping there

Hermione071 : some fuckhead.

Hermione071 : anyone else completely creeped out by Kelly?

Hermione071 : the goth chick?

Maitland : no absolutely not

Maitland : wait, goth chick

Maitland : then yes

Hermione071 : the one who got hung at the end

Hermione071 : I could have done without seeing her and the grooms fug brother get it on.

Maitland : yeah, must have missed that

Acadia : yeah, but now the bodies are getting found

Maitland : so the killer sucks at hiding bodies is what you’re trying to say

Hermione071 : now they know someone is out to get them!

Acadia : so next week they are going to have to deal with why they don’t leave

Hermione071 : maybe the killer fucked with all the boats

Maitland : because the last ferry to the mainland left and it’s thunder and lightning out?

Maitland : aint that normally how they roll in those horror what nots

Acadia : there were like, 50  boats

Acadia : yeah, but they will have to do more than that

Hermione071 : oh, well ok then.

Acadia : there are enough people on the island to support a church

Maitland : maybe they, i dont know, SUNK the yachts

Vange : bug eyed tat girl was nasty

Acadia : with a dead priest

Hermione071 : she really was!

Vange : i get mad when TV Shows have less than gorgeous ppl on them

Hermione071 : I hate when people invite themselves to stay with you.

Vange : how long has it been since fat nose was there?

Maitland : like 3 weeks

Hermione071 : 7 years

Vange : yeah i havent seen you in SEVEN years but can i move in with oyu?

Vange : a tad rude

Hermione071 : in your studio apt no less!

Acadia : dont you call her fat nose

Hermione071 : if she really wanted to leave the island so much, she could have easily done so.

Vange : girl in need of rhinoplasty is too long tho

Acadia : jerk

Hermione071 : I just don’t get how fat nose got together with cute fisherman

Vange : we can compromise on scarf girl

Hermione071 : he’s too cute for her!

Vange : cute fisherman is best looking person on show

Acadia : just call her scarf girl or you are banished

Hermione071 : well now.

Hermione071 : Henry is sexy.

Vange : i offered a comromise

Vange : whos henry

Hermione071 : love me some Chris Gorham!

Hermione071 : the groom.

Acadia : the groom, doofus

Vange : meh

Vange : he’s ok

Vange : has ernest preppie dork vibe

Hermione071 : groom’s brother is so ridiculously fug though.

Vange : omg eww

Hermione071 : I love that!

Vange : you’re inot the ridiculously fugly?

Vange : or the ernest preppie?

Hermione071 : no, the groom, preppie dork earnest guy

Vange : ahh

Vange : well ill take fisherman then

Acadia : this is riveting

Hermione071 : we agree to disagree!

Vange : ok so the babmi mutilation was terrible

Vange : bambi

Vange : did not enjoy

Acadia : was that the brother?

Hermione071 : I did not like that either :/

Acadia : why was he washing blood off his hands?

Vange : would prefer to see random girl burning and twirling

Hermione071 : it was implied

Hermione071 : ugh

Vange : that crazy brother of preppie did the deer deed?

Hermione071 : I think so.

Acadia : we dont know!

Hermione071 : he’s crazy!

Hermione071 : and fug

Hermione071 : bad combo

Vange : but it WAS implied, no?

Hermione071 : yes

Hermione071 : I have a question

Hermione071 : why the fuck does the bride’s dad hate the groom so much

Vange : he’s from wrong side of tracks

Acadia : he hates him cause he is poor

Vange : not blue blood

Hermione071 : just because he doesn’t have money?

Hermione071 : that’s shit!

Acadia : and because the brides father killed the grooms parents

Vange : thats WASP

Vange : orly?

Acadia : for some reason we dont know about yet

Vange : uh huh

Hermione071 : ohh

Hermione071 : i want to punch the FOB in the face

Hermione071 : or kick him in the nuts!

Vange : i like him

Hermione071 : meh

Hermione071 : so is wakefield alive?

Hermione071 : I thought the dude was dead.

Hermione071 : but creepy goth kelly implied he wasn’t

Vange : scarf’s dad illed him

Vange : killed

Vange : OR DID HE?

Vange : i mean, really

Acadia : well, i think the fact that they are offing people so quickly

Vange : so its his previously unknown twin or some shit

Vange : or its a risen fromdead thing

Acadia : means they really want to get down to the guessing quickly

Vange : which will make me kill the writers

Hermione071 : this show has got to be a miniseries, there is no way they can do a 2nd season with the killing rate they have got going on here.

Vange : i think that’s a given?

Hermione071 : I will google.

Acadia : they wont do a second season

Acadia : it is a mid season replacement

Hermione071 : oh.

Acadia : it is a fun mystery

Acadia : that will engage people and then be done with

Hermione071 : I like the show.

