Harper’s Island Round Table Review

So I told you yesterday that some of us on the staff were going to watch Harper’s Island and then there would be a surprise.  So we watched it and, Surprise!  We’re idiots. The following is the transcript of the chat.  Skip down to the part where I start whining, or the part where we all cybered.  It’s all gold.  And we are going to do it every week, and we will invite more people each time.  This is feedback any network would KILL for.  Check out some of these excerpts:

• Acadia: holy shit, I think a lightning bolt just blew up my car
• Vange: I was too riveted by her stomach to notice her face
• Joelle: speaking of Henry – I want it to be known that I fucking love Chris Gorham, the actor who is playing him.

So – get ready for the whole thing in all it’s unedited glory.  Please note that IM really will be the end of literacy as we know it.

Acadia: ok!

Acadia: now my coffee is done

Acadia: brb

Acadia: back!

Joelle: ok I am here!

Vange: as am I

Joelle: I already had my coffee, I am good to go.

Vange: waiting for mr coffee

Vange: i didnt know you drank coffee

Acadia: I already said I as back

Acadia: are you wearing an eye patch?

Vange: on both eyes, yes

Acadia: seems like it

Acadia: ok

Acadia: so then

Joelle: Let us discuss Harpers Island

Acadia: Yes – I have a question

Joelle: shoot

Acadia: holy shit, I think a lightning bolt just blew up my car

Acadia: anyway

Vange: whats the question

Joelle: haha, go on.

Acadia: if we were NOT doing anything about this show on the site, would you watch the show again?

Vange: maaaaaybe

Vange: depends on what I tink of southland

Vange: tbh

Acadia: who?

Vange: the Er replacement show

Joelle: I would say yes.

Vange: its on same time as HI

Joelle: when does Southland premiere?

Acadia: when are you  watching southland?

Joelle: or has is already?

Vange: last night

Vange: same time as HI

Acadia: right

Acadia: I get that

Acadia: are you watchign it online?

Vange: but we can catchit at nbc.com I bet

Joelle: I missed that memo.

Joelle: I will watch it online

Acadia: so basically, sometime between now and next week, you might bail anyway?

Joelle: I dig that Ben McKenzie dude.

Vange: I said I will watch HI

Vange: you asked if we werent doing something with it

Vange: but the fact of the matter is, we are

Vange: so unbunch your ruffled panties

Acadia: ok miss crabby

Joelle: oh you two

Joelle: I liked the show.

Acadia: I did, too

Joelle: I thought it was a good buildup for what’s to come.

Acadia: I like the fact that they started out killing someone we assumed would be a main character

Acadia: at least I did

Joelle: uncle marty?

Vange: why did you think that he would be

Vange: oh

Joelle: or cousin ben

Vange: I thought you meant prop boy

Acadia: no, that oppr bastard had no shot

Acadia: *poor

Acadia: I hope the girl whose face is only on the top 1/3 of her head dies next

Joelle: haha

Acadia: and that her british dandy of a boyfriend kills her

Joelle: I hope she dies next.

Vange: I liked her better than her faggy bf who lost the ring

Joelle: the show only lasted 40 mins, and she was only in what? 10 minutes of the thing and already I hated her character.

Joelle: her face annoyed me.

Acadia: well, I think they tried to make it so that we try to guess who the killer is

Acadia: like

Vange: I was too riveted by her stomach to notice her face

Acadia: there were two people who had motives to kill Harry Hamlin

Joelle: oh yeah, she had a nice bod.

Vange: that you KNOW of

Joelle: she just wasn’t a very good actress.

Vange: but her stomach, jo!

Acadia: stop being lesbians

Joelle: stop being anti-lesbian!

Vange: jo and I have been freaking out her brother today

Joelle: anyways

Vange: he thinks we’ve been cybering

Joelle: oh yeah baby

Acadia: well, do you think the hook of the show is guessing who the killer is or who is going to get killed next?

Vange: zactly

Vange: both I guess

Vange: I just dont understand

Joelle: yes, definitely.

Vange: in movies/shows like this

Joelle: it had nice character development I guess.

Vange: why do they not LEAVE the tiny isolated island where ppl are being killed left and right

Acadia: they don’t know yet

Vange: but even when the do, they won’t go

Vange: and I know, if they DID the show would die

Acadia: there is always a device to make it impossible

Vange: etc

Acadia: it is a classic locked room mystery, except it isnt a room, and not locked

Vange: so whats the harper jening thing?

Vange: did he keep calling/texting random ppl?

Joelle: who?

Joelle: ohh

Acadia: that was hunter!

Vange: or was it hunter?

