Harper’s Island Round Table Review
So I told you yesterday that some of us on the staff were going to watch Harper’s Island and then there would be a surprise. So we watched it and, Surprise! We’re idiots. The following is the transcript of the chat. Skip down to the part where I start whining, or the part where we all cybered. It’s all gold. And we are going to do it every week, and we will invite more people each time. This is feedback any network would KILL for. Check out some of these excerpts:
- Acadia: holy shit, I think a lightning bolt just blew up my car
- Vange: I was too riveted by her stomach to notice her face
- Joelle: speaking of Henry – I want it to be known that I fucking love Chris Gorham, the actor who is playing him.
So – get ready for the whole thing in all it’s unedited glory. Please note that IM really will be the end of literacy as we know it.
Acadia: now my coffee is done
Joelle: ok I am here!
Vange: as am I
Joelle: I already had my coffee, I am good to go.
Vange: waiting for mr coffee
Vange: i didnt know you drank coffee
Acadia: I already said I as back
Acadia: are you wearing an eye patch?
Vange: on both eyes, yes
Acadia: seems like it
Acadia: so then
Joelle: Let us discuss Harpers Island
Acadia: Yes – I have a question
Acadia: holy shit, I think a lightning bolt just blew up my car
Vange: whats the question
Joelle: haha, go on.
Acadia: if we were NOT doing anything about this show on the site, would you watch the show again?
Vange: depends on what I tink of southland
Vange: the Er replacement show
Joelle: I would say yes.
Vange: its on same time as HI
Joelle: when does Southland premiere?
Acadia: when are you watching southland?
Joelle: or has is already?
Vange: last night
Vange: same time as HI
Acadia: I get that
Acadia: are you watchign it online?
Vange: but we can catchit at nbc.com I bet
Joelle: I missed that memo.
Joelle: I will watch it online
Acadia: so basically, sometime between now and next week, you might bail anyway?
Joelle: I dig that Ben McKenzie dude.
Vange: I said I will watch HI
Vange: you asked if we werent doing something with it
Vange: but the fact of the matter is, we are
Vange: so unbunch your ruffled panties
Acadia: ok miss crabby
Joelle: oh you two
Joelle: I liked the show.
Acadia: I did, too
Joelle: I thought it was a good buildup for what’s to come.
Acadia: I like the fact that they started out killing someone we assumed would be a main character
Acadia: at least I did
Joelle: uncle marty?
Vange: why did you think that he would be
Joelle: or cousin ben
Vange: I thought you meant prop boy
Acadia: no, that oppr bastard had no shot
Acadia: I hope the girl whose face is only on the top 1/3 of her head dies next
Acadia: and that her british dandy of a boyfriend kills her
Joelle: I hope she dies next.
Vange: I liked her better than her faggy bf who lost the ring
Joelle: the show only lasted 40 mins, and she was only in what? 10 minutes of the thing and already I hated her character.
Joelle: her face annoyed me.
Acadia: well, I think they tried to make it so that we try to guess who the killer is
Vange: I was too riveted by her stomach to notice her face
Acadia: there were two people who had motives to kill Harry Hamlin
Joelle: oh yeah, she had a nice bod.
Vange: that you KNOW of
Joelle: she just wasn’t a very good actress.
Vange: but her stomach, jo!
Acadia: stop being lesbians
Joelle: stop being anti-lesbian!
Vange: jo and I have been freaking out her brother today
Vange: he thinks we’ve been cybering
Joelle: oh yeah baby
Acadia: well, do you think the hook of the show is guessing who the killer is or who is going to get killed next?
Vange: both I guess
Vange: I just dont understand
Joelle: yes, definitely.
Vange: in movies/shows like this
Joelle: it had nice character development I guess.
Vange: why do they not LEAVE the tiny isolated island where ppl are being killed left and right
Acadia: they don’t know yet
Vange: but even when the do, they won’t go
Vange: and I know, if they DID the show would die
Acadia: there is always a device to make it impossible
Acadia: it is a classic locked room mystery, except it isnt a room, and not locked
Vange: so whats the harper jening thing?
Vange: did he keep calling/texting random ppl?
Acadia: that was hunter!
Vange: or was it hunter?
