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Heidi Montag: “Jennifer Aniston Banned Me.”

Heidi Montag is claiming that Jennifer Aniston banned her from the Just Go With it Premiere.

Jennifer Aniston, who the fuck do you think you are? Heidi Montag is not all that different from you.

To everyone who just gasped at that statement, here’s the breakdown:

  • Plastic surgery: Jennifer wouldn’t even have a career if it weren’t for her nose job. At least Heidi owned up to her multiple surgeries.
  • Fake, fake, fake: when I look at Jennifer Aniston, all I see is a fake tan, highlights and makeup. I see her, and I just feel exhausted.It seems like a lot of work for Jennifer Aniston to look like Jennifer Aniston.
  • Love life: Heidi has been with the same douchebag her entire career. Are they both vapid, talentless assholes? Yes. But they’re together. Jennifer’s inability to keep someone in her life for more than three months has become a running joke in the media.
  • Admitting you’re a joke: Heidi has embraced and, generally, accepted her occupation as a professional punchline. Jennifer, however, was so upset by the fact Perez Hilton called her “Maniston” she actually confronted him about it in person.

Listen, I’m not exactly a Heidi Montag fan, but I’m wearing a Team Heidi shirt on this one. She appeared in the film, and deserved to walk that red carpet- in fact, it may be the only red carpet she deserved to walk on.

Also, for someone who has been portrayed by the tabloids as an angry, cunning seductress with an agenda for the past six years, Jennifer Aniston isn’t very good with her tactical planning- if Heidi didn’t go to the premiere, who would make Jen look fantastic by comparison? All it would take is one (begrudging or not) picture next to Heidi Montag to get Jennifer Aniston the best press in years.

Think about it.

I mean… look at this:

I did this with MS Paint.

Do you not instantly feel sorry for Jennifer Aniston? Does she not automatically look classier, more talented, and more genuine?

So, what did we learn here today? Keep your Friends close, and your laughingstocks closer. And Jennifer Aniston is an asshole.

Click the images below to stalk contact the beautiful Malkatz, whose hair smells like strawberries.

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1 Comment

  1. Acadia

    That’s a pretty astute point for someone with ridiculous banners that I will be replacing. I would make Spencer walk around with me all day as a shield for dumbness!

    Reply

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