Joelle: I think he’s a past love of trish

Vange: who is trish

Acadia: derh – and he is in cahoots withthe rich father

Vange: who the hell do you guys know names

Vange: jeebus

Joelle: and the dad wanted her to rekindle her romance with him so she wouldn’t marry henry

Acadia: we arent wearing eye patches

Joelle: I am very observant!

Acadia: plus the phone said HUNTER about 500 times

Acadia: then the bride saw the guy and said HUNTER and then he kissed her

Acadia: then she went to her sister and talked about HUNTER

Acadia: other than that, it was vague

Joelle: and so on and so forth

Joelle: speaking of Henry

Joelle: I want it to be known that I fucking love Chris Gorham, the actor who is playing him.

Joelle: His hair looks better slicked back though.

Vange: big smiley guy right?

Joelle: Like it was in Ugly Betty.

Joelle: yeah

Acadia: I love Gina Holden, and we have naked pics of her

Joelle: the groom

Joelle: who did she play?

Acadia: the sister

Joelle: ohh

Joelle: her.

Vange: I spent most of it figuring out where I knew ppl from

Joelle: She reminds me of another actress, but I can’t pinpoint it.

Vange: like, the dad is susan’s ex on DH

Joelle: and uncle marty

Vange: and then the crazy pharmacist who killed bree’s husband was a guest on 30 rock last night

Joelle: played Logan’s dad in Veronica Mars!

Vange: harry hamlin

Joelle: yeah, that dude.

Vange: I know the name

Acadia: I am just posting this as is

Vange: but cant place what I might know him from

Vange: bumba misses oyu guys

Joelle: aww

Vange: but not enough to actually talk to you

Vange: ahahah

Acadia: one of the friends, the portly fellow, is on Eureka

Joelle: oh.

Vange: oh an di liked the fisherman guy

Joelle: him? 

Joelle: I actually liked that guy.

Joelle: Good looking.

Vange: yeah and he made me laugh

Joelle: I don’t know how Abby (is that her name?) got with him.

Vange: the came back after mom died girl?

Joelle: Her face annoyed me.

Joelle: yep, that’s her.

Vange: her PROFILE did

Joelle: omg

Joelle: her nose

Vange: but full on, she

Vange: s pretty

Joelle: was so distracting.

Acadia: she is cute you snobby lesbos

Vange: yeah

Vange: needs the job

Vange: I liked the scarf

Joelle: and I thought the dialogue between her character and henry’s was so contrived.

Joelle: and of course the sherrif is her dad.

Vange: they dont act like BFFs

Joelle: I know!

Acadia: he was only there summers, they could not be best firneds

Vange: my understanding was

Vange: they were BFFs

Joelle: she mentioned at the beginning that they were childhood/teenage best friends.

Joelle: to the cab driver.

Vange: andonly for him would she return to the island

Acadia: yeah, bnut he was only there summers, so how does that work?

Acadia: and where are the groom’s parent’s?

Joelle: they got close, and continued their interactions during the non-summer months?

Vange: he was the pool boy or something

Vange: why would he only be there summers?

Joelle: I mean, they could have written letters.

Vange: I thought the point of it was

Vange: he and bride grew up together but he was hired help

Acadia: maybe his parents were teachers?

Joelle: maybe he needed extra cash.

Acadia: didnt they say he was a summer guy?

Joelle: who knows.

Vange: I think you made that up

Joelle: oh, and obviously his crazy brother spent summers there with him.

Vange: both jo and I think bad profile girl and groom grew up there as BFF

Joelle: who I was totally lost when he showed up.

Joelle: the girl said they did!

Joelle: I am not making this shit up!

Vange: I know

Joelle: acadia just doesn’t pay attention/

Vange: but acadia has it inhis head the groom was only there summers

Vange: I bet

Vange: its the brides fam who was there summers

Vange: that makes sense

Vange: $$$

Acadia: well, either waym where are his parents?

Joelle: dead?

Acadia: hidden?

Joelle: remember when he was telling his bro, thanks for coming, you’re the only family member I have left?

Joelle: I distinctly remember the groom saying “ever since mom and dead died”

Acadia: hmmm

Joelle: or something to that effect.

Vange: yeah I dunno on that one

Vange: it is prolly left deliberately vague

Vange: so they can tease with deets

Joelle: I will have to rewatch it I guess.

Acadia: so what have we concluded other than that you guys are lezbos?

Vange: you cant make me!

Joelle: that this show seems solid?

Vange: um that the bridge chopping was waaay too graphic for a pussy like me

Joelle: omg yes.