Hermione071 : ok wiki says: Harper’s Island will have only one season comprising 13 episodes.

Hermione071 : good.

Acadia : why did someone break into the museum and just steal one thing?

Hermione071 : I thought that was used as the murder weapon?

Hermione071 : maybe the weapon

Hermione071 : was the one originally used by wakefield

Hermione071 : during the original murders

Acadia : it was just a little ass thing

Acadia : who you gonna kill with that?

Hermione071 : PEOPLE

Acadia : a bug, maybe

Vange : or hang someone with

Hermione071 : I dunno

Maitland : ya’llstill going about this island?

Vange : how much you wanna bet, they thorw in a bunch of meaningless shit like that

Vange : for no reason except to make oyu wonder

Acadia : no, it is a rule

Vange : like, it has NTHING to do with anything

Vange : whats a rule

Acadia : they have to have everything come out in the end

Acadia : it is TV rules

Vange : sure but they can put in red herrings,no?

Vange : i sooo would

Acadia : yes, but they will be exposed as such

Acadia : like

Acadia : they wont just go

Acadia : oh, we wont explain the deer head

Vange : or the museum thing?

Vange : the deer yeah

Vange : ugh bambi!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Acadia : they will explain it all

Hermione071 : in due time

Hermione071 : you can’t explain everything RIGHT when it happens

Hermione071 : you have to engage people

Acadia : yep

Acadia : they need to let people try to figure it out

Acadia : not you two doofuses, though

Vange : ?

Hermione071 : oh hush

Acadia : well, this was a good round table

Acadia : i will be posting it now

Acadia : any final thoughts?

Acadia : or maybe tomorrow morning

Hermione071 : nope

Acadia : scintillating

Hermione071 : time to say our goodbyes, friends.

Hermione071 : do you have any final thoughs?

Hermione071 : *thoughts

Acadia : i think that they have a lot of people to kill off quickly

Acadia : so the main characters can have a lot of peril

Vange : how many cast members are there?

Hermione071 : like, 30.

Vange : jeebus

Vange : and how many eps?

Acadia : like, the brides sister, super awesome gina holden

Acadia : was not even IN this one

Vange : you know what would be awesome

Vange : if they just have the final episode

Vange : where the last 1,2 3 or however many

Vange : are killed

Vange : ahahahhaha

Vange : no resolution

Hermione071 : lol

Vange : just all die horrible deaths

Hermione071 : I don’t like that idea :/

Vange : i would LOVE that

Acadia : hater

Vange : leave this disjointed pointless mess

Vange : you dont think that’d be a great prank?

Acadia : stop making fun of it, or you are so banished

Vange : im not

Vange : im being SERIOUS

Vange : ithink that would be cool

Acadia : that’s against TV rules

Acadia : how would you feel if dr whatever didnt tell nurse fuckalot that he loved her on grays anatomy?

Vange : refresh my memorty

Acadia : you would be all curled up in a frigging ball

Hermione071 : she’s not a nurse!

Hermione071 : she’s a doctor.

Hermione071 : fuckhead

Vange : who are oyu talking about?

Vange : izzy and her dead BF?

Acadia : i dont know, i have never seen that gay show

Hermione071 : he thinks meredith grey is a nurse.

Vange : you so have!

Hermione071 : then don’t disparage greys!

Vange : grey’s Is dumb tho

Acadia : ok – end of round table

Vange : ok so you dont like my AWESOME prank resolution

Acadia : no

Acadia : it breaks the rules

Vange : youve never told me the rules

Vange : which means

Vange : MAYBE the writers dont know your belief system

Vange : it is POSSIBLE

Acadia : they know how to keep their jobs

Vange : they havent read your thoughts

Acadia : no, it is not possible

Vange : its a one off

Vange : they are already fired

Acadia : nope

Acadia : doesnot work that way

Acadia : now say goodbye

Hermione071 : bye!

Vange : bye?

Acadia : bye!

 

About The Author

Acadia Einstein

I'm the funny one. And the handsome one. And I pay for everything.

3 Comments

  1. Maitland

    ever-prolific…i like that

    Reply
  2. Joelle

    You should hear the kinda stuff he calls Vange and I!

    Reply
  3. HarpersIslandPTA

    It certainly wasn’t a good week to be a deer on HI!

    I knew that goth chick Kellie was not long for life (otherwise the whole show would have been about scarf girl awkwardly trying to un-invite her), and while I am glad she got some tattooed nookie with the only other emo guy on the island before dying ( I assume ’cause he really “got her”) I am dreading the obvious plot points that are probably soon to follow.

    the next couple of weeks arresting him and subsequently clearing him — because as I said week one, he didn’t do it. The deer on the hood yes, the murders no.

    I am really liking the British guy now. I personally would not have been so good humored if I had been strung up like a salami in the woods all day.

    Reply

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