Joelle: I think he’s a past love of trish
Vange: who is trish
Acadia: derh – and he is in cahoots withthe rich father
Vange: who the hell do you guys know names
Joelle: and the dad wanted her to rekindle her romance with him so she wouldn’t marry henry
Acadia: we arent wearing eye patches
Joelle: I am very observant!
Acadia: plus the phone said HUNTER about 500 times
Acadia: then the bride saw the guy and said HUNTER and then he kissed her
Acadia: then she went to her sister and talked about HUNTER
Acadia: other than that, it was vague
Joelle: and so on and so forth
Joelle: speaking of Henry
Joelle: I want it to be known that I fucking love Chris Gorham, the actor who is playing him.
Joelle: His hair looks better slicked back though.
Vange: big smiley guy right?
Joelle: Like it was in Ugly Betty.
Acadia: I love Gina Holden, and we have naked pics of her
Joelle: the groom
Joelle: who did she play?
Acadia: the sister
Vange: I spent most of it figuring out where I knew ppl from
Joelle: She reminds me of another actress, but I can’t pinpoint it.
Vange: like, the dad is susan’s ex on DH
Joelle: and uncle marty
Vange: and then the crazy pharmacist who killed bree’s husband was a guest on 30 rock last night
Joelle: played Logan’s dad in Veronica Mars!
Vange: harry hamlin
Joelle: yeah, that dude.
Vange: I know the name
Acadia: I am just posting this as is
Vange: but cant place what I might know him from
Vange: bumba misses oyu guys
Vange: but not enough to actually talk to you
Acadia: one of the friends, the portly fellow, is on Eureka
Vange: oh an di liked the fisherman guy
Joelle: I actually liked that guy.
Joelle: Good looking.
Vange: yeah and he made me laugh
Joelle: I don’t know how Abby (is that her name?) got with him.
Vange: the came back after mom died girl?
Joelle: Her face annoyed me.
Joelle: yep, that’s her.
Vange: her PROFILE did
Joelle: her nose
Vange: but full on, she
Vange: s pretty
Joelle: was so distracting.
Acadia: she is cute you snobby lesbos
Vange: needs the job
Vange: I liked the scarf
Joelle: and I thought the dialogue between her character and henry’s was so contrived.
Joelle: and of course the sherrif is her dad.
Vange: they dont act like BFFs
Joelle: I know!
Acadia: he was only there summers, they could not be best firneds
Vange: my understanding was
Vange: they were BFFs
Joelle: she mentioned at the beginning that they were childhood/teenage best friends.
Joelle: to the cab driver.
Vange: andonly for him would she return to the island
Acadia: yeah, bnut he was only there summers, so how does that work?
Acadia: and where are the groom’s parent’s?
Joelle: they got close, and continued their interactions during the non-summer months?
Vange: he was the pool boy or something
Vange: why would he only be there summers?
Joelle: I mean, they could have written letters.
Vange: I thought the point of it was
Vange: he and bride grew up together but he was hired help
Acadia: maybe his parents were teachers?
Joelle: maybe he needed extra cash.
Acadia: didnt they say he was a summer guy?
Joelle: who knows.
Vange: I think you made that up
Joelle: oh, and obviously his crazy brother spent summers there with him.
Vange: both jo and I think bad profile girl and groom grew up there as BFF
Joelle: who I was totally lost when he showed up.
Joelle: the girl said they did!
Joelle: I am not making this shit up!
Vange: I know
Joelle: acadia just doesn’t pay attention/
Vange: but acadia has it inhis head the groom was only there summers
Vange: I bet
Vange: its the brides fam who was there summers
Vange: that makes sense
Acadia: well, either waym where are his parents?
Joelle: remember when he was telling his bro, thanks for coming, you’re the only family member I have left?
Joelle: I distinctly remember the groom saying “ever since mom and dead died”
Joelle: or something to that effect.
Vange: yeah I dunno on that one
Vange: it is prolly left deliberately vague
Vange: so they can tease with deets
Joelle: I will have to rewatch it I guess.
Acadia: so what have we concluded other than that you guys are lezbos?
Vange: you cant make me!
Joelle: that this show seems solid?
Vange: um that the bridge chopping was waaay too graphic for a pussy like me
Joelle: omg yes.