Vange: esp when I am ALREADY puking left and right

Acadia: Vange is going to puss out before next week

Vange: I was so unprepared for that

Acadia: that is a given

Joelle: I mean I am no pussy, but I hated the sound of it more than the actual sight.

Vange: yup

Vange: and then when the cam pulled back

Vange: omgomg

Vange: HORRIBLE

Joelle: his whole bottom half was gone!

Vange: I know

Acadia: you sissies

Vange: ack

Joelle: shit up.

Joelle: *shut

Vange: ahahah

Joelle: oops

Vange: FIGHT GRAVITY WHILE DEFECATING

Joelle: hahaha

Vange: im so sick this week, I think I have shit up

Joelle: :/

Joelle: oh yeah, what was with the creepy little girl?

Acadia: I think this round table thing is a ig failure

Acadia: *big

Vange: who Is the creepy lil girl?

Vange: she must belong to someone

Acadia: Gina Holden’s daughter

Vange: this is a failure?

Vange: well

Joelle: the little girl who stole cousin ben’s gift thingy

Vange: what did oyu want to have happen

Acadia: http://www.google.com/search?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=&=&q=gina+holden+nude&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&oq=gina+holden+nud

Joelle: I hear sounds in my apartment

Joelle: and it’s creeping me out.

Vange: you wanted gina holden to show up in our yahoo conf naked?

Acadia: could it be….a keyboard?

Vange: sorry to disappoint

Joelle: no, doofus

Acadia: no, I was helping

Acadia: I am saying I dont know how I will edit it

Joelle: like, paper crinkling

Joelle: and all the lights are turned off

Joelle: and the lightening isn’t helping :/

Acadia: maybe you will get Harry Hamlin’d!

Joelle: oh shut up!

Joelle: I will not.

Acadia: he didn’t think he would

Joelle: Vange I thought of you yesterday morning.

Acadia: that’s why the show is good

Joelle: I heard a bird in our chimney

Acadia: ok

Acadia: now

Joelle: and I was terrified it was going to come through the fireplace

Acadia: we need a way to make the round table have a conclusion

Vange: time to start a big blazing fire!

Vange: I think one of the things this show does

Vange: and it may be typical of the genre I dont know

Joelle: It makes you want to come back for more?

Vange: but they set it up that oyu are execting it to happen any time to everyone

Joelle: I dunno, even if we weren’t doing this round table I would still tune in.

Joelle: If only for Chris Gorham!

Vange: like when nose job girl was walking

Acadia: me too

Vange: and she came on the tree

Joelle: If his character dies I am outta here.

Vange: you expected something then

Acadia: I came on a tree once

Joelle: oh.

Vange: when the pretty stomach girl didnt come up out of the water

Joelle: that is going in my sig.

Vange: you expected something then

Acadia: yeah, but did you see the guy watching them at the tree?

Vange: and then

Acadia: who was that?

Vange: you thought the faggy guy was gonna get her

Vange: what

Vange: no!

Acadia: you didnt see it!

Acadia: yeah, there was someone standing watchign them

Vange: also I think gina holden’s name is prettier than she is

Vange: omg

Acadia: she is a gorgeous lizard!

Vange: I am remembering when I was a kid

Vange: and I would read under the covers 

Vange: the nancy drew boks

Vange: and trixied belden

Vange: and freak myself out

Vange: this show is the grown up equivalent

Acadia: and you dont find that enjoyable?

Joelle: I agree with Vange.

Joelle: I like this genre.

Acadia: me too

Vange: I cant believe someone was spying on them

Vange: so anyway my point was this

Joelle: wait, who was spying on who?

Joelle: I missed that part.

Vange: since they set up just about EVERY scene

Acadia: right

Vange: for something terrible and spooky

Vange: when it does happen

Vange: it takes you by surprise

Acadia: yep

Vange: or maybe I mean

Joelle: sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t

Vange: it surprises you more when it DOESNT happen

Vange: like in the ocean

Vange: and btw

Vange: wouldnt the water at night off coast of seattle be prohibitively cold?

Acadia: it was summer!

Joelle: am I the only person who thought the british bf, and the grooms brother looked exactly alike?

Vange: event hen tho?

Acadia: plus little face is a risk taker

Joelle: They both look like they have acromegaly

Vange: you mean nice stomach?

Vange: hahahah

Acadia: yes, little face

Vange: I hated faggy dude

Vange: and it crackedme up

Vange: when harry hamlin was making eyes at pretty stomach

Joelle: she looked like a cheap whore.

Joelle: Did I mention I hated her character?

