Okay, so first off: SPOILERS! If you Tivo Hell’s Kitchen and plan on watching it later, then don’t read this. Then again, it’s the beginning and you won’t remember who the fuck is who so go ahead and read it. And I’m not going to actually review the show as much as tell you the good parts in bullet (preferably numeric) form. Before the jump, the Master Stat of the show. After the jump are the other stats and the spoilers.
Number of bleeped out swears: 99. Ninety Nine. I counted them. Fuck. That’s a lot of swears.
- Prize: Executive Chef at Ramsay’s restaurant in the Savoy hotel in London, England.
- Best line: Girl who thinks she’s hot wears high heeled boots and wipes out in the kitchen and says, “Ow. My ass.”
- Winner of the Challenge: Men
- Punishment for women: get up early and make breakfast in bed for men.
- Reward for men: sleep in and eat said breakfast
Bumps (the things before the commercial that always include the pitchfork):
- Pitchfork brand (with real moo sound!)
- Oil poured into pan, pitchfork is flames from pan.
- Stove burner turns on, pitchfork in the fire.
- Pitchfork was the spike you put old receipts on.
- Pitchfork etched in cleaver.
Final items and elimination:
- Number of men thrown out of kitchen during service: 3
- Number of women thrown out of kitchen during service: 4
- Number of things Ramsay spit out: 1
- Did they finish the service? Yes.
- Winning team: Men
- Losing team nominees: Stacy (who?) and Fran (who?)
- Eliminated: Stacy. Who?
Final thought: The woman who was eliminated sucked. She fucked up the scallops like 15 times and it threw off the whole team. So she admitted that she sucked. Then she admitted to Ramsay that she fucked up and that she wanted another chance. She didn’t get one. In the exit interview she said, “I admitted I screwed up. So kudos for me for standing up!”
It was on TV. Everyone saw you. You didn’t “stand up” for anything. You just said, “Yes, that person you all saw sucking was not my…evil twin.” Kudos for you? BAH! You suck, lady. Oh, and Ramsay pretended to make out with a contestant but it was his wife and it was stupid.