Vange: esp when I am ALREADY puking left and right
Acadia: Vange is going to puss out before next week
Vange: I was so unprepared for that
Acadia: that is a given
Joelle: I mean I am no pussy, but I hated the sound of it more than the actual sight.
Vange: and then when the cam pulled back
Joelle: his whole bottom half was gone!
Vange: I know
Acadia: you sissies
Joelle: shit up.
Vange: FIGHT GRAVITY WHILE DEFECATING
Vange: im so sick this week, I think I have shit up
Joelle: oh yeah, what was with the creepy little girl?
Acadia: I think this round table thing is a ig failure
Vange: who Is the creepy lil girl?
Vange: she must belong to someone
Acadia: Gina Holden’s daughter
Vange: this is a failure?
Joelle: the little girl who stole cousin ben’s gift thingy
Vange: what did oyu want to have happen
Joelle: I hear sounds in my apartment
Joelle: and it’s creeping me out.
Vange: you wanted gina holden to show up in our yahoo conf naked?
Acadia: could it be….a keyboard?
Vange: sorry to disappoint
Joelle: no, doofus
Acadia: no, I was helping
Acadia: I am saying I dont know how I will edit it
Joelle: like, paper crinkling
Joelle: and all the lights are turned off
Joelle: and the lightening isn’t helping :/
Acadia: maybe you will get Harry Hamlin’d!
Joelle: oh shut up!
Joelle: I will not.
Acadia: he didn’t think he would
Joelle: Vange I thought of you yesterday morning.
Acadia: that’s why the show is good
Joelle: I heard a bird in our chimney
Joelle: and I was terrified it was going to come through the fireplace
Acadia: we need a way to make the round table have a conclusion
Vange: time to start a big blazing fire!
Vange: I think one of the things this show does
Vange: and it may be typical of the genre I dont know
Joelle: It makes you want to come back for more?
Vange: but they set it up that oyu are execting it to happen any time to everyone
Joelle: I dunno, even if we weren’t doing this round table I would still tune in.
Joelle: If only for Chris Gorham!
Vange: like when nose job girl was walking
Acadia: me too
Vange: and she came on the tree
Joelle: If his character dies I am outta here.
Vange: you expected something then
Acadia: I came on a tree once
Vange: when the pretty stomach girl didnt come up out of the water
Joelle: that is going in my sig.
Vange: you expected something then
Acadia: yeah, but did you see the guy watching them at the tree?
Vange: and then
Acadia: who was that?
Vange: you thought the faggy guy was gonna get her
Acadia: you didnt see it!
Acadia: yeah, there was someone standing watchign them
Vange: also I think gina holden’s name is prettier than she is
Acadia: she is a gorgeous lizard!
Vange: I am remembering when I was a kid
Vange: and I would read under the covers
Vange: the nancy drew boks
Vange: and trixied belden
Vange: and freak myself out
Vange: this show is the grown up equivalent
Acadia: and you dont find that enjoyable?
Joelle: I agree with Vange.
Joelle: I like this genre.
Acadia: me too
Vange: I cant believe someone was spying on them
Vange: so anyway my point was this
Joelle: wait, who was spying on who?
Joelle: I missed that part.
Vange: since they set up just about EVERY scene
Vange: for something terrible and spooky
Vange: when it does happen
Vange: it takes you by surprise
Vange: or maybe I mean
Joelle: sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t
Vange: it surprises you more when it DOESNT happen
Vange: like in the ocean
Vange: and btw
Vange: wouldnt the water at night off coast of seattle be prohibitively cold?
Acadia: it was summer!
Joelle: am I the only person who thought the british bf, and the grooms brother looked exactly alike?
Vange: event hen tho?
Acadia: plus little face is a risk taker
Joelle: They both look like they have acromegaly
Vange: you mean nice stomach?
Acadia: yes, little face
Vange: I hated faggy dude
Vange: and it crackedme up
Vange: when harry hamlin was making eyes at pretty stomach
Joelle: she looked like a cheap whore.
Joelle: Did I mention I hated her character?
Vange: you both do
Vange: and I didnt
Acadia: I dont hate her, I just want her to die
Acadia: and I think her face is too small
Vange: thats a niceline
Joelle: I want her to die and I hate her. That solves it.