Vange: you both do

Vange: and I didnt

Acadia: I dont hate her, I just want her to die

Vange: uhh

Acadia: and I think her face is too small

Vange: thats a niceline

Joelle: I want her to die and I hate her. That solves it.

Vange: but her stomach acadia!

Vange: think of her beautiful stomach

Acadia: they can just cut off her head

Acadia: and we all win!

Vange: yes

Joelle: I thought when she was trying to be sexy that it looked so forced.

Vange: I want an abs transplant

Acadia: you try to emote whenyour face is the size of a tennis ball

Joelle: haha

Vange: ahahaha

Acadia: her drivers licence pic is actual size

Joelle: omg haha

Vange: I think I liked the bride

Joelle: I liked the bride, she seemed sincere.

Vange: she had a very plastic-y niceness about her

Vange: seemed v.

Joelle: plus she got to do it with chris gorhams character!

Vange: I dunno

Acadia: she should not have said she wanted separate rooms for the week so she could go bang Hunter

Vange: innocent

Vange: why not?

Vange: her final fling?

Acadia: bullshit

Joelle: I thought that kinda stuff was looked down upon

Acadia: it is the week of her wedding

Joelle: relationship ending shit

Vange: so fucking her ex bf would be bad?

Acadia: not in your land

Joelle: when you’re in a commited relationship with this other guy?

Joelle: I mean, it’s not like they weren’t dating exclusively

Acadia: please remember I am posting this entire thing

Vange: I dont really know what we are talking about tbh

Joelle: we’re going off on all sorts of tangents!

Vange: ok so this hunter dude

Acadia: which is why I said it was a failure as a gimmick

Vange: he is bride’s ex-bf?

Acadia: nobody will read this!

Joelle: I think this has been a success, Acadia.

Joelle: what about hunter?

Acadia: yes, he is

Acadia: and the father prefers him to the groom

Acadia: and the groom knows he is calling

Vange: and he has not been on camera?

Acadia: ummm

Acadia: he kissed the bride

Vange: the groom knows?

Acadia: and talked to the father

Vange: oh

Vange: there were too many ppl

Joelle: well, maybe the father orchestrated the whole thing.

Acadia: ok – I think we are done here

Joelle: okay

Acadia: I am gonna make the post

Acadia: the whoooole chat

Joelle: I will read it!

Acadia: typos and all!

Joelle: again.

Vange: that will hurt me

Joelle: I guess my shit up stays then :/

Vange: oh wait

Vange: you arent making this public

Vange: I said I was so sick I shit up this week

Vange: ACVK

Acadia: I warned you all!

Joelle: oh.

Joelle: oh.

Acadia: I said it like nine times

Joelle: …. oh.

Vange: hahahaha

Vange: I am thinking I need to watch the premiere again

Joelle: go ahead and post it acadia. I don’t mind.

Vange: now that I know which parts to look away

Vange: you know?

Acadia: You should!

Joelle: I will rewatch it too.

Vange: it seems I missed a terrible lot of it

Acadia: so then we all rewatch it now?

Acadia: and try again?

Vange: im trying to remember if I was ftping and such while it was on

Vange: I dont know if I was or not

Vange: thats sad

Joelle: I was totally not paying attention at some parts.

Joelle: I had it on in the background.

Joelle: so I will rewatch!

Vange: and it is on for 13 weeks yes?

Vange: with no breaks?

Acadia: I think so, yes

Joelle: oh, is it a miniseries or an actual show?

Acadia: a one arc series

Joelle: if it’s a show, I don’t see how they could do a second season.

Vange: its got a definite end

Joelle: oh, good.

Vange: and I am pretty sur eit is 13 straight weeks

Joelle: I don’t want this to be another prison break!

Acadia: so then are we going to rewatch it and try this again?

Vange: did that go on longer than it should?

Acadia: or is it gonna fizzle out?

Joelle: I think so yes.

Vange: I never saw it

Joelle: oh yeah, 4 season of WTF just end already!

Vange: prisons are too mean

Joelle: Acadia; we should do this again next week.

Vange: I dont think he I splaesed with us tho jo

Vange: is pleased

Joelle: I think we delivered!

Acadia: I am asking

Acadia: if you two

Vange: I dont think he does tho

Acadia: who both admitted

Acadia: that you didnt really WATCH the show

Acadia: want to watch it

Acadia: so we can try to discuss it again tonight

Vange: I watched it acadia

Vange: but there were too many ppl for me to keep straight

Vange: and im sick

Joelle: I watched it!

Vange: and I was waiting for ick

Joelle: I really did.

Acadia: ok, then I am posting this as is

Acadia: everyone say bye!

Joelle: ok

Vange: bye

Joelle: bye!