Vange: but her stomach acadia!
Vange: think of her beautiful stomach
Acadia: they can just cut off her head
Acadia: and we all win!
Joelle: I thought when she was trying to be sexy that it looked so forced.
Vange: I want an abs transplant
Acadia: you try to emote whenyour face is the size of a tennis ball
Acadia: her drivers licence pic is actual size
Joelle: omg haha
Vange: I think I liked the bride
Joelle: I liked the bride, she seemed sincere.
Vange: she had a very plastic-y niceness about her
Vange: seemed v.
Joelle: plus she got to do it with chris gorhams character!
Vange: I dunno
Acadia: she should not have said she wanted separate rooms for the week so she could go bang Hunter
Vange: why not?
Vange: her final fling?
Joelle: I thought that kinda stuff was looked down upon
Acadia: it is the week of her wedding
Joelle: relationship ending shit
Vange: so fucking her ex bf would be bad?
Acadia: not in your land
Joelle: when you’re in a commited relationship with this other guy?
Joelle: I mean, it’s not like they weren’t dating exclusively
Acadia: please remember I am posting this entire thing
Vange: I dont really know what we are talking about tbh
Joelle: we’re going off on all sorts of tangents!
Vange: ok so this hunter dude
Acadia: which is why I said it was a failure as a gimmick
Vange: he is bride’s ex-bf?
Acadia: nobody will read this!
Joelle: I think this has been a success, Acadia.
Joelle: what about hunter?
Acadia: yes, he is
Acadia: and the father prefers him to the groom
Acadia: and the groom knows he is calling
Vange: and he has not been on camera?
Acadia: he kissed the bride
Vange: the groom knows?
Acadia: and talked to the father
Vange: there were too many ppl
Joelle: well, maybe the father orchestrated the whole thing.
Acadia: ok – I think we are done here
Acadia: I am gonna make the post
Acadia: the whoooole chat
Joelle: I will read it!
Acadia: typos and all!
Vange: that will hurt me
Joelle: I guess my shit up stays then :/
Vange: oh wait
Vange: you arent making this public
Vange: I said I was so sick I shit up this week
Acadia: I warned you all!
Acadia: I said it like nine times
Joelle: …. oh.
Vange: I am thinking I need to watch the premiere again
Joelle: go ahead and post it acadia. I don’t mind.
Vange: now that I know which parts to look away
Vange: you know?
Acadia: You should!
Joelle: I will rewatch it too.
Vange: it seems I missed a terrible lot of it
Acadia: so then we all rewatch it now?
Acadia: and try again?
Vange: im trying to remember if I was ftping and such while it was on
Vange: I dont know if I was or not
Vange: thats sad
Joelle: I was totally not paying attention at some parts.
Joelle: I had it on in the background.
Joelle: so I will rewatch!
Vange: and it is on for 13 weeks yes?
Vange: with no breaks?
Acadia: I think so, yes
Joelle: oh, is it a miniseries or an actual show?
Acadia: a one arc series
Joelle: if it’s a show, I don’t see how they could do a second season.
Vange: its got a definite end
Joelle: oh, good.
Vange: and I am pretty sur eit is 13 straight weeks
Joelle: I don’t want this to be another prison break!
Acadia: so then are we going to rewatch it and try this again?
Vange: did that go on longer than it should?
Acadia: or is it gonna fizzle out?
Joelle: I think so yes.
Vange: I never saw it
Joelle: oh yeah, 4 season of WTF just end already!
Vange: prisons are too mean
Joelle: Acadia; we should do this again next week.
Vange: I dont think he I splaesed with us tho jo
Vange: is pleased
Joelle: I think we delivered!
Acadia: I am asking
Acadia: if you two
Vange: I dont think he does tho
Acadia: who both admitted
Acadia: that you didnt really WATCH the show
Acadia: want to watch it
Acadia: so we can try to discuss it again tonight
Vange: I watched it acadia
Vange: but there were too many ppl for me to keep straight
Vange: and im sick
Joelle: I watched it!
Vange: and I was waiting for ick
Joelle: I really did.
Acadia: ok, then I am posting this as is
Acadia: everyone say bye!